MIL is coming to my house-UGH Vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
MIL is coming to my house-UGH Vent
8
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 6:32pm

Hi everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 7:37am
I would tell him that until she comes to you and apologizes (sincerely) for what she did/said, that she is not allowed. For him to insist that she be allowed, means that he cares more for her feelings than yours. That, in my house, would be the dealbreaker. Personally, I would refuse her inside the house. If he HAS to see his pweshus Mommy, he should take the day off and visit at the hotel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 9:57am
I'm amazed that your DH just told you they were coming instead of discussing it. Especially considering that he is well aware of your history with MIL. A few weeks??? I wouldn't permit it. I think DH needs to check his attitude. Not that you're the final word either, but it should be a joint decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 10:10am

I'm not at all suprised zilct's husband tried this. It's easier to ask forgiveness than "permission", and most women are far more likely to go along with "already made plans" than to agree to *make* plans for evil ils to visit.

Contrarywise, it could be that this was presented to *HIM* as "how it will be", and instead of putting *his* foot down, passes it on to his wife to either be the strong one or roll over right along with him.

Neither one is healthy, but unfortunately both are very typical.

lve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 10:24am

Good for you, telling hubby that he does NOT get to dump them onto you. Any time you or your dd are in her presence, his little butt needs to be there too. She is *his* mother, not yours, so *he* needs to entertain her.

I think you should follow a suggestion from other situations, keep the car keys in *your* pocket at all times. Then, if they get off that narrow track of "acceptable" behavior, you have a "plan B" in case hubby tries to "smooth things over". You and dd can leave. I also suggest you make sure there is "room" on your credit card for a hotel for you and dd so you have that escape route, too. Unless you are willing (and able) to throw the whole lot out, making such a big scene that they decide it's "safer" to leave. (Have dd play in her room, with a little warning and a lot of reassurance that she (and her mommy and her daddy) are safe.

Good luck to you, be strong and keep your eye on the "big picture".

lve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 12:55pm

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think lve2read nailed this situation on the head. MIL told DH she would be coming up here, and he didn't have the guts to say "not without an apology you're not." It is easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Too true.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 1:12pm

So what if you see your family more? Are your family members acting like complete ass*oles? If not,then you have a right to not have toxic, nasty people in YOUR home.

People have GOT to get over this "well it's my MOMMY" stuff. Or "they are my FAAAAAMILY", stuff. I mean, would you honestly take crap from a stranger or acquaintance or friend? No? Then why in the world take it from people who just happen to be related? I don't mean little annoyances. Everyone can overlook the small stuff. But some of this with your MIL is not small potatoes. She has been just plain rude and mean. If my mother ever treated my husband the way I have been treated or the way you have been treated, I would tell her off royally and cut her off, at least temporarily.

My husband comes first. Now, why in the world can't husband put their wives first? What IS it about big bad Mama that gets them all in a tizzy?

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 5:12pm
I know. I wonder that too. Also what is Mommy gonna do ground them? I don't think so. Why tick off the woman you live and share a bed with? That is pretty stupid. Men can be so dense sometimes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 10:49pm
Since your DH couldn't tell his mother and grandmother no, I would make sure that HE entertains them. As far as having to be nice to them, I don't think that you have to play nice with them. I'm not one for pretending and I wouldn't pretend like everything is ok when it isn't. You can be civil and polite, but if it were, it wouldn't go any farther than that. I agree with leaving on Friday if DH doesn't take off from work. If you aren't home when they arrive that is just too bad since DH didn't take off from work. He agreed to have them over and TOLD you that they were coming, so it is HIS problem, not yours. Just my 2 cents.

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