WHO'S CRAZY???
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| Mon, 10-16-2006 - 10:29am |
Okay, so I will try to make this a short story, but you need a little background info...
MIL has 4 kids all above age of 16. Her oldest lives with her(he is 24) and rarely gives her money, talks down to her in a way that makes her seem very stupid. She is so passive, that she lets her son run the house. Her 16 yr old daughter does as she pleases, and her mother says nothing. About 8 months ago, she dropped out of school and offered to live with me and watch my kids for free if she could stay. She didnt stay long, because shes a theif and I said "If my stuf keeps comin up missing, I will have someone else watch my kids" she decided to leave, putin me in a financial bind whild H was incarcerated--another long story--hes a good man people--all u need to know. so i decided to call her 30 yr old bf and tell him that shes really 15, although hed been told before. meanwhile the mother knows all and does nothing. the sister (16 yr old) is mad and leaves several nasty messages on my voice mail. H decides to talk to her, but doesnt get too involved--they were raised CRAZY!!! H thinks that since he was locked up, he didnt know the true story and didnt want to take sides--i understand and dont believe in coming between family...we (my H and daughter and son) have been living with his mother for almost 3 months now. She invited us to stay, no strings attached, no ifs and buts or stipulations. she didnt request money either. We were in a finacnial bind--almost ready to move. 1 month into us staying, she asks for money and he says hes tryin to save, but she goes on to say, well "your wife wouldnt let me stay with her for free" and he says "yes she would". We give her money occassionally now, she knows we r leaving--okay, so the other night, me and H are arguning--not loud, about how he disciplined my daughter. i know i am wrong for arguing in front of MIL, but she is constantly in and out of our room (living room) and secretly listening to our convos. I told him "stop thinkin ur the king od the damn world" and she goes off "You wont talk like that in my house, or u can leave, u are very rude" WTH???!!!???....so H defends me, but with hesitation--that is his mom and we r in her house. He basically tells her it wasnt her place and she says "yes it is, im not gonna be walked all over" and he says "ur daughter (his sister) is rude, shes probably out there with old men and gettin high, runnin the streets" she says "oh someone musta talked u into not liking ur sister" he says "no, she treats them other men nice and me and my family like s#$t, so she IS wrong" then he says "what, do u want ____ (sister) to be right"? i wasnt sure what that meant, but i just sat on my blankets while she hides behind the wall and says, "i know___(H) shouldnt be hittin ___(my daughter) like that, but...." then i leave and she says shes scared he will get a warrant for child abuse. no one ever implied anything of that nature--it was a damn argument... she also follows her sons around the house like they are air she has to breathe. if they go outside, she follows, if they start to leave, they get 1000 questions. the oldest one who runs the house has his own silverwear, dish rags, washcloths, etc and if we use one, she says "this is ___(her son) fork" "this is ___ rag", she even knocks on the bathroom door to tell me "____(her son) is going to ned the bathroom in a minute" YES__IT IS INSANE!!! i think she has a couple personaltiy disorders--she is very paranoid--, but it bothers me that i have to live with this woman like this when we used to have a perfectly okay relationship--i think her daughter is influencing her to belive that i am a liar, and evil, like the names she called me on my voice mail. so, please..give me advice, tell me i wasnt wrong, i need clarity--i am sooooo sickened and confused and depressed about living there now--sorry so long and that i rambled--thank u

sno - As a young adult, I lived a few years with my inlaws. Later, I spent many years supporting a husband who pretended to have a profession, but didn't make any money. And now I am a divorced mother and took in a sister who is bi-polar. I have had a lot of years living with other adults, and just trying to hang on and get along. It is sometimes very hard!
It would be easier if we could all read minds, of course. If you could have read your MIL's mind and realized that she was afraid you were going to send your husband back to jail, you might not have felt so surprised and hurt at the way she butted in and yelled at you. She was afraid. I guess that in situations such as yours, it is going to be super-extra-really important to be forgiving, and to try to use all our best manners. Rules of etiquette are rules for a reason, some of them are based on a thousand years' experience with how people tick and what they feel.
So don't let others overhear your fights with your husband. Even if you cannot control his volume-level, you can control yours. You can also invite him to take a walk outside. Don't touch other people's possessions. Arrange ways to finish quickly if the bathrooms are limited. And do whatever you've got to do to get back on your feet financially, so you can move ASAP. Good luck!
Hi Snobunni_t, welcome to the board!
I think your MIL was wrong for interfering in your argument with your DH. Even though it is her house, it is YOUR marriage and not her business about what the two of you argue about. Either the two of you need to be quieter about arguing, or you need to take a drive or go out and get a cup of coffee together and then talk things out. This way, you won't be arguing in front of her.
As for the bathroom issues, all I can say is try to do the best you can to limit your time in the bathroom. If you need to buy your own towels, then buy them. Whatever makes things easier.
Also, I think you should save as much $$ as possible so that you can try to move out of her house. Even if you have to scrimp and scrape and eat PB&J for awhile. Whatever it takes to get out of her house, since she seems to be in everyones' business. She thinks because it is her house that she has the right to be in everyones' things and everyones' business. So, if you don't want to live like that, the only way is to move out.