Sister-In-Law Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Sister-In-Law Advice
8
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:58pm

I don't if I am overeacting, but I have noticed somethings about my sister-in-law that bug me. She is my husband's brother's wife. She will talk to me and make converstation if and only if it's just the two of us or the 4 of us. I have noticed at every single family party or group event she will say hi and talk to me if I make the effort, but other wise will not go out her way and will talk to everyone else there, but me unless i go talk to her. When it's just us she is nice. I never did anything to her and she is very assertive and if I did do something to offend her she would let me know it.

I just get the impression she doesn't want to be bothered. At first i thought i was just overeacting, but it has happened too many times.

I am not comfortable confronting her and asking her. I just don't know what her problem is and wanted to vent.

Can anyone relate?

Thanks, NEW Wed

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:53pm

Hi Newwed5, welcome to the board!

Maybe she doesn't want to be bothered or maybe she doesn't want to be chummy with you. Maybe she just isn't comfortable with getting too comfy with family members. Maybe it is nothing personal and that is just the way she is. Is she the same way around others or is it just you? I wouldn't worry about it too much since she is pleasant towards you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 9:23am
She does talk with his cousins. I think she doesn't want to be bothered.
Whatever. Thanks for your input! Newly Wed
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:46pm

Could it be that she just doesn't know you all too well? Your screen name implies that you are a newly wed, how long have you known her and been involved in with his family at gatherings? If she's been there a while she just may feel more comfortable around the rest of them becuase she doesn't know you very well.

Because you say that she says hi and in groups she talks with you, and when you innitiate she talks to you, I don't think it is something personal against you. I think it's her and her comfort level with you and opening up with you.

How comfortable do you make her feel around you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:59pm
I have known her for almost 3 years and she is VERY outgoing. She knows me very well and is very open with me at times. I have been to all family parties and they have a ton of parties. She is open one on one. It's just in groups. I feel like she only talks to one on one because she has too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 4:37pm
Well then you just have to accept that this is how she is. She for some reason or another doesn't particularly feel like developing more than a together by marriage and brothers type relationship with you. But, keep in mind, that she is at least kind and polite enough to be friendly and nice. She isn't obligated to be nice to you any more than you are obligated to be nice to her, so it could be worse, KWIM? She isn't warm and enviting, but she isn't cold and standoff-ish either right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 12:10am
I understand your situation. I went through the same thing, except it was very obvious that she only talked to me when her sister wasn't around. But when both of my SILs were together, they whispered to each other (very rude) and didn't talk to me at all. It made me feel like she probably told other family members that she didn't like me, and didn't want them to see her talking to me. Her body language also clearly showed her dislike. But if I initiated a conversation with her, she gave me this fake pleasant demeanor and response. So now, I treat her the same way. She's not the only one for you to focus on, at family gatherings -- I talk to other people (MIL, cousins, and I try to have my family around as well. Most importantly, keep your eye on the prize! Your husband. But if you are really bothered by how your she acts towards you, ask your husband about it. He can tell you whether that's her personality or not. Some people have to really trust people before they build a relationship or friendship. SILs can be very difficult, some are even jealous of the bond that the new wife has with their brother. And you DH may be showing you more attention than he shows her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 12:14pm

Are you and your sister-in-law normally friends? Do you see each other more than you see the rest of the family? Do you think she's maybe just trying to visit with people she doens't see often, or does it feel like a real blow-off? I know myself at big family gatherings, I really try to get around to see everybody and probably talk a bit more to people I hardly see than to the people I see all the time (though I would say Hi to my SIL and chat for a bit, but it sounds like yours says nothing?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:59pm
I can't believe it, it's like you're talking about my sister in law. She just sits and gives a "I'm bored" smile and acts like she too good to be around the family, but since she married my husbands brother, she can all of a sudden do no wrong. She treats her husband really bad and they know this and it just makes me ill to be around her, so I choose not to unless it's impossible to get out of, it's not worth the emotional stress.