in-law troubles BIG TIME!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
in-law troubles BIG TIME!!
3
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 11:11am

Where do I even begin... My mother-in-law can not get over my husband's ex-wife. My husband was married to a girl for five years and the two of them have a daughter. When my husband and I first started seeing each other he was going through this nasty divorce. His ex would not sign the papers, it was just a big mess. Anyway, when my mother-in-law found out that he was seeing me, she went crazy! She and the ex joined forces to go after my husband and I any way possible. Here are a few examples..they recorded phone calls, did background checks on me, followed me to find out where I worked, supposedly took pictures of us together and my mother-in-law even showed up at my mother's house and refused to leave. My brother had to call the police! Even then, she sat at the end of the drive way waiting for me to leave! How strange..?? I have never heard of or dealt with anything this crazy! She even had her own son put in jail thinking that would cause us to break up.(He knocked over a barstool in her house and that's was the reason for calling the police) My husband had never been in any kind of trouble and had NEVER had any problems with the law. How could she do that to him? I ended up paying well over $2000 to get him out. She had the ex carry my husband to court again and again for childsupport. The court ordered him to pay $900 a month. Well, after being in jail for over a week, he lost his job and couldn't pay. They had him sent back for not paying the money. I know that I'm just rambling, but it's so many things that one leads to another. I got pregnant and she said that I did that to get at her her. She refused to have anything to do with our son and said that we would never be welcomed at there home. When I gave birth, my family were the only ones to show up at the hospital. My husband had no one. I should also mention that the ex lives on my mother-in-law's land. My husband stated during the divorce that she and his daughter could live there until they were able to find somewhere else. We've been married for four years and she and her now new husband are still living there. It drives my husband crazy. He was not allowed to see his daughter until well after the divorce and then it had to be supervised visits at his mother's and the child was to never be around me. They used that poor little girl in every way possible and my husband doesn't have a relationship with her now because of it. After we married, his mother tried a little to come around (not for us or our children but for his daughter. I talked my husband into giving her a chance. Maybe, just maybe she was trying to move forward. Boy was I wrong. She always has intentions. Recently, my father-in-law passed away and we went home for the funeral. The ex's entire family was at his mother's. During visitation at he funeral home, the ex shows up with her new husband and stays in the family room the entire time. My husband felt so out of place. His mother asked for the ex's brother to be in the funeral knowing how my husband feels about the whole thing. It was so sad! Now, he's stopped speaking to her again and I feel like I should just butt out. I know she doesn't care for me and possibly not the kids either. I just feel so bad about his daughter. Her mother works two jobs and the little girl spends most every weekend with my mother-in-law. That makes it really hard on everybody. Anyway, I apologize for this being such a messy story, but I have so much to say. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Frustrated ME

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2006
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 12:43pm
I think you should figure out exactly what you and your dh want from your MIL. IT is highly unlikely that she will change so you should just live and let live. If your dh pays child support for his daughter than he has every right to seek visitation. If that means the child comes to visit your home for weeks in the summer than you need to make the home accomodating for her too. You could send pictures of you and your dh's children to her with short notes. She might realize what she is missing. (Only handwriiten notes sent in the mail, emails can be altered, plus I would make copies of all correspondence because of the past legal trouble you have had wit her.) When she sees that your dh and you have a nice family that she has no part of, she might be willing to bend a little bit to have you all included in dh's family's life while showing respect to you all as a family. I would not hope for big changes though. Also, if your dh and his ex had an agreement in their divorce clause that she could only live there until she becomes stable, you may have some legal recourse there as well. Not that I would recommend making major waves with this though unless you both can solidly commit to being another family for his daughter. THere would be no point to it if it is only foir revenge because that little girl needs as much family as possible. Just my thoughts...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 1:51pm

Now, he's stopped speaking to her again and I feel like I should just butt out. I know she doesn't care for me and possibly not the kids either. I just feel so bad about his daughter. Her mother works two jobs and the little girl spends most every weekend with my mother-in-law. That makes it really hard on everybody. Anyway, I apologize for this being such a messy story, but I have so much to say. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

hello!! this is probably the best thing-just let him work out his mom issues on his own. maybe not seeing him and not seeing her grandson will help her to come around. there is another child invovled unfortunatly. could you guys seek custody? if you dont want to do this-can you get the courts invovled in someway to intervene so he can have a relationship with his dd? the fact that he is remarried should not even matter as the ex is also remarried. you know, if you guys do seek custody the fact that his mother doesnt like you can be a helpful angle-cuz she could be poisoning the lil girls mind against you and your hubby...besides that, just let his mother be her negative self...she'll regret it evcentually-those kind of people poison all those around them...and eventually shell be alone and regret all her actions. good luck!
joanne
maman2goons@aol.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 8:37am

This is hard to say, but maybe its best that their general contact is over. I'd just let it go. No more attempts to repair rifts, I think its just best that you and he try to start enjoying your own lives and let the others live theirs. Make sure you're always in your step-daughter's life, however never ever say negative things about the other members of the family. You and DH might let her know that if she ever has any questions, you'd be happy to answer them, but never offer information on the subject.

Just walk away from the rest of them at this point. I don't care how hard they try and insinuate themselves in your lives, aside from visits with his daughter, its time to write them off. Get caller ID and ignore their emails, letters, and phone calls. If Ex needs to have an extended conversation other than, "You can pick up daughter at 8:00", she should talk with you through your lawyer. That's it.

Good Luck.




Edited 10/30/2006 9:39 am ET by patience_is_a_virtue