Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
Confused
3
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 2:22pm

I am confused after last night. My one SIL2B comes up every other weekend or what seems like every chance she gets when her boys don't have anything going on, and stays at mine and DH2B's house whenevery they come up because there is no room at their parents to stay. Well I had been mad at her, because she comes up all the time and it doesn't seem like she asks if it's ok. I'm a person who likes to have time to myself after the work week. I don't mind company, but sometimes I just don't want company that stays the whole weekend. And right now DH2b and I need this time to get to know each other better and figure some things out before we get married. Is that so wrong to have that time together? We both work full time jobs and then there are animals to feed, so we don't have much time during the week nights to spend with each other. I'm lucky if he's in the house by 8:00 pm.

Any way DH2B mentioned to me that we would be having company next weekend (first weekend in nov.). I said his sister had already told me. Then I mentioned to him (again) we need to talk about how much she comes up to visit. I have tried to talk to him about it before, but all he says is "I konw" and doesn't tell me anything else. It's like he's not telling me everything. I told him that last night when he clamed up (that he's not telling me something). Then he said "maybe I like my family coming up." I asked if he had ever thought about what is going to happen after we get married and have a family. "Yes, but that's down the road, things change" is all DH2B said. I told him we need to get this figured out.

What I'm confused about is, is he that close to his sister he has to have her come up or does she just come up cause she thinks she needs to and he's afraid to make her mad by telling her no she can't come up? I don't get it. I have never heard him say anything bad about his sisters or heard any of them fight. Maybe I came from the bad family but complain about my sister, and she's my best friend. I know she complains about me too. Yes, my sister is over some but she's 20 miles away and his sister is 2hrs away. He has another sister who is about 5 hrs. away. There are times I've told my sister no she cant' come over. It's not like my sis is over everyday, just every once in a while.

Sorry if some of this sounds choppy and doesn't make any sense. I was just trying to keep it short. If someone has any suggestions how to work this out let me know.

Thanks
D

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
In reply to: farmgirl_19
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 2:43pm
hello!! i would have to think that your fiancee is trying to keep the peace-and he doesnt want to make waves or make her mad. ive been in that boat-i just posted about my inlaws living with me, but i also have another sil who lives nearby and my dh constantly has her kids...now i know that my sil and her hubby are going through a divorce and she does take our kids and will buy us lunch or soda or lil treats now and then to thank us for helping her out, but every now and then, you have to say no. i did the other day and my hubby got mad at me-i told him "look-they just spent the whole weekend here-and today is my day off-i want to enjoy it-i dont want to chase after 2 more kids..."plus from time to time, my oldest dd and my sils oldest son (theyre only 9 monthes apart)fight and they can get on each others nerves when they spend too much time together. and you know even though he got mad at me intially, he got over it-and the kids came over the next day-and his sister came over too-and helped by buying a side dish and they all had a nice dinner(except for me-i was at work, but oh well). i would seriously discuss it with your hubby to be-tell him that you dont mind the occasional visits, but there needs to be a limit-cuz you want some time to spend with him...not him and his sister...just him. selfish or not, its how you feel...i have to tell my hubby the same thing-id like to go out with you and the girls-not you and the girls and our niece and nephew...we just had inlaws move out-we now have time and money to be together by ourselves after 2 long years-i intend to take advantage of that...it might sound selfish, but its not-he needs to see your point and respect it-hes going to be married to you, not his sister...good relationship or not-there has to be a limit...take care!
JOANNE
MAMAN2GOONS@aol.com
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: farmgirl_19
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 3:59pm
If he is like this now, and won't change, don't marry him. If he puts them first now, you don't have a prayer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
In reply to: farmgirl_19
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 2:22pm

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone and feeling like I'm going crazy over something stupid. I also worry about making H2B mad about telling his sister no she cant' come. Now I know I won't worry about it, because its my house to. Again, thank you for the help!

D