Update: Mid Visit with MIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Update: Mid Visit with MIL
4
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 9:15am

OMG


Let me tell you about what my visit is going like so far. They came on Friday afternoon, stayed at my house a half and hour, went to dinner, then back to the hotel. Like no time visiting with my DD or DH. Okay. Then today, Saturday, they told DH they were going to a movie, and wouldn't be coming to visit with us until 3pm. That means four hours visiting today, then gone tomorrow am. Now why in world would my MIL drive six hours here, and then visit for a total of about 8 hrs with her grandaughter (whom she hasn't seen since July) and her son? I felt bad for DH, he wasn't pleased they were going to see a movie and not visit with us. Oh well, good for me though!


Listen to this too...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 10:19am

I'm glad to hear it is going as well as it is. Just maybe, this will open DH's eyes.

lve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 7:50pm

Ah yes, the "food offering". She sounds just like my mom. Never apologize or talk it out. Just show up in with some goodie in hand and all is beautiful again. Usually, I get mint chocolate. My kids always laugh about grammas "food offerings".

Terri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 7:41am

Wow, Liz!

Your MIL sounds a lot like my in-laws: weird passive agressive behavior, childish, selfish, want to treat you badly but want you to like them.

It's really sad, because she will probably never have a good relationship with your daughter, and it will be her fault.

The part about the bagels shows that she knows she's a problem, but she's not willing to do any "real" work like admit wrongdoing and try to build a relationship with you. Instead she does something easy like drop a few dollars on bagels (boo-hoo she had to drive a few miles) and you're supposed to know that's a mea culpa. My in-laws boycotted me for three years when I started dating DH, and in the last decade since they dropped the sanctions they have spent lots of money on me and want me to like them. Do they ever admit that they treated me like a piece of s*&t? No. And if I don't act like the sweet caring DIL, they complain loudly.

You've got to get your husband on your side. I think her recent behavior helps, but he's got to have you and your daughter as his priority and make his mother behave or stay away. If my DH didn't see the way his parents treated me, and act as a shield against them, I know that it would take its toll on our marriage.

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 1:59pm
Oh brother. What a piece of work. I doubt that she took all of that time to buy those bagels. She probably just said that to make herself look good. As far as going to the movies instead of visiting, that is crap. She can go to the movies any time. That just showed how important her son and gd really are to her. Not at all.

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