the last straw....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
the last straw....
1
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 7:57am
Ladies,I have been through this sort of behavior regarding in-laws, specifically MIL,....and, what I don't get is, how do these men ever think they'll get anyone, ever to be ok with them siding with them and taking the intimacy out of the relationship by doing those things??? Who would put up with it??? Will they ever learn to stop it??? Or, just remain alone??? Once you're in a relationship (takes time), I think they somehow arrange some reasoning to do this but, if they just stepped back for a second objectively, you'd think they'd say, "Oh, my gosh, what have I done!!??". May he has but, b/c of the abuse, I stayed gone this time. Of course, he's made no contact either. And, it hurts when your family mentions, "He's gotten what he wants; mommy to himself". But, it's true. Sick....and, I don't really know why???? Why are men like this, I mean, the ones who actually do this---siding with thier parents, dragging them into personal scenerios and you had no idea, "tattling", manipulating, controlling, putting you in your place around them and them doing the same thing! Why? I have researched this everywhere... and found nothing that gives me some insight into what it is. It was bad. From the first time I met his parents--first day--his mom announced in a room of people her greatest wish is that her son would be with thier best friends' daughter and she's holding out hope for that!!!!!!!!!! And, then he proceeded to say hours later when I finally told him, "you're trying to take me away from my mother, she'd never say that, you're a !$#$, I'll get to the bottom of this tomorrow", all in heated anger, poking his finger into my head, and my cringing in the corner in disbelief and tears thinking, I've gotta get away from these people....then, the next day, he found out I wasn't a liar, his mom made some weak move to say sorry, and she somehow by the end of her "apology" gets me to tell her sorry, cause she seemed so wounded!!!! Huh? I told ex this and he said, "she has a way of doing that to people" ok??....So, From beginning to end it's been a nightmare and I think very strongly that it's all connected to how he relates and has been treated by mom/stepdad. I could be wrong, and I am sure there's much more to it without trying to analyze it to death, but, I know his parents had a strong grip on him; mentally, physically, everything. He couldn't make a move unless he ran it by them first. It's like he couldn't make up his mind and they had to tell him how to feel about everything-including us. A shame.
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 2:17pm
The reason these men are that way, is because they are programmed to be dependant on their families. They think that its normal to check with Mommy and/or Daddy before making any decisions. They refuse to see their families for who they really are. With the exception of a few men, most never will without counseling. They think that their families especially Mommy can do no wrong. They don't care if it costs them the woman they pledged their life too. They will never turn against the family. Its really sad and pathetic that these men can't see things for what they really are and they allow their families to control them. They aren't men at all. They are nothing more the really big 5 year olds.

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