Take control back from mother-in-law???
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Take control back from mother-in-law???
| Mon, 10-30-2006 - 11:25am |
Hi All
I've just recently got engaged to a lovely man, but his mother is extremely interferring and is trying to take over the organisation of my wedding. She is driving me nuts and is putting a lot of pressure on my relationship with her son.
Without being rude, how can I take control back from her and make sure that I get the wedding that I want?
She wants something big and lavious and I want something small and envious, I am at my wits end and sometimes feel that perhaps my fiance should go and secretly get married my the magistrate !!!
Any ideas or stories of people who have been in the same situation would really ease my mind.
Thanks all.

joanne
maman2goons@aol.com
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
First off, make sure that you and your fiance are financing the wedding, and not your future MIL. Even the smallest contrabution can get some into the entitlement phase and you want to keep her as far away from any slight miniscule grasp of entitlement.
Second, talk with your fiance and decide what the two of you want your wedding to be. It will get easier if the two of you have decided what you do and almost more important, do NOT want.
Third, politely decline. Get used to starting sentences "that's very nice of you but...", "that is a lovely suggestion but...", "we will consider that", and "thank you for...., but....".
Fourth, remember that by marrying him, you are volunteering for her to be in your life. So, as long as she is annoying and not evil, you smile. Be polite. Do what you want and don't live your lives to make her happy.
Hi Foxytots, welcome!
Congrats on the engagement!
How does your fiance feel about his mother trying to take over the organization of the wedding?
The next time your future MIL says something about organizing the wedding, let her know that you already have decided what you are going to do (even if you haven't). Also, you can let her know that she can relax because YOU are organizing it.
Perhaps if your future MIL is going to continue to be a pain no matter what you and/or your fiance say, maybe you should considering eloping and having a nice wedding somewhere just the two of you, or a few close friends and family members (if you so choose).
We had the same problem. My dh and I wanted to go the judge to get married, and then have a family cookout afterwards. (this was when my mil still liked me, I wasn't the evil daughter-in-law yet) Anyways, his family would not accept that. They started looking into where we can have a big party, catering, music, the whole deal. We didn't want any of that. We wanted just a simple cookout and that's it.
We ended up canceling the date we were supposed to get married, and we changed it and didn't tell anyone. I mean nobody. We got up on July 3rd,2004, and went to the courthouse and got married. We didn't tell anyone that day. It was our secret. The next day was the Fourth of July and there was already a cookout planned for that day at our house, but it was just something simple. We waited until everyone got there on the Fourth of July and we had our cookout the way we wanted it. We have absolutely no regrets about the way we did it.
The bottom line is, it's your wedding, do it your way. Even if it means that you have to be a little creative or sneaky to get it.
“It’s sometimes hard to listen without judgement but people do appreciate being heard.†aka Sam Spade, 23rd August 2007