oh my goodness. what a witch. Well I am not the best to ask for advice as my own fmil is an overstepper as well.
but I do feel that you need to get partner on your side properly. maybe sit down and explain with him how you feel. after reading all the replies you get of course. I just don't know how the best way would be to get your partner on your side if he doesn't listen to you and listens to his mother.
another suggestion - maybe look for alternative carer instead of going to mil? or at least cut the time down??
if she is not listening to you in regards to stuff like the cup, I don't feel the kid would be quite safe in her hands. it is not her child to do with as she pleases.
I will watch this thread with great interest as I feel it could come in handy if boyfriend and I ever have children together.
Find another sitter, or stay home with him. Seriously. She said she won't watch him anymore? Well, that is your "out". Get another sitter or good daycare. Cut her out of that loop completely.
Oh and you have a DH problem, more than a MIL problem.
Tell your DH that he needs to choose whether he wants to be "mommy's boy" or your husband because he cannot do both and your marriage survive. You are NOT wrong. She has no rights to your child and has no right to do things behind your back. And really, he should know that most women do not find "little boys" like him to be even remotely attractive. Yuck.
I feel that guys like that should never marry and instead live with Mommy so they don't inflict undue stress and hell on some poor woman.
Has your husband witnessed his pweshus mommee screaming, cussing and berating you, his WIFE? If so, then you really have a problem. Let him know that his mother does not have to like you or love you, but she has to respect you as your child's mother, or she will not be seeing him. I would not allow people who scream, cuss at me, and otherwise berate and belittle me, to be around my child. Ever. And neither should your husband.
Let HER know that you will not be cussed at, screamed at, or disrespected any longer. That you are the mother and she, as the grandmother, is merely extended family and has no say in anything. She is to follow your instructions concerning your child, or she won't be seeing him unsupervised. Do this in front of your DH, so he is a witness to it. Or record the conversation. Avoid being alone with her at all costs.
What do you do? You smile. Be polite. Ignore the crap out of her and bask in the moments she disappears. She sounds annoying, not evil. Annoying is tollerated because you love your husband.
This is only my opinion on some things you've said. Like your MIL's opinions, you can choose to let it go in one ear and out the other :-)
" I've asked her to not take my son for long walks (hour long walks) during the day as we go on a special long walk when I pick him up."
I don't see the big deal. Her taking him for a walk doesn't make your walk less special. I don't think it's right of you to request that just because you take a long walk with him. He's your son, so you have the right to request whatever you want in his othercare, but it wasn't right OF you to request that IMO. Her taking him for a long walk does not detract from the specialness of taking a long walk with you. And besides, it's special to you, to him it's always special to get to go outside, right?
"She got extremely mad and didn't talk to me for two days."
Lol, Ah blessed silence!
""I'm his Grandmother, I will do what I want to do if I feel it is developmentally appropriate""
Oh my gosh I would have been seething! I am his mother and you as the grandmother do not have the privilage of deciding to go against what *I* deem appropriate. If you can't accept that you can't be trusted with him!
I think you just need more confidence in your mommyhood. Sure, she's BTDT and may very well have some valuable insight and suggestions. Just smile. Be polite. And ignore the crap out of her.
Since your MIL has decided she doesn't want to your watch your son anymore, I agree with Mom2danjam that is your out in not having to deal with her. If you have to, stay home and watch him on your own. If it were me, I wouldn't want her around him because she's going to do as she pleases and then your DH takes her side! What is up with that? Why does he take her side? Is he afraid of her? Is he a Mommy's Boy? Why can't he stand up for you?
You don't have to see your MIL and she doesn't have to watch your son. I know you are in nursing school and that is great. However, in the meantime you are fighting with MIL over your son. He is YOUR son, end of discussion. If it were me, I would immediately start to watch him at home by myself.
wow i am so sorry. I mean i guess u could tell her way to go, and tell your husband to stick up for you some more. I mean you are the mom not her and she needs to get it throw her head. U need to put your foot down. best of luck
I was thinking the same thing about the walk...and Halloween - why is less special for you and DH if the grandparents come along? As to the grandmother comment, I would definitely tell her right then and there what the situation is! You are the mother and you deem what is and isn't appropriate.
When she yells or screams at you, you tell her that you will not take that disrespect. If she has something to say, she can TELL you. Then if she does it even the slighest bit - you walk away. You can be the bigger person and it will probably annoy the heck out of her.
I also hope that your DS is nowhere around when she behaves that way. Otherwise, you and DH will have to think twice about letting him be around her. Give her a chance to change that before you walk away tho - then DH will know that YOU tried and SHE is the problem.
oh my goodness. what a witch. Well I am not the best to ask for advice as my own fmil is an overstepper as well.
but I do feel that you need to get partner on your side properly. maybe sit down and explain with him how you feel. after reading all the replies you get of course. I just don't know how the best way would be to get your partner on your side if he doesn't listen to you and listens to his mother.
another suggestion - maybe look for alternative carer instead of going to mil? or at least cut the time down??
if she is not listening to you in regards to stuff like the cup, I don't feel the kid would be quite safe in her hands. it is not her child to do with as she pleases.
I will watch this thread with great interest as I feel it could come in handy if boyfriend and I ever have children together.
You do need to get your husband on the same page with you.
PPD is usually temporary and once it is gone, it does not come back (unless there is another pregnancy).
Find another sitter, or stay home with him. Seriously. She said she won't watch him anymore? Well, that is your "out". Get another sitter or good daycare. Cut her out of that loop completely.
Oh and you have a DH problem, more than a MIL problem.
Tell your DH that he needs to choose whether he wants to be "mommy's boy" or your husband because he cannot do both and your marriage survive. You are NOT wrong. She has no rights to your child and has no right to do things behind your back. And really, he should know that most women do not find "little boys" like him to be even remotely attractive. Yuck.
I feel that guys like that should never marry and instead live with Mommy so they don't inflict undue stress and hell on some poor woman.
Has your husband witnessed his pweshus mommee screaming, cussing and berating you, his WIFE? If so, then you really have a problem. Let him know that his mother does not have to like you or love you, but she has to respect you as your child's mother, or she will not be seeing him. I would not allow people who scream, cuss at me, and otherwise berate and belittle me, to be around my child. Ever. And neither should your husband.
Let HER know that you will not be cussed at, screamed at, or disrespected any longer. That you are the mother and she, as the grandmother, is merely extended family and has no say in anything. She is to follow your instructions concerning your child, or she won't be seeing him unsupervised. Do this in front of your DH, so he is a witness to it. Or record the conversation. Avoid being alone with her at all costs.
What do you do? You smile. Be polite. Ignore the crap out of her and bask in the moments she disappears. She sounds annoying, not evil. Annoying is tollerated because you love your husband.
This is only my opinion on some things you've said. Like your MIL's opinions, you can choose to let it go in one ear and out the other :-)
" I've asked her to not take my son for long walks (hour long walks) during the day as we go on a special long walk when I pick him up."
I don't see the big deal. Her taking him for a walk doesn't make your walk less special. I don't think it's right of you to request that just because you take a long walk with him. He's your son, so you have the right to request whatever you want in his othercare, but it wasn't right OF you to request that IMO. Her taking him for a long walk does not detract from the specialness of taking a long walk with you. And besides, it's special to you, to him it's always special to get to go outside, right?
"She got extremely mad and didn't talk to me for two days."
Lol, Ah blessed silence!
""I'm his Grandmother, I will do what I want to do if I feel it is developmentally appropriate""
Oh my gosh I would have been seething! I am his mother and you as the grandmother do not have the privilage of deciding to go against what *I* deem appropriate. If you can't accept that you can't be trusted with him!
I think you just need more confidence in your mommyhood. Sure, she's BTDT and may very well have some valuable insight and suggestions. Just smile. Be polite. And ignore the crap out of her.
Hi Amberdawn2424, welcome to the board!
Since your MIL has decided she doesn't want to your watch your son anymore, I agree with Mom2danjam that is your out in not having to deal with her. If you have to, stay home and watch him on your own. If it were me, I wouldn't want her around him because she's going to do as she pleases and then your DH takes her side! What is up with that? Why does he take her side? Is he afraid of her? Is he a Mommy's Boy? Why can't he stand up for you?
You don't have to see your MIL and she doesn't have to watch your son. I know you are in nursing school and that is great. However, in the meantime you are fighting with MIL over your son. He is YOUR son, end of discussion. If it were me, I would immediately start to watch him at home by myself.
I was thinking the same thing about the walk...and Halloween - why is less special for you and DH if the grandparents come along? As to the grandmother comment, I would definitely tell her right then and there what the situation is! You are the mother and you deem what is and isn't appropriate.
When she yells or screams at you, you tell her that you will not take that disrespect. If she has something to say, she can TELL you. Then if she does it even the slighest bit - you walk away. You can be the bigger person and it will probably annoy the heck out of her.
I also hope that your DS is nowhere around when she behaves that way. Otherwise, you and DH will have to think twice about letting him be around her. Give her a chance to change that before you walk away tho - then DH will know that YOU tried and SHE is the problem.
GL,
Go.