Mother in-law is driving me CRAZY

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
Mother in-law is driving me CRAZY
4
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 11:43am
This is the deal, my soon to be mother in law is going to ruin my life!!! In the very beginning she actedso nice, but she would tell me bad things about her other daughter law who is going to be my soon to be sister in law. She tried to put things in my head so I wouldn't like my soon 2b SIL. She would be real ugly and say that my S.I.L was fat and mean and never wants to be around and she just wants to take away her son. After a few years I noticed she was getting worse, she lies a lot and I found out that she tried to ruin my S.I.L wedding and when they finally got married my monster in law would call her son and asked him "has your cooked for you, did she wash you cloths, did she pack your lunch" she babies her sons who are now, 26 and 23. She minipulates fights and causes drama she is a very dramatic person. Well Little by little her true colors started to come out, she calls her sons "oh my babies, mi amor (my love)" a bunch of pet names and it drives ne nutts its so annoying she refers to herself as "mommy" if she's having a conversation with someone she will say oh my babies always tell "mommy you need to take care of yourself" not once as my fiance called her mommy!! Its as if she still wants them to be her little boys and no one is as good for them then she is!! Sometimes if there lying down on her sofa or bed she'll jump on the bed with them and try to hold them like there were babies or something!! She ALWAYS talks about them when they were little, and its like there not little anymore so shut up!! This isn't just a every once and a while situation its EVERYDAY EVERY SEC. it drives me and my S.I. L CRAZY. She tells people mean things about us and says were so mean to her and always has to be the victim. The worst thing is that my S.I.L and I can't even talk to our husbands about it because they get mad and say "why are you talking about my mom" they get so hurt but if she says something about us they say " my mom wouldn't say or by mean" One day my fiance was in an accident and he had to call her to pick him up, and she loves attention and being the "hero" his accident was far from her house it WAS DOWN THE STREET, she made a huge deal out of it and at first I didn't know he was in an accident SHE calls me and doesn't even give my fiance a chance to tell me she calls and say frantic "OMG HE WAS IN AN ACCIDENT I'M SCARED WHAT DO I DO AND I CAN'T FIND HIM, OH MY BABY WHAT DO I DO" I freaked out because I thought it was a really bad accident. she's crying on the phone and freaking out so I freak out, finally he calls and tells me he's ok its nothing huge, i tell him how his mom was acting he says ignor it. she calls me again and says she found him and he's ok, I told her well let me talk to him I want to talk to him! that crazy women tells me NO, I asked why she said just no he's busy, I yelled and said I want to talk to him now, she still tells me no. then hangs up!! Its like she wanted to be there and take care of him and baby him. this went on for about 2 hours where I kept calling and asking to speak to MY FIANCE, she would say NO!! Then to make things worse she tells my fiance that I was yelling at her I told him did she tell you why, he got mad at me becaue I was mean to her and this whole time she was saying things about me to him and make it seem like I was so mean to her!! this is just a piece of the drama, she talks bad about me and my S.I.L and tries to turn our husbands against us she is very sneaky and smart about what she's doing!! We can't take it anymore!! How can I put an end to this, how can we make our husbands see there "mommy" true colors. If we mention anything neg. about there mom and we can do this in a very nice way they still get defensive and hurt. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 11:58am
this is a tough situation
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 1:06pm
Okay, there is no help. Have you seen the t.v. show Everybody Loves Raymond? It sounds like you are volunteering yourself into that life. He's always going to choose his mother over you, and when you have children he will choose her over them too. It seems hard to believe but it shouldn't, you can see the evidence now. He jumps to defend her and then denies that she'd do anything wrong. That's not normal, or healthy in a relationship. I recommend premarital counceling. I also recommend thinking long and hard if you are really willing to VOLUNTEER for that life. Because that is exactly what marrying your fiance will be. And, knowing what you know how he is with her and how she is, and choosing to volunteer for it anyway, you sort of forfit the right to nag and complain and get mad/upset about it when it continues to happen. You can't want a furry little pet that'll curl up in your lap, go buy an alligator, and then be upset/mad that it isn't furry and curled up purring in your lap. KWIM?

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Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 1:41pm

I agree with you. To the OP:

RUN, like a citizen of Tokyo fleeing Godzilla. Do NOT marry this man. You will regret it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 2:44am
I have been through similiar situation and let me just tell you I could tell stories you just wouldn't believe!! Bottom line If I could have one regret my whole life it would definatly be marrying someone whose mother is so insecure that she would rather create turmoil and hurt people so she is always the number one in both of her sons life. I had 3 beautiful boys and then became a stay at home mom. Well my psycho MIL didn't want to work anymoreshe was constantly nagging my hub how was to retire. She aggresively tried to break up my marriage with the hopes that after he divorced me they would take my boys and she would have a reason to get control over her son and his finances .She went as far as to steal all of my jewelry in the hopes that I would think I was going nuts and hand over my life to her.
I am still married we live in Fl instead of NJ now but now I think he supports his mother and refuses to tell me.If I find out that is the case I say She can have him!!!! If you are not married yet.... please.. seriously reconsider.If the behavior is as perverse as my MIL then run run run!!!I mean that in light hearted way!! best of luck
Sav