I am new, so here is my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
I am new, so here is my story
2
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 6:01pm

Hello! I will try to get the major points covered without writing a novel!!
My husband (of 3 mos) and i dated for 6 yrs before getting married.Don't be fooled, I am 23 and he 26, but our story tops the cake if you ask me! I was 17 when we started dating and his parents were always loving, inviting, generous, etc. Throughout all of our dating years i looked forward to having them as in-laws! The MIL and I became great friends,and i think that is where i went wrong...A family issue brought us closer and we confided all of our feelings and thoughts into each other for the year that it went on......Little did I know she was using my "confessions" against me! Long story, but there was a big fall out between me the MIL and SIL.........The SIL and I haven't spoke in over a year....And the MIL and I are as close to worst enemy's as you can get!

THEN!!! We got engaged!!!!!! I thought it would all be wonderful! a beautiful wedding that was perfect!!!! BUT!!!! The MIL!!!! I swear she tried her best to sabatoge me!! She didn't do ANYTHING that was her "job" with the wedding.....She paid for flowers, and that is it!!! I didn't get a bridal shower from her or her family....and she and the SIL were an hr late for wedding pics holding up the whole process.....................BUT......I got over it!!!

The marriage.......My husband and i live about an hour and a half from the In-laws.....We lead very busy lives because we both work full time, and i am finishing college....Welllll the MIL has proceeded to gossip about how i have ruined her life basically to all of her small town friends which ends up back in my ears.....I just don't know how to handle her!!! She will not call me, email me nothing!!! She calls my husband and cry's about how she never gets to see us, and he explains how busy we are and how we miss them too!! It is never good enough though! Keep in mind she has made NO attempt to come see us!! My husband gets very upset with our whole family situation...and i don't blame him.....at one time it was heaven, family trips, campouts, dinners etc..and now we can't be in the same room with each other!!

There has been a HUGE battle of who is the "main" woman in my husbands life.....she plans b-days, holidays, etc. and NEVER consults me with any of it...My husband is expected to attend all functions, however, my presence in not important.....

OOHHHHHH and did i mention she took it upon herself to send out my wedding thank you notes and um.......NOT TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The list of "tales" can go on and on and on.....................is there anyone out there who can tell me how to get along?!?! I know that it is going to be me giving in to her, and making her feel like her and my husbands relationship outweighs our marriage.....but i am NOT prepared to do that!!! call me bitter, nasty, whatever..............just help me!! :/

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:18am
All I can say is keep your chin up and remember that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I would like to say that it gets better over time but I'm not even to sure of that myself. Just wait until you have a child of your own. The MIL even becomes a bigger issue. My MIL is always telling me how to take care of my son and always indicating that I am doing everything wrong. She acts as though she is so perfect. I know that my ILs think that I am lazy and don't do anything but just because I don't scrub down the entire bathroom every day or vacuum every day and so on doesn't mean that I don't do anything. Right now my DH and I are in a weird situation because my ILs have just moved back (long story short they moved to the coast (stayed only two weeks) while we moved into their house so we could save up to buy it off them, then came back and are living in the basement). It is the worst thing so far that has ever happened to me. I am living in the land of Stupid and Weird and my IL's are the King and Queen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 7:53pm

How does your other half feel about all of this??

I have recently come to the conclusion that without partners help, life will be way too hard when dealing with the inlaws.

Need to get partner to understand where you are coming from. If he feels he is happy with the way mother is handling the "threesome" in the marriage then it is time to take steps.

to mil - It is not your job to send out thank you's for OUR wedding
- I am doing the next birthday at my house, let me know who you would like to invite.

etc etc.