In laws and Thanksgiving

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
In laws and Thanksgiving
3
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 7:56pm
I really did not want to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws. Both my MIL and I had the idea of getting the family together for a portrait. I wanted to do it after Thanksgiving, because I didn't want to be there for dinner and all of that. Well, she changed it at the last minute and only talked to my husband and not me. I don't think my husband thought anything was amiss, and I never told him that I didn't really want to go, because I didn't want him to get upset. The plain truth is, I'm not comfortable because, there are more of them and less of me, and I just feel outnumbered. If I had some friends to be there for support I would feel better. My husband is just blind to the whole thing. His parents never talk to me other than when I'm at their home. My MIL is so out of touch, and she has already brainwashed everyone in laws spouses and her extended family about me. Her insecurity and always talking down about herself drives me crazy too. Its really frustrating because how she sees me and who I really am arent quite the same. The extended family doesn't make the effort to get to know me either, they already have their circle. She is kind of a brainwasher and likes to be in control of the family. I don't like her controlling mine and was relieved when we were able to move 2 hours away. I will feel better when we are able to live further away. I know that I have to compromise sometimes, and I don't know why it makes such a difference to me whether the whole event was scheduled before or after the actual date of Thanksgiving. Bottom line is, I really don't like my in laws and I don't want anything to do with them. They are okay I guess, they aren't crazy, but I don't mesh, I don't get along with them. A lot of the things they do are very ignorant. I can say hi, but that's about all. I'm just tired of trying to make a connection with them. I'm always left to be an outsider, so my reaction is that I don't want to be there, don't want to go. After 5 years of marriage and a grandson, I'm just not accepted by my in laws, into the "circle".
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 8:52pm
If you don't want to go then don't go. You and your ds stay home and enjoy a peaceful Thanksgiving for once. If Dh wants to go and be around that drama then let him go. Course any man that goes to see the family that treats his wife like dirt isn't much of a husband or father.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 8:02am
Things weren't as they seemed concerning my husband. When I finally was able to talk to him and suspicions/perceptions that I had, that he may have just been letting it fly, were laid to rest. He complained that his mom just told him what they were doing and when they were doing it and how it was going to be doable but a hardship on us (schedule)and didn't understand why they just didn't stick to original plans. I told him that I had been upset and why. I also figured that it will be best that in the future that if there is planning going on that my MIL needs to talk to me directly. Just so that I don't get upset at my husband for percieving that his mom con'ed him into it pulling her apron strings and that I don't feel left out of the circle. So I told my husband that if she talks to him about plans that he needs to tell her to talk to me.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 8:07am

Good,


Go and be an adult. Put on a smile, be polite, and show everyone who you are by your actions. Your MIL behavior is no secret to the rest of the family. My theory is you can get along with anyone if you're only with them for a few hours.


As for your MIL "speaking directly to you." Nope! That's between you and your husband. Your husband needs to stand up to his mother, that's not your job. If he can't then you need to help him by reinforcing his role as your husband. Might be old fashioned but it's true.


Good luck.