MIL AND FIL won't Participate

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
MIL AND FIL won't Participate
2
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 7:34pm
Yesterday was a wonderful day for our Baby Boy. It was his Baptism day. Too bad MIl and FIL couldn't share in the joy. There were of course invited to both the Ceremony and the Party but chose to not attend. The morning of DH reminded them to which MIL resonded "That's not our thing". When DH asked what she meant she said that she did her spiritual thing with her children by having them receive aboriginal names (they are Native). When DH asked what his was she couldn't even remember (obviously not that important enough for her to remember). I can understand someone not wanting to be involved with Religion (to each their own) and I respect but then they didn't even attend the Party afterwards. My whole family was asking where they were and all we could say was we didn't know. What really got me though was it's not just about Religion it is about Family and Community. They didn't want to be invlved at all. Things have been so rough but a line was crossed because essentially what they were saying was that celebrating something important for us and our son "was not their thing". This was the last straw. My DH and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that once we are moved out communication will pretty much stop. If they didn't want to go to the Church fine but they should have still shown up to the party. It wasn't about Religion or DH or I, it was about our son and they chose to keep themselves away. I was so hurt over the whole thing. What gets me is that they spent the whole time alone in the basement watching cable eating whatever it was they cooked on the hotplate (yes they won't even come upstairs to use the stove) and drink beer. They are wallowing in their own sh** to deep to even enjoy family. Definatly not influences I want on my son. It also sends a pretty bad image to my family about them. We used to get alon but ever since my son was born things go downhill. Maybe because I never let her push me around and never took her outdated kooky advice. I was willing to overlook and overcome certain things but that was it. They wrote their own ticket out of our lives. MIL has already disowned her daughter, won't talk to her relatives (sees them as inferior) and now we are being pushed away. As my DH said they won't realize it until later when they ask themselves why no one calls them. I can't wait to move and feel free to be myself again.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 8:02am

Mommie,


Sometimes we ask or expect things from people they aren't capable of giving. Your in-laws have made it clear they won't be involved in your lives or your son's life. So, if you accept that, and get your own place, it will be easier for you.


For what it's worth, you did the only thing you could do regarding your son's Baptism. You invited them and they elected not to come. Their decision. Make no excuses for them to anyone. Just say, "They chose not to come," and leave it at that. You don't have to make explanations for them.


Good luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 1:23pm

I feel bad that you are angry. I would be too if I were in the situation. But the only one who gets hurt over this is you and DH. Your IL's don't care, don't show they care, and let you know up front that this is the situation. Take it for face value, get your own place, and then

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