Mother In Law Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
Mother In Law Help
2
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 9:59am
So I just found this board and am so glad to know one exists! To get on with it I would love some advice on how to deal with a controlling mother in law. The question of the day! My husband and I dated for 6 months before he asked me to marry him. I had absolutely no problems with his mother during this time. She was pleasant, nice and easy to get along with. It was as if she morphed as soon as we announced we would be getting married. I figured she blamed me for taking "her baby" away from her. He is the baby of her 3 sons. So we got married in January and a week later found out we were going to have a baby. WOW what a surprise! Once she found this out, I was dealing with a completely different woman. She started making me feel unwelcome when we would visit. She started telling me how I would have to do things with my baby. She found out what kind of diapers I was going to use and jumped down my throat because she thinks I should use a different kind. In that instant I thought wow, this is going to be fun. She constantly tells my husband how we should be doing things and such. He is on my side with this but when he talks to her on the phone (we live in a different state, thank GOD!) he acts different like he lets her get to him for a minute until I have to bring him back. They visited after the baby was a few weeks old and she bought gifts for her two granddaughters and got nothing for our son. This really made me irritated because she came in our house showing off the gifts for her granddaughters, making a big deal out it and was empty handed for her grandson. She has gotten him nothing since he was born. I see that she treats him different but my husband thinks it's no big deal. I will not let her watch the baby because she puts pillows in the crib, uses blankets, thinks they need to be way overdressed to be warm and keeps the temperature way too hot. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt but she makes it very hard to do. She thinks she has to be in control. She told my husband that she wanted some pictures of the baby but only if they didn't have stupid stuff in the background. What?!? She takes her granddaughters for a week or two at a time so now I have that to deal with because she thinks she is going to do that with my son but I will not let that happen because I am not comfortable with her watching him. She doesn't understand that I am a first time mom and I'm going to hold him close and be a little more critical of the situations I put him in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 1:18pm

Hello.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 8:09pm

First thing I would do is get caller id on your phone. If she rings then don't pick up. Unless you already have that of course.

Secondly if she even mentions looking after your kid I would be telling her no straight out. Don't let your kids go anywhere without your supervision if it is someone you do not trust. Its not worth the stress and the possibility of heartache (blankets etc)

Thirdly as I have recently discovered, you need to get dh not only on your side, but sticking up for you. I haven't learnt how to do that one yet but am working on it.

I haven't had kids yet so am not even qualified to try and help with ideas. But YOU are the mum. Don't let her push you around.

good luck