love/hate Future mother in law
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love/hate Future mother in law
| Thu, 11-09-2006 - 5:56pm |
at this point all i need to do is vent and i really would like some advice on how to deal with this. My future mother in law is a wonderful person i love her with all my heart BUT she seems to have NO common sense and its soo frustrating!! my bf and i live with her right now until we can get into an apartment and EVERYDAY we dread going home because as soon as we walk in the door she starts nagging, its like shes helpless something could have spilled on the floor right in front of her and she need my bf to come get it, also you can never count on her for anything if there is a certain time that you need her to be somewhere expect her about an hour later with 1000 lame excuses.but all that aside the things that REALLY REALLY irritate me is that she doesnt have money management AT ALL as soon as she gets her check in the mail she goes out and buys clothes, decorations, just pointless nothingness and THEN when rent is due...WE have to let her borrow money because oops she spent it all!! the problem is not really the money as much as it is that we will NOT get the money back!! if we let her borrow $300 we will be lucky to get back 100 by next week its just soooo frustrating i mean she is a sweet lady i just dont trust her and i dont want her to bring down my bf and I's relationship when we move out we will not be able to afford to give her money every month just because she NEEDED 3 scarecrows to the front of the house!! okay so off the money situation, my bf, her and i take the same medication for our back we only get 240 a month and for some reason my mother in law take about 35 pills a day and the bottle calls for us to take 8 a day i know its crazy so anyway obviously she runs out of pills before the end of the month and begs and nags us to give her some and shell give them back when she get her next prescription and we give them to her but im getting soo sick of it!! i need them too! i dont get them for her i get them for me and its not my fault that she is addicted to them so heres another reason why i dont trust her if i give her 50 pills ill get probably 30 back and promising shell give me the rest later well it never happens so i run out and im stuck with none and as soon i need some from her its " oh no sorry i dont have enough" BULLS**T!!! She is not willing or cant cut back on them for some reason she just grabs a handful about four times a day and tkaes them all its like she doesnt care shes putting us out bc she is so selfish she NEEDS to take her 35 pills a day i cant stand it any longer my bf tells me he has been going through this his whole life with her shes stubborn selfish and untrustworhty but i dont want all these negative thoguhts about her my bf has somehow learned to not be so negative out loud but inside he feels the same as me im just having a LOT of trouble dealing with it i dont even want to talk to her thats where i need advice. this probably sounds like a bunch of mumbling so im sorry im just getting all my anger out. so basically i HATE going home bc i dont want to hear her nagging and bitching all the time i get enough at work i dont need more when i get home and im sick of her lack of common sense with money. i love the lady to death other than all those things i can talk to her about anything and we have a lot of girly fun togheter but right now i dont even want to SEE her or talk to her because of all this....what should i do?? how do i look past all this? should i confront her? im so lost!! : (
Edited 11/9/2006 6:12 pm ET by loverbee21
Edited 11/9/2006 6:12 pm ET by loverbee21

My Monster-in-law was a gem before we got married. I was told she was independant and she lived in another country. She came for our wedding and stayed here for over a year! She moved in with us only 8 months after being married and we just got the house completely redone! Destroying our home, taking our money, wanting things and demanding things from her son, inviting people to our home and not lifting a finger to help! being rude and inconsiderate of me and our home and our marriage! oh my god I could go on and on ...I finally had enough and told her to get out basically because she has zero respect for me as his wife and zero respect for marriage! She left last August and we have not spoken since, which is fine with me and I KNOW she is talking behind my back with her daughter and god knows who else, telling them I am a "bad person, not good enough for her son", I can't stand her. Only married for one year and her coming and moving in and making our life hell and my hubby not able to say anything to her because it is his 'mom'. She knew what she was doing, she KNEW and KNOWS that she is making my life hell and she loves it! Because She cannot stand to see that her son has a woman in his life that comes before HER. I am telling you because I do not want ANYONE to go through what I have been going through with my selfish, spoiled MIL, it's hell and I really cannot stand to even hear anyone even mention her name now, and I've been just sick to know that she is coming back in December :( But she will not be in my house this time for sure. You have to talk to your bf, tell him that you like his mom, but these are the things that concern me.... tell him that you two cannot continue to give her money (because she will expect you to continue to do so after marriage, BELIEVE ME, she WILL!) tell him you two need to save for your future TOGETHER and if he is planning on supporting his mom he had better tell you the truth now because that is not the life you see for you two. Tell him that it hurts your heart when he gives your meds to her, it only shows that maybe he cares more for mommy then you. If she is taking too much medication, more than what the doc prescribed, you need to call her doctor and let him know. Maybe she does need more and he can just write her a prescrip for more. You have to have open communication and talk about EVERYTHING with your bf/hubby or it will not work out. I've talked so much with my husband regarding his mother and my concerns and it's hard, yes, because that is their mom, but they need to know and hear what your feelings are and why. He realizes now, somewhat anyway, why I feel the way I do and he has not and will not be giving her anything without talking to me first from now on. So far, so good ;) Good luck and really, communicate, communicate, communicate, it's the only way to fix things.
Hi
I know what you mean... We currently have my partners mother living with us in OUR place and she is the most inconsiderate person i have ever met. It was supposed to only be for a very short time like a couple of months or so, but now it has been like four months already and she has mentioned she is not moving before xmas. She has moved nearly everything in my home including re-arranging my pantry to accommodate flours and crap she didnt use in her own place, my house has her stuff all through it even though she has a storage shed with her furniture in it. We have futon frames standing on their sides because we have no room to put it anywhere because we are not allowed to put anything in her storage shed yet she has taken an entire room at our place.
Last night we were going to cook dinner and there was not enough meat (she doesnt contribute) we went out to go get more meat and when we got back she had taken chops out of the freezer and cooked them in my wok which i was going to use to cook the dinner. No she didnt wash up the wok so we could cook dinner, the wok was also too hot to touch because she didnt know how to use it, and she couldnt use the grill which sits next to the wok because shes a lazy bitch. We ended up having crackers for dinner and I cried to my partner because i have wanted her out for ages and have previously mentioned the fact.
When she moved in temporarily she was only supposed to bring her basic needed things, instead she has tried to move as much of her house in here as possible and move our stuff to accommodate it which I am very angry about. NO PARENT SHOULD EVER EVER ASK TO LIVE WITH THEIR CHILDREN it is bad for relationships. We have no time alone even though she said she would be out all the time and we would hardly see her no not the case.
We went to go buy a house and she automatically thought she would be moving with us, so we didnt buy the house. I'll let you know as well were we are now is just a small 2 bedroom unit. I'm not even going to be able to put up my xmas tree or invite people over because of her now, my own dad will not visit and its uncomfy in my own home when my brother comes over for a chat.
When we went to go buy the house she had the option of taking over the lease at our unit or going and getting her own place but she refused both options because she doesnt want to be tied down. Whatever you do never ever let them stay for even a week because they will never leave.
Well i hope you find a solution to your mother-in-law issue because mine is too bitchy to even give us an hour alone, she goes shopping (not groceries that means contributing), test driving cars and even out to dinner with us (yes thats right we arent allowed to have time alone at all).
I have thought about leaving my partner until she is gone but i have no where to go to, my dad just sold our family home and is going to buy a small unit and i dont want to restrict him in continuing his life. Oh and yes I talk to my partner all the time about how i feel but he is bias because its his mum, i get the if it was your dad you would help him out. The answer to that is my dad is disgusted about what she is doing and would never ask me to stay.
Lucy