my boyfriends mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
my boyfriends mother
8
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 6:09am

I got on fine with my boyfriends mother until we moved in together. She even lent us money to pay our deposit so that we didnt need to wait until we had saved up, but it seems as if as soon as the lease was signed I turned into the wicked witch of the west.

She accused my best friend of being fat and lazy (even though she is at college full time and is a single mother to a brilliant two year old) she told me to my face that I better not get pregnant (despite me have two years of college to go and i want to have a proper career first) because her son didnt want any bastard children (in her eyes her son isnt going to marry me), called my mum who she doesnt know names. She also brought up the fact that she lent us money for the deposit in front of a lot of people. Im being made to feel uncomfortable in social situations such as on saturday night me and my boyfriend were at his cousins birthday party and she told people that I was pregnant.

I dont know what to do because I can hardly lose my temper with her because she's my boyfriends mother.

HELP!!!!

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 7:22am
What does your BF say about this? Does he tell her, as he should, to grow up and shut up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 7:27am
He has said to me that he has noticed what has been going on but never said anything to her until what she said on friday and then she passed it off as a joke.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 7:50am
I would talk to your boyfriend about the situation. He needs to understand that she is directly disrespecting you, and that it is inappropriate. Suggest that he talk with her one on one about the situation. If he cares about you the way that I'm sure he says that he does, this should be a priority, as it can be damaging to your relationship long term.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 2:43pm

I am very, very sorry, CD. I just can't really see that your boyfriend cares for you the way that maybe he should. He has aloowed you to put yourself into a stressful dependent relationship, and given you no status, no standing, none of the respect of really making you FAMILY. You are stuck being his mother's doormat- because you are not a financially independent adult, and you are not a wife.

This is a rough spot that you have placed yourself into. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 4:51pm
I am actually financially independent as I work in an ok paid job and I go to college as well. I moved in with my boyfriend from my own flat as so as we could have a fresh start with something that wasnt just one persons territory
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 7:22pm

If you don't get partner to stand up for you to boyfriends mother she will continue. Or stand up to her yourself, but with boyfriend there backing you up.

Otherwise how long could you put up with this for???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 8:36pm

Hi cd1981, welcome to the board!

I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know that you need him to defend you when his mother starts disrespecting you. There is no excuse for her behavior. I'm sure she laughed the pregnancy thing off as a joke because she didn't want to hear it from your bf. There is no reason for her to stay false things about you. The fact that she lent you and your bf $$ for the deposit is really no one's business. Obviously, she thinks it is. So, from now on, when she wants to do you a "favor," I would recommend politely rejecting it, because otherwise, the fact that she did something for you will be all over town.

I hope he steps up to the plate and defends you to his mother. If he doesn't, then I would suggest you look for a bf who WILL defend you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 2:36am

Thank you all for your great advice!! I left a note for my bf before I went to work last night basically telling him that unless he stood up for me or allowed me to say something then I was leaving as there was no way I could ever have a proper relationship with him.

He says that he is going to have a chat with her, so fingers crossed!