Do MILS want to ruin marriages?!?
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| Mon, 11-13-2006 - 6:44pm |
Hello Everyone,
I have posted a few times on some of the different message boards here on I Village. My marriage has had some rocky points for me, and one of those rocky points is with my MIL right now. It's hard to describe her but I think stubborn, conniving, and conspiring might do the trick. This woman does so much to get her two sons' attention that it is beyond believable. She is so controlling, and I have told my husband more than once that I would prefer a lot of alternatives rather than have to live with her and take care of her. She has diabetes and takes very poor care of her health. But I swear, she does it on purpose and for attention. Just today she was out gardening in her yard (by the way, let me mention one thing that is eating away at me, if I can. My husband bought his mom a house so that she could live close to him and his brother. We currently live in a cramped apartment and barely make it to the end of the month because of the house bills that he has to pay for his mom's home. His mom doesn't seem to notice this and just yesterday mentioned she was needing new furniture for her home. Aghhh!) Anyway, just today she was working out in her yard and "forgot to eat" to she passed out and bumped her head. She then waited a few hours to let anyone know and when she finally did, her eye was swollen and she was feeling dizzy. Anyway, she checked out ok at the hospital but this isn't the first time she's pulled this kind of stunt. Just the thought of me moving in with her causes me nauseau. To be frank, if my husband wants to move in with her, he can, but I'm going to live on my own. Sometimes I wonder if it's better to go our seperate ways before then because I can see that there's no way things will work out if we have to live with his mom.

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Hi Eurowife35, welcome!
Were you married when your DH bought this house for your MIL?
Why does she have a nice house and you and DH are barely making ends meet? It should be the other way around! Why isn't your DH putting you first?
I am not normally one to suggest counseling, because I don't think it is warranted for every situation. However, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that your husband thinks it is okay for his wife to live in a cramped apt, while Mommy lives on HIS dime, in a nice house, even though she has a home of her own. Why doesn't she live in her own house?
Lay it on the line. Tell DH this is NOT normal. That she has a house of her own and he should not have to foot all of her bills. If he cannot see it and counseling doesn't help, you have a decision to make.
The only real advice I can give is please don't have children with this "boy".
I hope you don't mind, I would like to second everything that mom2danjam said. It is time to put your foot down and demand that he see a counselor with you. You can tell him in all sincerity that you are giving serious consideration to divorce, and that you two will need good, professional advice if you are going to save the relationship. I think it is also important that you two see a financial advisor of some kind. Ask friends, co-workers or even your bank - your husband is making a dozen SERIOUS financial errors in the way this is being handled.
If your MIL will not sell her other home and put the money towards the condo, then she should move back to her home so you and your husaband can take over the condo and continue the mortgage payments.
And no worries, there's no children in sight because if we can barely afford to buy groceries for ourselves, there's no way I'd think about having a baby. It's awful to say this, but I don't plan on having children until she passes away. I know there has to be other solutions but I know my husband and he won't consider having mommy make any changes.
If her house is vacant, why aren't you living in it? That only seems fair to me.
She sounds alot like my mom. My mom even faked a heart attack once because we went to a Christmas party.
Terri
Does your DH understand how much this is affecting you? Does he acknowledge his mother's role in her own ill health? IMO, Its time for you, DH and hopefully a trained 3rd party to get this all out in the open and figure out a strategy to get yourselves out of this situation. Only you can answer whether or not the marriage is worth saving.
I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide
Hi Terri,
Although it's too bad that your mom also goes to such extremes to get attention, I'm glad that I'm not alone out there. My MIL stops at nothing to get attention from her sons. She skips meals and she's diabetic so obviously it's really bad for her but she does these things on purpose! But my husband doesn't seem to see it. However, my stepdaughter and I can see right through her and we know what she's up to...
As far as living in her house, that wouldn't be a possibility because it's 2 hours away so we'd either have to quit our jobs here or have a huge commute...
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