SIL Driving Me Crazy
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SIL Driving Me Crazy
| Mon, 11-13-2006 - 10:05pm |
Ok heres the deal, my SIL is driving me out of my mind. Everything has to be about her. She had to get a second job because she said her and my BIL are not making it on the income they have coming in now. I know it happens, the problem is my DH and I are barely
making it through the Holidays as it is. She has 2 grown kids living at home and both are working, but are not helping by the groceries or pay bills. But they are eating all the food she is buying. So now she has decided that I can make the whole Thanksgiving Dinner by myself. She forgets I am working all week long.(I am a manager of a restaurant and work up to 16 hours a day and take care of two kids under the age of 6). When I made a comment to my DH he said I could do it and she probably will end up helping. I know she won't, I made the whole Thanksgiving Dinner Two years ago all by myself, 1 month after I had my daughter. She promised to help but then decided to show up late and complain that
I didn't have dinner made yet. The whole problem is I am supposed to try to stay off my feet as much as possible and really am not up to making the whole dinner. What should I do???????????????
making it through the Holidays as it is. She has 2 grown kids living at home and both are working, but are not helping by the groceries or pay bills. But they are eating all the food she is buying. So now she has decided that I can make the whole Thanksgiving Dinner by myself. She forgets I am working all week long.(I am a manager of a restaurant and work up to 16 hours a day and take care of two kids under the age of 6). When I made a comment to my DH he said I could do it and she probably will end up helping. I know she won't, I made the whole Thanksgiving Dinner Two years ago all by myself, 1 month after I had my daughter. She promised to help but then decided to show up late and complain that
I didn't have dinner made yet. The whole problem is I am supposed to try to stay off my feet as much as possible and really am not up to making the whole dinner. What should I do???????????????

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Where he can? Realistically, just where is that? Would it be more help than SIL would give? Would it be calling out suggestions from the tv room in between plays in the football game?
I suggest you get a ready-made meal (or as many side dishes as you can/want to reduce the load) or let him and SIL be in charge while you take the kids out of the house or take a nap with the door locked and ear plugs in.
That's my suggestion. Maybe next year you can go out of town for Thanksgiving. Maybe on a vacation trip so someone else does all the work. Start a new tradition!
lve2read
WHO is your husband to dictate and decide whether YOU will make Thanksgiving dinner?
Refuse to do it. Tell hubs that he can cook it or have it catered, or you will go out to a restaurant. But, YOU are not doing it. SIL don't like it? She and her lazy children can do it then.
Let SIL, BIL, and lazy adult children stay home.
Tell DH that Thanksgiving is a family holiday and as such FAMILY will participate. If SIL wants to eat, then she needs to participate in the preparation.
Not to mention that it sounds like she's willing to let you get stuck with paying for all of dinner, too.
Is SIL lazy, cheap, or just a jerk? Or all of the above.
You shouldn't be on the hook for doing it all.
What is your DH's definition of "help out where I can"? My DH actually makes the turkey, so that's pretty good in my book. I'm guessing, though, that your DH is a bit challenged in the kitchen? Seriously, does he sit and watch football all day while expecting you to run around and prepare a meal for everyone without help?
Thanksgiving shouldn't be one person serving everyone else. You deserve to be appreciated and helped, too.
If SIL won't help, then they don't come. It's that simple. For goodness sake, how hard would it be to show up with dinner rolls, mashed potatoes, and a cooked squash?
M2E
So you're going through this with your extended family and your husband's extended family is treating you this way? I think that's just wrong. I'm thinking that if you change your reaction to the situation a little bit, then it will change the dynamic with your husband and SIL. Here's my suggestion...
Maybe it's time for you and your kids to spend a holiday away from your husband. Write out a simple menu (nothing too complicated), a timeline for dinner prep, and a shopping list (maybe a couple of store-bought deserts). Hand it to your partner and tell him you love him, you *know* he can do the dinner (cuz he's just that kind of capable guy! :P ), and you look forward to the leftovers.
If he fusses about spending t-day apart, then tell him he's welcome to come to your family's celebration. If he fusses at making the dinner for his family, tell him again that you have every confidence in his ability to do it. Before you leave to see your family, give him a kiss and a wish that he enjoys his day.
(I guess I assumed that money is an issue and that getting pre-made dinners are out. If that's not an issue, suggest he order them now and leave the footwork up to him.)
Anyway, I hope you find a solution that you feel comfortable with. I'm sorry you're family is having such a hard time of it lately.
Cancel the dinner. You married DH for better or worse, sickness or health...not to provide a holiday dinner for his family. After reading the posts about the losses in your own family, I don't see how he or any of them could even expect you to entertain them all with no help at the holidays. Take care of you!
Kathy
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