stuck in middle
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| Tue, 11-14-2006 - 5:24pm |
There is a family feud going on in my family. It is basically between two sil's. But it is like a cyclone that pulls you in. I have tried to stay out of it, but made a mistake. I revelded information to one woman that the other had told me. I felt badly and went to her telling her what I had said and apologized. Well I am now on her sh** list. It is to the point that people will not come to family gatherings because the other one may be there. There has been an under current of backbitting and gossip in this family for years. It is only between the women as far as I can tell. The men just stay out of it. It is sad to me that my in-laws are being cheated out of full family gatherings because no one can seem to get along. I don't know what to do now. I admitted my wrong and tried to make it right but all it has done is escalate things. What should I do now?
suezq

Go back to your original plan of staying out of things. You made a mistake, you admitted it to the people it affected, and apologized. If they can't forgive you or use it as fuel to their little fire, that is their problem.
>>>It is sad to me that my in-laws are being cheated out of full family gatherings because no one can seem to get along. I don't know what to do now.<<<
Do not fall into the trap of trying to fix things for them. If the family really felt that they were being cheated by the situation they would have fixed things themselves. Or even better they wouldn't have allowed things to get to this state.
I had this big ol' post ready, then remembered what you said about the men. Sometimes men refuse to step up to the plate and stand beside their wives, allowing family-of-origin members to pick at her without comment, then whine about how women can't get along.
Assuming the men you are talking about are better than that, I think you should hold your head high, keep your words kind and enjoy the company of the family members who are not feuding.
I also think you might let each of the feuders know that you will not be a party to their feud, so they should consider anything said to you to be common knowledge. That way the onus is on them and you cannot be blamed for "contributing" to their little game.
If you are hosting an event, invite them all and refuse to share the guest list. If someone is petty enough to boycott an event, let it be on their head - not your problem.
There's my opinion, hope it's helpful.
lve2read