In need of Desperate Advice on MIL
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In need of Desperate Advice on MIL
| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 4:18pm |
I NEED DESPERATE HELP!!! My future mother-in-law is a manipulative bipolar alcoholic that my fiance worships. She has been engaged herself for twelve years but will not marry him and blames it on him even though he continually asks. She will not pump her own gas, go to the grociery store or even play her own lottery tickets. My fiance does everything for her including giving her 25% of his pay check which we can't really afford because she chooses to live off of unemployment and every one else around her. She sits on the couch drinking beer all day long and complaining that no one does enough for her. Sometimes she locks herself in and won't answer the phone so that my fiance calls her every five minutes instead of every hour as usual. Then she tells him its because of her fiance, she tells his brother it was because of my fiance etc. My fiance is scared to death to even mention his father in front of her unless he is putting him down even though they have great relationship. My wedding has already been cancelled once because he was afraid to have his mother and father in the same room. And now that we're engaged again, at first we decided to run off and invite my parents and his mother so that his dad wouldn't be hurt that he wasn't invited (he would never have to know the mother was there) but his mother refuses to leave the house so he no longer wants to talk about wedding plans AGAIN!!! I have no doubt that he loves me and he has taken my daughter in as his own. When we first met, his gram was alive and she was the one who kept sanity in the household when his mother would overreact but now she is gone. Although his mother says she talks through her all of the time. You may think I am exagerating but I have barely scratched the surface and I don't know what to do. My daughter has loved and looked up to him almost all of her life, and I do love him just as much but his mother is tearing us apart and he feels that since she took care of him as a child that she is now his responsibilty...SHE IS NOT EVEN 50 years old..she is capable of taking care of herself. Please help!!!!!!!!

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I'm going to give you the best advice for help. DO NOT MARRY HIM.
If you marry him know that you are volunteering to live this way FOREVER, and you give up all rights to ever again complain about her or nag him. You can not want a man, marry a mommys boy, and then nag and whine and complain for the rest of your life that your mommys boy isn't being your man. KWIM? You love him sure, but love is not enough. You will make yourself crazy if you stay and marry him. He won't change. She won't change. Save yourself years of frustration and bitterness and don't do this to yourself. It's your choice, but if you choose to marry him you choose to accept this AS IS.
Your daughter will get over this much faster the sooner you send this guy packing. NO ONE needs to get into this mess through marriage and it would be cruel to force this and the problems that are sure to grow bigger on your child. Save yourself and your child. Run fast and far from these people!!!!
For the life of me, I cannot understand why mothers disable their sons so much. I cannot understand why they don't prepare them to have a happy, independent life instead of creating them to be like puppy dogs when they're 30 year old men. It drives me insane!
Run. Like a citizen of Tokyo fleeing Godzilla.
I am serious. Your DF is too involved with Mommy. I think he needs to go back to her and be her lap dog, since that is what he wants to do anyway.
It IS that simple. You cannot keep waiting on this poor excuse for a man, because your child is attached to him. That might sound mean, but in the long run, it is best for you and your daughter if you decide right now if you want to live like this forever.
You will never be first with him. Your daughter will never be first with him. Any children you might have with him will never ever be first with him. His life is Mommy. Sad, isn't it? I mean, you don't even know if you WILL be marrying this guy. After all, MOMMY has put a stop to it already. He is not going against Mommy.
This is so obvious, it is not even funny.
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