too stressed, can't sleep

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
too stressed, can't sleep
7
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 8:18am

Please someone hear me out.
I've moved to this small town since I gave birth to my first child on March 2006.
and since then my life has gotten----well, really unhappy.
Since I am new to this town I have no friends,
and my parentes are in a different country so I am pretty much alone
here with my 8 month old son, battling everyday with my in-laws.

Me and monster in-law have started to have disagreement a little before I gave birth
and it got worse after I gave birth.

To make the long story short, she always wants everything her way.
If I disagree even a little or voice my opinions, or if I were to say
"I do/don't want my son to do -----" that contradicts with her beliefs,
she will scream and yell even in front of other in-laws, my husband, and my son.

Two days before Thanksgiving day I had enough of her crap and couldn't take it anymore.
So I called her up and said "I want you to respect me as a parent and follow my instructions when my son goes over your house"
She relied "I'd rather not see him than listen to you"

I was suprized, so I said to her "don't say it unless you mean it.
He is my son and I am going to raise him the way I want to,
and you can't do whatever you like with him"
Then she screamed to my ears saying "If I can't be who I am with him,
then hell no I'd rather not see him"

When I told this to my husband he was surprized, and went to his mother to talk.
But now she denies saying what she said and told my husband that
I was the one who said she can't see her grandson!!

My husband says she don't mean what she said, and thinks that we should
let her see my son still but I say otherwise.
This woman has already shown to me that she is not the best person for my son to be around.

In about a month I will start to work full time,
and my husband thinks I should let her watch my baby, I say otherwise.
I'd rather pay for expensive Daycare than her taking over the parent role
(seems like this is what she is doing)
Oh and because of this feaud between my mother in-law and me,
and what my mother in-law has been feeding to others about me,
rest of my in-laws hates me.

I just want you guys to know that I am not asking her alot.
My son has a condition called Atopic Dematitus
and he cannot use anything with fragrance in it on his body or his clothes
.....which my mother in-law calls just "dry skin" and even after I took to dermatologist
she still won't believe me and keep putting fregranced lotion on my son!
And before I gave birth I saw her putting a soda inside 1 year old baby's sippy cup
so I told her "I do not want my son drinking suger water"
And "no yelling/screaming around my son"---She screams/yells all the time when something is not in her control or when she's in bad mood.
These are all I was asking for her.

THINGS THAT HAS HAPPEND TO ME (I want to share few with you here)

1. Day after I gave birth a nurse and mother in-law came to my hospitol bed and took my son from my breast saying "he needs to get used to the bottle too" ---later I found out the nurse was her friend. My mother-in-law wanted to be able to feed the baby so that's why she wanted the baby to get used to the bottle at early age. ---I wanted to breast feed but she did not respect my wish.

2.Couple weeks after my son's birth she called me up on one Thursday and said she wants to have her son at her house---I said okay but as she left my house she said "I'll return him on Saturday"

3.One time she called my husband "BRING THE BABY" and he did (yea i know, stupid.) and as soon as he walked in to the door she took the baby and said "Okay, leave"

4.She called me on Friday and said "Baby has a picture appointment tomorrow, okay?"

5.I packed my son a baby food lunch but instead she went to the store, bought baby food in a jar, and fed it to my son---When I went to pick him up she returned the lunch I packed for my son.

...ETC(I'm stressed I can't write anymore)

Edited 11/27/2006 8:22 am ET by mylovelyyayokichi

Edited 11/27/2006 8:54 am ET by mylovelyyayokichi




Edited 11/27/2006 9:43 am ET by mylovelyyayokichi
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 11:06am

The simplest answer here is to NOT allow her to be alone with your son. She is doing things that are not just stupid, but unhealthy, especially with the lotions, etc.

You need to talk to your husband and explain to him if this is a deal-breaker for you. He needs to assist you in limiting his mother's ability to interfere in your (yours and his) parenting. You may need to talk and decide what you agree on, like whether your son should eat homemade lunches by you, the unscented lotions, etc. Then, you and your DH will be on the same page.

Call daycares and find a place for him for when you start back to work. Around here there are waiting lists. Make sure when you talk to the daycare that you have to tell them who is allowed to pick up your son and that you do not put her on the list.

As for the nurse thing, you should have complained in writing to the hospital. She could have and should have been disciplined/reprimanded for removing your son like that. It's not her prerogative whether the baby needs to learn a bottle. It's yours.

Good luck,
M2E

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 2:07pm
Wow. First of all welcome to the board. I completely agree with M2E. You need to never allow your son to stay the night at her home ever again. Also do not leave him there unless you are there. Personally since she cares so little for his health and what is best for him, I wouldn't allow her to ever see him again. You are the Mother, not her. Too bad if she doesn't like it. Tell you H that it is not in your son's be interest to be around his mother because of the above things, and the fact that she yells and screams around him. He doesn't not need someone like that in his life, even family. I hope that you cut her off. She is a danger to your son. He is much better off in daycare. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Baby Slings at Nurtured Family

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 7:49pm

Hi Mylovelyyayokichi, welcome!

Your MIL sounds very toxic. I think the best thing to do is to keep her away from your son. Also, I think it would be best to limit contact with her. Let your DH deal with her. Also, if she really wants to see your son, she can home to YOUR house when YOU are home. I don't think that her babysitting your son when you go back to work is a good idea at all.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 8:10pm

Thank you so much cl-stretch123.

Yes, I cannot agree with you more.
If my in laws wants to see their grandson, they should come to my house.
(They have never came to our house to visit)
They've always asked my husband to bring over the baby,
but now I know what goes on when I am not around.

Thank you so much for your advise XOXO

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 9:59pm

Honey, not to be mean, but you have allowed her to run roughshod over you. You did not have to let her have the baby at the hospital. You didn't HAVE to let her leave with your child and keep him for days. You didn't have to keep the picture appt. You also do not have to let her babysit your child. What she is doing with the lotion with fragrance is akin to child abuse. You should never allow the witch alone with your child, ever again.

You have got to get tough and protect that child.

Tell your husband to go soak his head if he doesn't like it. That you have had enough and you will no longer allow MIL to dictate what you will and won't do. You will no longer listen to her mentally abusive screaming and acting out. Tell him his dear Mommy needs psychological help. I wouldn't ever speak to her again. And would tell the entire family to blank off and die right, to be honest. But, if you are going to talk to her, get a tape recorder or some other device to record the conversation, since your husband thinks you are a liar too.

So sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 10:08pm

yes, i completely agree.

you have said everything my own mother had told me.
i need to be tough, because i am the mother of this child,
and no one needs to dictate me like my MIL do/did to me.
and, about the tape recorder, my own mother suggested the same thing.
i will do so from now on.

my husband still argues over day care, saying it will save us money
if we let MIL watch my son but i told him tonight,
id rather be in debt paying over child care than have him at my MIL's house.

thank you so much mom2danjam for such a honest opinion.
i will be strong because of advises from woman like you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 11:17am

Hi, I'm new here and just felt compelled to reply. I agree with the previous posters but want to add my own 2 cents.

Your MIL sounds like she has very very deep psychological and emotional issues. She has put your sons physical health in danger with the scented lotions in the past - God knows what she could or would do in the future in an attempt to assert authority she does not possess.

Is it AT ALL possible to postpone going back to work full time? My gut tells me that if she has a friend at the hospital, it isn't unlikely for her to have one or set out to make a friend at the daycare center that would allow her to come in and see your son.

With that psycho around - the safest place for your boy to be is with his mother.