I wish that my MIL would stay away

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
I wish that my MIL would stay away
6
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 4:28pm
Today is my sons Birthday, and I had planned to go to his school and deliver cupcakes to his whole class. I made my DH promise that he would not tell his mother about the party, for I knew that she would show up and make me look bad in front of his teacher, but I swear that woman has some kind of sixth sense, because she has a nack for telling if something has been kept from her. She soon started to pester my DH about our sons party. Eventually he couldnt resist her kryptonite and caved in. So now she is planning on showing up at the school. I have to leave in a few minutes and my stomache is turning. All I can think of is what kind of stunt she is going to pull.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 5:38pm

I hope it went okay. What an obnoxious twit! Did your son have fun?

Would it help to give your husband some specific techniques for dealing with his mother? Offer to role-play them with him? So he can practice being firm with her.

Such as responding to her *first* dig with something like, "Mom, if there was something to tell you, I would tell you." Then the second one with, "If you are going to nag/harass/pester/dig at me, I'll hang up. " And if she continues, "I see you are choosing to end the call. I love you Mom, goodbye. " then let the machine take all of her calls for the next hour or two or three.

If she is more interested in relationship than in control, she'll "learn the lesson". If she is more interested in control than relationship, well, now he has tools to shut her down and show her that *he* is in control of him, not her!

You could always tell him that if he continues to leak information, you will be forced - by him - to "plug the leak" by not keeping *him* informed of events. Does he want to be shut out because he will (not cannot, WILL not) not stop *allowing* his mother to get info out of him? That's a bit harsh, so you may want to keep that one rhetorical.

Good luck!

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 7:44pm
Did anything happen at the school?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 1:17pm
Thank you for your responses, the support is much apperciated. My son had a blast and he is still talking about it, he is already planning next years cupcakes! My MIL was civil for the most part, except when I was having a discussion with his teacher about upcoming PTA events/meetings, she jumped up and proceeded to say that she has lots of time to dedicate to her grandsons education and would be glad help out. I know that I shouldnt be selfish, but I always thought that PTA was the MOMS RIGHT! I feel like that is my turf, and she should at least ask me before she walks all over it. What are your ladies opinions about this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 3:14pm
I agree with you, but the school is probably going to embrace all the volunteers they can get. Maybe you could seek out and befriend the volunteer coordinator, suggesting that she find your MIL duties in a variety of classrooms outside of your son's. ;o)
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 7:38pm
If you really wanted, you could tell the school to not allow anyone access to your son or his class without your permission. Then Mil wouldn't be allowed to just show up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 6:56pm
Sounds like your MIL is competitive like mine. Mine would probably pull something like that. She has to be the "hero" or number one with my daughter. I can't even tell my daughter what I have planned for her bday b/c she will go mention it to(which is what 9 yr olds do) MIL-and MIL will try and outdo me- so if you have to not tell your husband until the last minute than that's what you will have to do!