In-laws coming for extended visit..blech
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| Tue, 11-28-2006 - 4:00pm |
I don't even know how to begin without my head popping off. My dh's parents (who live overseas) are coming for a visit---a few months(probably 6-they are retired) and he of course thinks this is fine and dandy, as do they. I must be the crazy one, right? I don't hate his parents, they are nice people(extremely traditional). The thing I hate is how much of his time they have monopolized in the past and now this visit. His dad has a stroke and he is doing much better but sometimes he has episodes of "off" behaviour. Sometimes he acts like a child and won't listen to anyone, especially mil. He listens to my dh but not always.
They won't only be visiting us while they are here. They have other kids that live in the area but if I know the family, they will want us all to be together all the time, no matter whose house they are at. I am afraid of mil manipulating dh because fil is sick, " Oh, woe is us son, fil is sick, we could drop dead any minute, who knows how much time we have left together?(vomit)I don't buy that crap cause gmil had a stroke and lived another 20 years( she was gonna die everyday too)All I know is, I will not buy into the dying any minute bulls%&t that could last 20 years but my dh is. He saw how bad fil was after the stroke and he is genuinly afraid they will die soon. Not like any day but in a few years and is afraid, I think, that he will miss out on time with them and then regret it if they do die.
My sil's father just died so that just helps to reinforce that idea. I am struggling with this because I am not an ogre and I am not a saint either. I want to be a gracious host, which they are when we visit but I don't feel like handing my life over for the next 6 months. How do I express this to dh without my head popping off my neck or having a stroke myself?
Edited 11/28/2006 4:08 pm ET by februaryangel04

You sit with your husband and inform him that you'd love for his parents to come and visit, you're looking forward to him having this time with his dad considering his failing health, but that six months is not a visit, it is moving in, and that just is not acceptable. Tell him he needs to call his siblings and arrange the hosting responsibilities so that they all get the oppertunity to open their homes to their parents, spliting their extended stay equally between all who are there to stay with.
Notice my wording, it is not by accident or coincidence that I chose the words I did. Approach him with this well thought out plan of action and do so in a way that lets him know that that is how it will be and it is not open for discussion.
You have to be kind and understanding, but you also have to be firm.