SIL and MIL from Haties!
Find a Conversation
SIL and MIL from Haties!
| Wed, 11-29-2006 - 12:00am |
OK- I need help- I have been married for 3 years and together with my husband for 11 years. We have a 4 month old and things are getting worse with my husbands family. My in-laws have never really liked me, I guess, but they can't really give a reason why. Anyway- Thanksgiving was the first holiday for our son with all of my family and my husbands family together at one time. It went OK, but it was busy. But I have learned one thing in my short time of being a mom. My young son really needs his naps, so on Thanksgiving when my son was tired, I went back and put him in his crib to nap- and he did. Normal right? Well today my husband got an email from my SIL saying that she was very disappointed that she only got to see my son for an hour (total exxag) because he was napping all day (total lie). Then she goes on to say you have to live with your wife, but I can not stand her and she is a *****.
My husband emailed her back and didn't really think it through and just did alot of name calling- which is not fixing the situation. The problem I have is that my SIL lives with my in-laws and they all feed off each other. I am pretty sure that I was discussed in a not pleasant tone on their two hour trip home. We are supposed to go there for some of Chrsitmas and how do I walk into a room where I know I am dispised? How should I act? Also I am scared to let my child be alone with them without me in fear of what they might tell him (future) or do to go against my wishes as I am solely breastfeeding etc.(now).
Help- My husband is open to fixing this, but I do not know how to.
My husband emailed her back and didn't really think it through and just did alot of name calling- which is not fixing the situation. The problem I have is that my SIL lives with my in-laws and they all feed off each other. I am pretty sure that I was discussed in a not pleasant tone on their two hour trip home. We are supposed to go there for some of Chrsitmas and how do I walk into a room where I know I am dispised? How should I act? Also I am scared to let my child be alone with them without me in fear of what they might tell him (future) or do to go against my wishes as I am solely breastfeeding etc.(now).
Help- My husband is open to fixing this, but I do not know how to.

You and your husband cannot "fix" this.
They don't have to like you. However, in my opinion, they have to respect you as DH's wife and DS's mom. Calling you filthy names is not the way to show that respect. Personally, I would NOT darken their doorstep for Christmas. They don't deserve it. If you go, they will know it is okay to treat you badly and still have access to the baby. Don't let your child be alone with them. There is no law saying you have to allow these turds free reign to YOUR child. I don't give a crap if he is DH's too. His family has treated you badly and make it obvious that they don't like you. That is unacceptable.
So, in other words, suck it up and take it and smile? I disagree. You cannot let people walk on you like that.
I am not saying she should be nasty and scream at them. Nor should the DH. But, they acted like spoiled children and should be treated as such, IMO.
What else do people think 4 month old babies do??? Good grief! I can't understand why grandparents think that we give birth to children for their entertainment.
You did exactly what you needed to do as a mother -- protect your child's routine as much as possible during a holiday and meet his needs. If MIL and Auntie can't understand that then I wouldn't worry about what they have to say. They are obviously very selfish people.
I would not leave my son alone with them if you are uncomfortable with them. My son is in college now, but we had to stop leaving him alone with my MIL because of her disrespect for me. We thought she had changed and foolishly let her keep our daughter occasionally when she came along 12 years later, but our son overheard her trashing me to my daughter and he told us about it. You and your husband must be in agreement, but I would not deny contact with them, just make sure you are there to supervise and parent your own child.
Personally if my IL's made those kind of statesments about me, I nor the baby would be going to christmas and nor would we be excepting gifts from them. Now either your dh calls them on their behavoire or none of the 3 of you would show up.
Sam
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
Hi Cmgmom2006, welcome to the board!
Your son needs his naps and if everyone didn't get to see your son as much as they wanted on Thanksgiving, they could always call and say that they want to come and visit your house at another time instead of making a stink about it.
As for seeing them Christmas, I'm not sure I would want to be around people who act like that and talk about me behind my back like that. If it comes to be that you do go and see them at Christmas, I would suggest that you be polite to them and only talk to them if they talk to you.