Obnoxious and Rude F-BIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Obnoxious and Rude F-BIL
2
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:28pm

I need some opinions on this. My fiance has an 18-year-old brother in college - let's call him Mike. A few weeks ago, Mike came over to our apartment to visit with us. While I was sitting on the couch next to him, he let out this HUGE, disgusting fart and then burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing ever.

Ew! Needless to say, I was appalled and completely disgusted. I was raised such that blatantly farting or burping in front of others is rude and disrespectful. Anyway, I was so disgusted that I just got up and left the room. Mike left about 20 minutes later.

When my fiance realized how offended I was by Mike's actions, he sent him an email saying something to the effect of:

"Look, you really offended santa_baby24 tonight. Just because you burp and fart in front of Mom and Dad doesn't mean you can do it in front of her. I think you owe her an apology."

Well, Mike never apologized. A week or two when my fiance was on the phone with Mike, he said "santa_baby24 is here - why don't you apologize?"

Mike abruptly hung up the phone.

Over Thanksgiving, my fiance told me that Mike was going off about how "stupid it was that I was offended" and that he refuses to apologize.

At this point, it's not the fart that offends me so much as his obnoxious behavior afterwards. I realize that 18-year-old college kids aren't the most mature beings, but he could at least show some sort of etiquette or common courtesy! My fiance has already asked Mike to be his best man at the wedding, but I am uncomfortable with this situation. Also, I don't want to start off on the wrong foot with my in-laws.

One of my fiance's cousins is already getting snippy with me over the matter. She thinks that I need to learn to "compromise" and stop "forcing" Mike to apologize.

I would like you to know that I've already had to make a few compromises with my fiance's family. They're not my favorite people in the world, but I have learned to deal with them. And nobody is "forcing" Mike to apologize - an apology now would be completely empty and meaningless.

Should I just forget this ever happened? Any thoughts on how to handle this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 4:48pm
Yes I think you should forget this happened. What Mike did was crass and disgusting and you left the room. The matter should end there. If you recognize that he's 18 and immature then you should also realize that he probably wont stay like this forever.
Besides he doesnt live with you.. what would you gain by an apology? I don't really see what the big deal is and why you were THIS offended that you had to ask your fiancee to relay your feelings to the entire family on this. Why exactly is this SUCH a big insult to you?
If I were you I would have softly spoken to Mike about it like an elder sister would.. saying something like "you'll be off to college soon and you should know that that's not the way to act around adults." it's all about the tone in cases like this.
If you throw a fit about everything very soon your in-laws and your fiancee will stop taking you seriously.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 5:44pm

I wouldn't "gain anything from an apology." The point is that he acted very rude and obnoxious afterwards. I am more offended about that than the actual fart.

He is 18, not 5. He should know better than this. He has been in college for the past semester.

My fiance didn't "relay my feelings" to the entire family. A few family members just happened to listen in on their conversation. A big production wasn't made, and I didn't rant and rave to the family. My only rant has been on this website.