Family Drama
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| Wed, 12-06-2006 - 7:57pm |
Not only am I a first-time mom-to-be but I was also married ten months ago and became and instant mom to an eight-year-old and a DIL to a domineering, MIL and a somewhat less demanding FIL. My husband is the golden favorite of the family and regardless of the fact that his daughter was born out of wedlock (which means not only do I have to deal with demanding in-laws, I also have to deal with my husband's one-night-stand-gone-wrong), he is still in the clutches of his mother. To make matters worse, my MIL/FIL raised my stepdaughter for the past four years of her life (my husband is a pilot and cannot be home regularly).
So! My MIL especially believes she and my FIL have exclusive rights to our daughter's time and affections and if I don't answer the phone when they call or don't call back immediately, they phone my husband at work or even call MY MOTHER and make a big scene about me not allowing Sara to call them. It's infuriating.
They treat me as if I'm not good enough (granted, they are multimillionaires and I come from a staunchly middleclass family) for their son and like I'm not a good mom for Sara.
I've been advised to just smile and nod but I am an intelligent, strong-willed, independent person and my spirit rebels. Agh! Any helpful suggestions for dealing with this situation?

As for the issue you described: When she calls your mother or husband they should tell your MIL that it's none of their business and she shouldnt call again about this. I am a non-confrontational person by nature, so if this happened to me I would probably let Sarah answer every time she calls. That way I wouldnt have an obligation to answer and she wont be able to complain.
Now another scenario I can take from your info would be far less pretty. If you and your new step-daughter do not like each other and you do not answer the phone when the in-laws call her to be spiteful, that would be wrong. Please do not take offense to that but I just have to play devils advocate. Anyway, I trust that you are intelligent and mature enough to not play the evil step-mom role.
More info would be better but that is my take on it.
Hi Professormomtobe, welcome to the board!
What do they do/say that makes you feel that they think you aren't good enough for them?
Without more information, it is hard to give any sound advice.
Now here is the most important part: it is NOT your job to smooth the relationship with the inlaws...it is your dh's job. He needs to tell them to back off and needs to make it clear to them that you and the kids are his priority now and that he still loves them, but they need to back off and let you bond. After being with my hubby over 16 years...my mil actually called a couple months ago and congradulated me on finally succeeding on stealing their son! We just had to laugh... I hope all goes well. We let my inlaws know we love them, but we no longer feel guilty about whether or not we fulfill their expectations. I never talk bad about the inlaws in front of the kids either....I wish you the best. i hope if you set the bondaries now you will not have to worry about it as many years I did.
Melissa