Advice needed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Advice needed...
8
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 4:28pm

Okay I'm back ... if you don't know my story let me give you a short version.

I got married 3 months ago and my in-laws have made it a living hell. They ruined my wedding by yelling at me and mom, pushing my brother and making my guest get off the table they were eating at, so they could sit down. They were just straight out racist and rude.

They never called and apologized. My DH finally wrote his dad a letter explaning what was going on and how we were hurt. After a dad his dad calls and gives his excuses why he did what he did. My SIL never owned up to it, she played the innocent card. She was the victim and I was the rude one.

After all that we were getting phone calls and text messages telling my DH that they were his blood family and I wasn't, that my love wasn't true, that he needed to put his foot down in the relationship and tell me what to do, I was ruining the family, they wanted him to sneak out without me knowing and so on.

So the outcome of everything ... we don't answer anymore calls or texts ... My DH has only visit his family twice once so we can talk to his DH and tell him that we don't appreciate what their doing (once again he had his excuses) and second to drop off gifts for Christmas.

I haven't spoke to my SIL or my BIL since the wedding they have hurt me deeply with their words and actions and the biggest problem is that they wont' even own up to what they did. They want to play like they were the innocent victim telling people that I'm the bad one and that I keep their brother away. So this is where I'm at right now ... My DH's work Christmas party is tomorrow and I just found out that my SIL invited herself. She is driving 4 hours just to come to it. My DH asked me what we should do ... if we should talk to her like nothing has happened or to ignore her and the truth is I don't know what to do.

so if you were in my situation ... what would you do?? Ignore her or act as if nothing has happened??

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 4:53pm
Why would she be allowed at a work party if she is not an employee or the spouse of one? Have her removed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 6:14pm
I can't have her removed b/c she is going with my BIL. He also works at the same place.
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 7:18pm
Well that stinks. I would avoid her. Act like she doesn't exist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 8:51am
Hopefully there will be lots of people there and you can avoid her like you don't even know her, if that is what you feel like doing at the time. Don't allow her to ruin the party for you and your DH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 12:56pm

I think a lot of situations in this life can be solved by one simple phrase: "Just be polite."

A true lady can do this, even in the most trying of circumstances. Happy holidays!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 1:11pm

I plan on being polite. The truth is I've never been rude to them even though they have to me. Even at my own wedding I didn't scream or do anything rude to them, we just simply asked them to calm down. I've kept my distance from them for that reason I don't want to blow up or be rude and add more flame to the fire. Me and DH agreed that we would say hi to her if she came up to us or if we accidently bump into her, but for us to sit there and have a long conversation with her were not going to do.

The only thing that worries me is that if she had no problem making drama at our wedding ... what makes me think she won't start something here?? What am I supposed to do if she starts?? I guess the only thing I can really do is be the bigger person ... right?? I just want to do the right thing, but I also don't want to get stepped all over either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:32pm

If she starts in making a scene, can you just look at her very sadly, shake your heads in sorrow and walk away from the pitiful lump making a fool out of herself? Maybe DH can offer you his arm as you head for the refreshment table? Thus showing solidarity?

It's a thought.

I hope the party goes well.

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 6:53pm

I'd ignore her. If it were me and she had the nerve to speak to me, I'd turn my back on her and go speak to someone else. I wouldn't even acknowledge her presence. Don't act like everything's ok, just don't allow her to drag you into making a scene. If she makes a scene, let her, just don't add to it. Everyone will see who's doing it, and they will instantly know that it wasn't you.

Good luck!

Sallie