ICE COLD MIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
ICE COLD MIL
7
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 1:25pm
Would anyone feel accepted in your MIL house if this happened to you.
1. Go visit MIL she chain smokes constantly with our children in the house, but once new grandkids come along she goes outside now to smoke.
2. Our kids birthdays come and go, no card, no call no nothing. Go to MIL house find gifts and cards there for other grandkids.
3. MIL gets married, only one siblings asked to go to the wedding. we didn't find out until about 3 weeks later. There are 4 siblings all together
4. Sitting around the table at Easter and MILS daughters are talking about getting pregnant at 16 to get out of the house. MIL turns and looks at me and says "just wait until your 16 year old comes home and tells you she is pregnant". My daughter walked out of the house vows never to return, to which I will never make her return.
5. One son still at home 50 years old, just got busted for meth. "oh, it wasn't his MIL defends".
6. Son is a convicted felon, but carries a gun....A bit on the scary side
7. MIL comes to our town with her then husband, but they never stopped to visit. Actually drove by our house. So turn around is fair play. Guess who the bad person is know.
8. Family reunion her son "my husband" is sitting right next to his uncles "her brothers" talking, she is getting ready to leave, she walks over hugs the brothers good bye. walks right pass her son.
9. MIL has a heart attack... lays in the hospital for 2 days before she told anyone. son who lives with her was out of town. When we were finally contacted the nurse told us she made it sound like her family lived in another state. We are 70 minutes away, and my mother works in that hospital.
10. WHEN we go visit, other son who lives with her, constantly makes jabs at my husband. she says nothing, the minute we say something back to him, she instantly defends him.
Does anyone see where I am coming from.... or am I the DIL from Hell and over reacting to my feelings, and trying to protect my husband and kids from being hurt even more. We are made out to be the bad ones, but if you where treated like this would you keep going back?
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:06pm
No.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:23pm

Go back? No, I wouldn't go to any home where someone smokes. I also wouldn't go into the home of a drug-using felon with a gun. Your kids should be kept away. If your husband insists on visiting her, DON'T let him take the kids. Perhaps no one can help him see that he is wasting his time trying to get any kind of acknowledgment from his mommy. But it's also true that he cannot make you go where you do not wish to go.

So pick up the phone every now and then and check in, and be polite. That should satisfy your husband that you are a decent daughter in law.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:24pm
I feel like a heal, my heart goes out to every person on this board who has to deal with these types of in-laws. After reading my post, then reading other posts my MIL is harmless, just a very cold person. I just dread the holidays with a passion and they used to be my favorite time of year. And I should not have to feel like this. I feel alot of anger this year towards her, I lost my cousin on Christmas Eve morning last year, lost a very dear family member the next day on Christmas day, then I lost my grandmother last weekend, over thanksgiving. And do you think that cold hearted lady could even send a sympathy card. We come from a small town, so it is not like she had no clue that it happened. Where obituary cards are placed at all the check out stands at local business. And one card I know was placed at my bil place of employment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:32pm

You keep visiting these people, why exactly?

I see where you are coming from, and think you should stay there. You know, away from them.

Go where you are welcomed and appreciated. Invite people who love and appreciate you. Stop throwing your life, love and good feelings away on people who apparently don't care. Do your "duty visit" if you must, but keep it short and let the kids go elsewhere.

So you are the "bad guy"? The "evil DIL"? Does it get you out of her presence and into a nicer place? Then embrace the label and truly live the good life, away from her.

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:51pm
It has been a almost 2 years since we have been there. My husband is the first one to not go back. At the time she was smoking I was young and afraid to voice my opinion so we started limiting the visits back then. And it has progressed to hardly even going over if all possible. And that is when she started getting to be a very cold MIL.
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 3:27pm
Not in a million years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:40pm
Yeah, definitely would not go back.
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