Broken promise?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Broken promise?
2
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 11:00am

Hello all!

First of all I sympathise with anyone who has in law problems, they are the worst and can literally kill a marriage. Well anyway, here's mine...

My husband and I are recently married, and we are both close with our families. Our families are however, very different from each other, my family very conservative his family...well, not so conservative.

Before the holidays came around we decided that we would spend Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. My family is from another country and his family live a little under 3 hours away. Needless to say, we are at his families' house often, and I very rarely get to see my family.

We spent Thanksgiving as planned with his family, and the weekends before and after as well, not to mention he went down there twice without me (not a problem). So Christmas is near, and my parents are coming up to spend it with us. This is my first Christmas away from home and I miss them already!

My husband's family have called on several occasions asking when are we coming down for Christmas, we have mentioned the Thanksgiving/Christmas family split on a few occasions, and my husband and I have talked about it often. Well he tells them that we will be coming down either the day of or the day after. I have a huge problem with this, his family has had a lot of time to spend with us however, whenever my parents come up they have to spend their time with us and his family, I do not think that is fair.

I spoke to him about it today and he says that I am drawing line between the families...but all I want is for my family to have the same bonding time as his family does... am I wrong? Am I being unreasonable, or should my family be able to spend one-on-one time with us?

Help!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 11:54am
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I think your DH and his family are being incredibly selfish. Maybe you need to see if you and your DH can see a counselor or some neutral third party to point that out to him. He is expecting you to honor him and his family with little or no regard for you and your family. You are not the one "drawing the dividing line". He is the one doing that. He needed to stand up to his family when they called and let them know that you and he would not be seeing them again until sometime after your family's visit. Shame on him for not being strong enough to do that and shame on his family for trying to cause problems after you had told them how you would be spending the holidays this year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:13pm

Okay, this is just me and what I would do if it were me. I would tell my husband that we made the agreement of spliting the holidays and that he can't change his mind after his family got their turn, and in doing so gyp my parents of theirs. Then, I would call my in-laws and politely and kindly tell them "DH was wrong and we won't be able to come down to see you for Christmas because my parents are flying in until the fill-in-date-here. Maybe the weekend after they leave you can drive up here or we can come on down." Then say "love you, bye!" and hang up.


You aren't drawing lines, you are going along with what HE agreed to. He agreed that his parents got Thanksgiving. Now that they had it he can't go and manipulate or guilt you into letting them have the Christmas that was designated to your parents. That is disrespectful to you and them to take it away from them when HE agreed that they would have it.

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