Need Advice ASAP
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 12-19-2006 - 5:14pm |
Here is some background....
BF and I have been dating for almost a year. He has a 10YOD and I have a 4 YOD. They love each other very much. My DD has no father(in her life anyway) and his DD lives with his mother and father. He and ex were 17 when she was born...long story but you get the picture. I am not happy about the arrangment but have been dealing with it.
We are coming up on our first Christmas together and I was so excited but I think it all just fell apart.
The week before Thanksgiving I brought up the Christmas schedule to his mom and she seemed OK with it. Ex gets 10YO Christmas eve, we go to his mom and dad Christmas day in the morning or early afternoon about noon and then to my dad's(my parents are divorced) that afternoon. She said OK.
Discussion came up again today and all hell has broken loose. MIL is saying we should have brought it up earlier. HELLO!! I did!!!!!
Ex doesn't want to bring 10YO back to MIL until 3
I can't do that I will have to be at my families by then. His mom does not want to give up her time at Christmas. If no one wants to bend I have to choose b/w my first Christmas with bf or my family. I don't want to do that. Mind you we all live 15 mins from each other so if everyone bends an hour or so in each direction it will work out.
BIG problem is he just said when my mom talks that is the bible she is the boss. I am like OMG. I don't want to be like that.
I think I have to tell him I am not going to live like that. I want to be able to make decisions for myself and family. She is VERY controlling. She means well but.....
We are going to dinner tonight to talk about Christmas but I think I have to tell him that if he is not going to stand up to his mom I don't want to be with him.
HELP!!!!

I agree and disagree.
We just talked a little more and he clarified it to me when it comes to his daughter. She is the one who is raising her and that he made mistakes that he has to take the time to make right.
I have no idea how to feel about any of this.
We are going to dinner tonight to talk.
Look, you are the one who has to decide. I was not telling you to leave him. But, if his own mother is in charge of HIS child and is already exerting her "authority", I think you are going to have problems.
Good luck.
Thanks for all of your advice. It is much appreciated. I love this man, I think everyone on here understands that the in laws should not be the sole reason to leave.
We had a long talk about it all last night and he told me a lot of things I didn't know and his mom promises to start letting go a little and giving him more of a say so. Also, I think a 10 YO should have a little say so in her own life. The plan is to have her come live with him as soon as she is ready.
Thanks everyone.
Am I correct from you original post to assume that you DH is at least 27 years old and now his mother is going to "start letting go and giving him more of a say so"? I would think he is old enough and should be mature enough to tell his mother exactly what he is going to do and then follow through.
I wish you all the best but I think you have a long, hard road ahead of you if this MIL has been making all the decisions for both her son and her granddaughter for the past 10 years. She is definitely in the mode of parenting two children.