Monster-in-Law is trying to act upset!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Monster-in-Law is trying to act upset!!
8
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:58pm
Hello again Ladies!! Monster-in-law sent me an email, a very unconvincing email at that. Everyone can tell when someone is truly apologetic whether in person or through a letter. She sent me an unapologetic letter claiming to be sorry, but the very next day started up more trouble. All I could do was laugh because she just doesn't learn. My new hubby and I made a decision regarding the baby, that's due this March, and visitation with his evil parents. Basically, If they want to see the child then they have come to our home, with advanced notice of course since we don't like unannounced visitors, for a little while. My instincts tell me that they are not to be trusted, and so this way I know exactly what's going on since I will be there. She's upset because I won't let the baby visit without my being there at her home or in Leakey where everyone goes. Even my new hubby says that he wouldn't leave the child alone with her unsupervised. That tells me something is definitely wrong there. Possibly in 2 years time, we might move out-of-state and this was my new hubby's idea that I'm agreeing with should we make up our minds on it. Of course, if and when she finds out, she'll throw a major hissy fit, but won't be able to do anything about it. New hubby's dad hasn't said one single word him since the week before the announcement was made that we were married. During that conversation, Fil was trying to condone everything she was doing and trying to blame the whole mess on me. Well, my new hubby did a wonderful job of standing up for me and himself, so I guess his dad still has his underware in a bunch over it. His parents don't call the house unless the figure he will answer the phone, and I highly doubt that they will come see the baby that much since it will not be how they want it. I just don't trust them and it seems that new hubby doesn't fully trust them either, so that's the way it'll be and they'll have to get over it. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 8:11pm

Hi Frederique2006, welcome!

I agree that since you and your DH don't trust MIL and FIL, they shouldn't be with your baby unsupervised. I also agree that they will need to accept that and get over it. They really don't have much of a choice in the matter. Good for your husband in standing up to both of his parents. I'm sure it was hard for him but it sounds like it was necessary. A lot of husbands tend not to stand up for their wives and children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 8:31pm
It has been very hard on him to the point of bringing him to tears at times. When he was little, he had a wonderful relationship with his mother's parents and wants the same for his own children. He also knows that it doesn't seem to be possible since she won't stop causing trouble for us, and I think he knows deep down that she has no intention on stopping her behavior. He's determined to treat our daughter like a princess, since he was treated like a prince by his grandparents. He has other relatives who know how to behave themselves that will treat us all right. My family really likes and respects my new hubby and can't wait to spoil our little girl. So really, our little one won't miss out as much as some would think. I'm just happy that I've found someone, after all the mess I've been through over the years, that's putting me and our new family first, is standing with me and is being a man. Tonight, my new hubby is going to call his mother back, and I know he doesn't want to talk to her because she'll get all emotionally manipulative, cry and act a fool as always because of our recent decisions. Her tricks don't work anymore and her behavior is becoming one of his pet peeves now. Hopefully, she'll realize that he's indeed a grown man now and will stop before he really resents her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 9:11pm

OMG


I wanted to stand up and cheer your hubby on! You go boy! It's fantastic that he is standing up for you and your coming baby. I would lay down the same ground rules you are talking about. That is if my MIL lived near here, and was that messed up. It scares me that even he is admitting he wouldnt allow his newborn over to her house unsupervised. YIKES


I really feel you are on a good track here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 9:23pm

Liz you are something else!! LOL ^_^ Yes, she'll be named Alexandria Aaliyah-Marie

I wish you had a chance to see my other post, then you'd be shaking your head at what she was up to. How are things going with you? :sending go wishes your way:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 9:38pm

Beautiful name...I am so excited for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 10:00pm

^_^ That's awesome that your marriage counselor is backing you and up and that you hubby is now seeing things for what they really are. It'll be hard for him, but he'll be okay ansd will stand up to his mom. I'm so happy for you!! Put your foot down when it's the little one's nap time, they need to have a little consideration for the baby. Keep have a happy disposition about all of this like your doing. I'm at the point now to just laugh at her antics because she's crazy.

When you get a chance check out my posts from Nov. 30th and Dec. 15th and you'll see what's been going on..she really is a loon. My hubby says that she has some past issues that have been affecting her brain, though she milks it very well, and would not leave the child alone with her. She refuses to get help, like she doesn't need it I guess. Bad things would happen if she ever does something to my child, so it's very good that she will not be left alone with crazy grandma.

Happy Holidays To You Too!! ^_^

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 12:41pm

Never, ever doubt your motherly instincts. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your precious baby with MIL. Don't do it. Period. Paragraph. End of story.

I'd be concerned about a MIL who demanded that a baby be left alone with her. What is her problem?

As a new mother, you need to stay emotionally healthy and in good spirit--so you can nurture your child. You don't need this garbage. Let MIL come to you, if she wants to see the baby. Tell the family that you don't want to travel just yet. They can't force you to hop in the car!

These people are your extended family---but you, your husband and your baby are your primary family now. Take care of your needs FIRST and never second guess yourself. You have the right to make decisions for your own baby, and if people throw tantrums or disrespect your decisions--you just have to ignore it and move forward.

It's your time to shine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 6:31pm

Sounds like you've got a great guy. Hope you stay happily married, and congrats on baby!

Keep up the good work!

Sallie