Whats a girl to do???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Whats a girl to do???
5
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 3:22am

Okay so fmil is nice to my face but b!tches behind my back. Fine I can live with that. Now they want to come and stay for two weekends in a row as we have recently moved 1100km away. Partially to get away from them partially to make more money. So partners cousin is in town visiting another friend currently. She can't stand fmil either. And this cousin is a nice lady we get along like a house on fire.

She has been telling me things that fmil has been saying behind my back. Like Amy is useless she doesn't even do Travis's washing. Which I do sometimes, but we both work full time. And I do all the towels and linen. So he has to wash his own work clothes. They are so gross we even have their own washing machine. Aparently fmil bitches about me all the time. Cousin has a daughter who is 2 and doesn't know me. Cousin asked her daughter to sit down next to me and she got all shy. Such a little cutie. And she says to daughter "don't worry about what Granny says, Amy is nice".

I don't want her coming for the two weekends in a row any more. I have had enough. But I understand that Travis will want to spend time with his parents.

I was originally going to go home to see my parents but Trav didn't want to deal with his parents all by himself. I'm now considering to tell him to suck it up cos I'm going home to my mother and he can deal with his stupid family all by himself.

What would you do? go home or deal with their bitchyness and disgustingness. Don't know if any one remembers but this is the family that I wrote about before where the father has been rather inappropriate. And you know what - I aint holding my tongue back any more.

I'm going to cross post this in dealing with the inlaws too.

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 6:35am

Does the cousin tell your husband that his mother is badmouthing you? If so, what does Trav do about it?

As far as visiting, it is your home too. You should have the right to not host people who don't like you and call you nasty names. Trav either needs to step up and tell Mommy to knock it off, or Mommy doesn't come visit. And she can stay in a hotel if she cannot be nice. Inform her that the laundry and anything else in YOUR home is none of her business.

Take up for yourself. It can be very liberating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 4:40pm

"And this cousin is a nice lady we get along like a house on fire...
She has been telling me things that fmil has been saying behind my back. Like Amy is useless"

You may think this is a side-issue to what you posted, but I hope that you will give it a little thought. People who pass on gossip like this are not "nice ladies." Sorry, but I have been around the block a whole lot of times, and I know what I know. Your MIL was very wrong to say those things about you to anyone other than her pastor, and your cousin was NO LESS WRONG to pass the comments on to you. You must admit that hearing them has not brought you happiness, nor peace, nor a stronger relationship with your man. What has it done? It has made you very upset, and now you are getting ready to un-do your man's enjoyment of a visit with his parents.

Drama. It's trouble. Don't join in!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 6:08pm

I will be taking up for myself when they come. Most definately. You know I never really thought about what cousin was thinking when she told me. I would have been better off not knowing really.

Either way have hashed it out a little with partner. I never have to stay at their house again and in future if fmil tries to help out with washing or dishes he is going to stop her and do them himself. Right in front of her to show her that he is quite capable of doing them himself.

I could only think so what if I die, does she think that he will come home to get his washing and dishes done for him? Hello?? weirdo in the house. Guys need to be self sufficient. I'm not a maid. If she wants to babysit her husband that is fine, completely up to her. She doesn't work all day. However I do work and can't do everything all by myself.

And they will never be staying for longer than 2 days. yay!!! I just need to be strong and stand my ground.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 8:01pm

I agree with rosemile and want to add that you should be cautious about confiding in this woman, especially about issues with your MIL. People like that can't always be trusted to keep things like that in confidence. If you want to vent about your in-laws, then come here and do it anonymously.

http://www.paganedge.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 2:57pm
I wanted to add that you shouldnt believe what your cousin says. Do you have any proof that you mil actually said this? If not then I'd send it out the other ear. These sorts of things do nothing but bring grief to people. DOnt believe your cousin.. she sounds like she's manipulative and a trouble maker. She probably doesnt want you having a good relationship with your MIL either.. dont go by what other people tell you about your MIL. If your MIL is nasty to you and says awful things then by all means address them and refuse to entertain her.. but dont react to what other people say. That's a recipe for all sorts of drama.