CONNIVING Mother-In-Law
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CONNIVING Mother-In-Law
| Wed, 12-27-2006 - 2:17pm |
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, and we are very much in love. However, on our one year anniversary, we had gotten into a fight at his mother's house (or something very petty), he ended up leaving, and then she started on me. She called me EVERY name in the book, told me that he wasn't happy with me, he's moving back home (which is 7 hours away from here) to be with his ex (who CHEATED on him with his 3 best friends), and then accused me of stealing (i've never stolen a thing in my life). So I had my parents come pick me up, because my boyfriend had left and I had no way home. After that incident, I didn't talk to him for 2 or 3 weeks because I was so upset over what she had said. She has done similiar things in the past, like trying to get me to lie to him (I told him about that and he confronted her, and she just sat there like a bump on a log), and then telling me things about his ex then telling me not to tell him ,then she told him because she thought it'd upset him and break us up. The thing is, we LOVE each other more than anything, we plan on getting married and starting a family together. I havent talked to his mother since July 06, and She has told him many times that she's sorry, but we've also been around her many times and she IGNORES me. I told him that I'm not accepting her apology unless she says it to my face or calls me and tells me. Neither of which she'll do. Her excuse is that I'll hang up on her, thus she's putting him in the middle of it, and I dont hang up on anybody. She invited him over for their Christmas Eve Party, and then for Christmas dinner, but I wasn't invited. That upset his WHOLE family (cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma, EVERYBODY) that I wasn't there, they now think I'm stuck up and no good. But I wasn't invited. So Christmas Eve, I made him leave early to be with me, and it caused a huge fight and he said that if these things between me and his mom don't get settled that we're going to have to break up, because supposibly he doesn't want to have a screwed up wedding because we dont get along. So what should I do? Then he ditched his dad's Christmas dinner (his dad loves me to death) to be with his mom because she lied about the time it started. Shes a disaster and he doesn't believe me when I told him what she did that day. HELP!

Hmm. Perhaps if *he* told *his* mother to knock off the childish behavior and accept *his* fiancee as the woman *he* is choosing to share his life with, you'd feel better about marrying *him*. Of course he'll need to have the cajones to back up his talk. If he tells Mommy to be nice and does nothing when she doesn't (or reverts later) then it's as bad as if he didn't say anything.
So, does he think it okay for his Mommy to treat his Fiancee (and wife) this way? Will he back you up if you tell her to grow up and act like an adult? Or will he get pissy 'cause you "dissed" his Mommy?
I do honestly think this needs to be settled before *you* marry *him*, 'cause if he won't take up for you now, it'll just be worse after you're married.
Seen it way too many times.
Be strong, girl. This is your married life we're talking about.
ilve2read
If she's trying to do this now, what do you think she'll be trying to do when you have children? It only gets more complicated then. And, if your fiance doesn't have the guts to back you up and stand beside you NOW, what do you think he'll do when his wonderful mommy tells him how to raise YOUR children?
Make him figure it out, give him an ultimatum, or go to pre-marital counseling. Get it figured out NOW, because it'll only get worse later if you don't start your life out as a TEAM.
Good luck!
Sallie
I think you are forgetting one simple little fact. She is not your mother in law. You do not have to volunteer for this mistreatment.
Run! As fast as you can. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. I know you love him, but do you love him enough to be last on his list of people to please? Can you live, for the rest of your life, always coming last to his family? It never gets better after you are married....it just gets more complicated.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it is so true.
Stay strong, and value yourself.