I'm new here and completely fed up.
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I'm new here and completely fed up.
| Wed, 12-27-2006 - 4:47pm |
My DH and I have been together for four years now (married for one). When I first met this mother, we got along just fine. Over time, she somehow thought that I would like to receive emails from her putting my husband down. I eventually quit communicating with her all together. She is always being petty about one thing or another. She invited us to her house (2 1/2 hours away). Of course we went. After that trip, she called my DH and complained that all we talked was the wedding and that she didn't want to hear about the wedding. She accused him of letting his family fall apart. Keep in mind that she is the one who moved to another country while all of her children were still teenagers. She is angry that my DH did not play baby-sitter to his sister while she was gone. If MIL wanted her daughter taken care of she should have stayed home or taken her with her. She sent letters to DH (before the wedding) telling him that he spent entirely too much time with me and my family and not enough time with her. She said that she would gladly welcome me to the family WHEN WE MARRIED, but we weren't married yet. MIL has tried to control my DH. She hates the fact that he has a relationship with his father. After many angry emails between us, I told her that DH has forgiven the father for all of his misdeeds just like he forgave her for letting his step-father abuse him. MIL went off the handle and sent my mother an email telling her that I had married a lying crock of sh*t. She accused my DH of lying to me and to my family. When confronted, she admitted that one of her ex's used to hit my DH, but that she didn't think DH thought of it as abuse. She stated that she had emailed my mother apologizing and setting the record straight, but she never did. All she said was that she was only going to send generic emails from then on out. She never told my mother that she was the liar, not my DH.
Everytime she sends and email or anything, she does nothing but gripe and complain. She even pitched a fit because my DH signed one of his letters with his name only (instead of love, his name). She is the most petty person that I have ever met. The only picture that DH wanted taken at the wedding was one of him and both of his parents. MIL refused to stand there for two seconds and take that picture. She let her own jealousy and anger prevent my DH from getting the one thing that he asked her for. Its not like my FIL wanted to stand up there beside her either, but he agreed to do it for DH. She has ruined the relationship between me and my SIL too. Dear old SIL sent me a letter telling me that she did not want to be around me because I hate her mother. SIL accused me of bringing up the past and that I had no right to do that. SIL was mad that my DH talked to me about his feelings toward his childhood, but didn't talk to her about them. I am the WIFE! There will always be things that he talks to me about that he doesn't tell her. DH can tell me whatever he wants to. He doesn't have to run anything by her. Since that time, I have had no communication with MIL or SIL. I want to stay completely away from them. DH refuses to tell them that their behavior is unacceptable. He says that it is my problem and that I have to deal with it and fix it. I have never had to deal with someone as hateful as my MIL AND SIL. I don't like being around them and feel that I as long as they act like they do, that I shouldn't have to be around them. DH sees nothing wrong with what they do. We went to his grandparents for Christmas, and SIL blatantly ignored me. I feel like my DH should tell MIL and SIL that as long as they are so immature and rude to me that WE will have nothing to do with them. He refuses. Am I being unreasonable? Is there another way that I should handle this situation? I am at my wits end.
Everytime she sends and email or anything, she does nothing but gripe and complain. She even pitched a fit because my DH signed one of his letters with his name only (instead of love, his name). She is the most petty person that I have ever met. The only picture that DH wanted taken at the wedding was one of him and both of his parents. MIL refused to stand there for two seconds and take that picture. She let her own jealousy and anger prevent my DH from getting the one thing that he asked her for. Its not like my FIL wanted to stand up there beside her either, but he agreed to do it for DH. She has ruined the relationship between me and my SIL too. Dear old SIL sent me a letter telling me that she did not want to be around me because I hate her mother. SIL accused me of bringing up the past and that I had no right to do that. SIL was mad that my DH talked to me about his feelings toward his childhood, but didn't talk to her about them. I am the WIFE! There will always be things that he talks to me about that he doesn't tell her. DH can tell me whatever he wants to. He doesn't have to run anything by her. Since that time, I have had no communication with MIL or SIL. I want to stay completely away from them. DH refuses to tell them that their behavior is unacceptable. He says that it is my problem and that I have to deal with it and fix it. I have never had to deal with someone as hateful as my MIL AND SIL. I don't like being around them and feel that I as long as they act like they do, that I shouldn't have to be around them. DH sees nothing wrong with what they do. We went to his grandparents for Christmas, and SIL blatantly ignored me. I feel like my DH should tell MIL and SIL that as long as they are so immature and rude to me that WE will have nothing to do with them. He refuses. Am I being unreasonable? Is there another way that I should handle this situation? I am at my wits end.

Hi Fedupdil, welcome to the board!
So let me get this straight. Your MIL will talk crap to you about your DH and MIL talks crap to DH, but when all is said and done, DH tells you it is your problem. Sounds like he has a problem standing up to his mother for whatever reason. I think that DH should tell them that the two of you will have nothing to do with MIL or SIL if that is the way that they are going to be.
Since DH says it is *your* problem, which I don't think it is, then it sounds like you can handle it however you want. If you want to continue to not have a relationship with MIL and SIL, then so be it. If you want to tell them where to go and how to get there, then do it, or however it is that you want to handle it. Your DH should not get upset when you handle it yourself and any consequences thereof. If he does say anything (which I suspect he would based on my impression from your post), you could let him know that he told you it was *your* problem, so you handled it *your* way. Maybe then he will see the light.