No more

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
No more
8
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 1:30pm

Happy New Year! The only contact I have had with my Matriarch SIL in 2 years was at her daughters wedding last spring. She conveniently left me a voicemail while I was at work the Monday following the wedding. She apparently did not like hearing I had made a comment about how cold it was at the reception, and how much money we spent ($800.00) for our daughter to be in the wedding. She heard this from my other wonderful SIL. Needless to say I deleted the voicemail before I listened to her ranting. Before removing the voicemail, I did hear her mention, “Its over” several times.

Never mind the fact that Matriarch SILs husband walked away from my husband at the reception, (I witnessed this). Never mind that my two drunk brother in-laws (50 something years old) showed up and sat next to me in the church, and the other SIL who was suppose to be the brides personal attendant did not show up at the wedding because she had been drinking the night before with her brothers. Oh and never mind the fact that my wonderful SIL moved my husband’s brother’s common law wife their two beautiful daughters and myself to another table, not once but twice! Our daughter came to get my husband and me to be in the family picture…. Then the Matriarch SIL, said “only immediate family” sent me back to my table, the Matriarch sister in-law saying. Oh, don’t tell me “only immediate family.

The matriarch SIL runs the whole show; this is the woman who called me up 4 days after the birth of our first baby, who knew my husband was at the football game with my brother in-law and my parents…. Who yelled, “Who in the h…do you think you are? The only woman to ever have a baby!” This coming after I asked her mother not to blow smoke in our sons face.

I have never figured out how to deal or cope with this person. I spoke with my friends and my own family and they suggest just staying away, which is exactly what my husband and I choose to do. So during the holidays, we don’t go to her family deal at her home. It’s better to keep the peace and just stay away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
In reply to: labear333
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 1:43pm
God bless! I don't know how you handle this woman! Your husband must be an excellent man for you to stick with him despite the family! I think you should just ignore her, as she must insist upon thrusting herself into your life and wreaking havoc. Don't stoop to this woman's level ... just realize that it takes all kinds of people to make up one world, and hopefully this woman is one-of-a-kind. Take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: labear333
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 6:16pm

"Our daughter came to get my husband and me to be in the family picture…. Then the Matriarch SIL, said “only immediate family” sent me back to my table"


And your husband didn't tell her that YOU were his immediate family, and if you weren't included that was a direct slap of inslut to HIM and that he and your daughter wouldn't be in it either?! Wow, your SIL sounds like a self absorbed narcissistic biatch, but she's entitled. Your husband on the other hand, I hope he stands up for you more than you let on in this post here because you deserve nothing less than a husband who honors you as his wife.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
In reply to: labear333
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 8:21pm
Oh, my apologies, my husband, his brothers, our children were not to be in the pictures... Immediate family only!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: labear333
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 5:13pm
All I can say is wow. I think its a good idea to stay away from this woman. She is absoultely awful. Immediate family only. Whatever. Psycho.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
In reply to: labear333
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 5:03pm

"And your husband didn't tell her that YOU were his immediate family" I thought the wives became immediate family when they said "I do"

dansfoxywife - I remember from an old post you said that our boyfriends/husbands should have the mentality that we become their first and foremost family their parents become outsiders who take the back seat to us and and any children that may come along. Me and my boyfriend of 3 years consider each other our first and foremost family. But since we are not married yet do you think it would be appropriate to point that out to his family when occasion calls for it? Such as them taking a family picture without me? and not inviting me to celebrate his birthday with them? He sticks up for me but would I be taking a risk if stand up for myself to his family as his "girlfriend" not wife? I don't want to be taken advantage of and I certainly don't want them to think I need him to protect me all the time. Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: labear333
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 7:14pm

"Such as them taking a family picture without me?"


Not in this case. You aren't family, you aren't his wife. If they want a family picture you wouldn't be included because he hasn't made you family yet after three years.


Boyfriends should not hold the mentality that their girlfriend comes first, but they should most definently be of the mentality that WHEN THEY MARRY their wife will. Yes he should stand up for her if need be, but as she isn't family, she's just someone he's having a good time with for the time it's good, she isn't his priority over familial obligation.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: labear333
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 9:46pm

Hi Labear333, welcome!

I would stay clear of this SIL. She sounds like she fell off her rocker long time ago! No need to associate with someone who is like that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
In reply to: labear333
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:54am
The reason we are not married or engaged by now is simply because we were not ready. We had a lot of growing up and maturing to do in those three years. We do talk about the future and we both know it will happen when the time is right. I think marriage is a serious thing and I don't want to make a mistake by rushing it. I'll admit I get impatient at times but lately he's been telling me not to talk about it because he wants me to be surprised when he pops the question. So I'm excited :) whenever he does ask I'll be ready to say "yes"