Fish & Visitors: Near Accident, Insults

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Fish & Visitors: Near Accident, Insults
2
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 1:39pm

Good afternoon everyone,

My concern is not an "in-law" yet... rather it's my boyfriend's dad. He considers me one of the family and I have had a wonderful relationship with him, but the past few visits have deteriorated into hellish long weekends. This weekend was the worst by far: he was up from Thursday until today, Monday, and in this time, managed to make racial slurs about his daughter's boyfriend and attempt to get behind the wheel while not sober (no, this isn't Mel Gibson!)). The hell began with my bf's dad informing me that my house "smelled" and that he had a hard time sleeping over at my place because of it (meanwhile I have a 1BD apartment - talk about cramped quarters - I'd also like to inform you all that I am a constant cleaner!). That night we were going to go out with my bf's sister and her boyfriend, and his dad made racial slurs and racial jokes about the boyfriend (before they arrived). Knowing how much I can't stomach racism (we've had a heated debate before) and how unacceptable it is on the whole, I was surprised that he was acting that way. After we all had few drinks throughout the day, my bf's father passed out for a while, and I informed my bf that his dad was not to get behind the wheel when we went to dinner - but lo and behold, he did. While I made my point well known, it took a near accident at an intersection next to my apartment to convince my boyfriend's sister to take the wheel. In fact, his dad had still insisted on driving and he told us that "no one was going to drive his rental car, and if someone else wanted to drive, they'd have to take their own car." Needless to say, it was a very upsetting weekend. Furthermore, my boyfriend and I wanted to spend New Year's together and dad ended up inviting us to a family party, starting later in the evening. I'm sorry for the rambling.. I am normally more eloquent. I suppose I am upset at my boyfriend not standing up to his father and first, and foremost, at his father's apalling behavior. I just sent them out and told them I was not feeling well (my boyfriend knows better) - this was supposed to be a vacation for me, but as I can see, my stressful job will be much more enjoyable than dealing with this man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 5:08pm

Hi Chikpea, welcome!

Your bf's father was drunk and was going to drive but you and your bf were in the car while he was driving, even though he was drunk? Did I get that right? If so, then I don't understand why you would get in the car with someone who insists on driving drunk. Personally, I would have taken my own car. If I misunderstood your post, I apologize for the above.

As far as your apartment "smelling," for the next time, you should suggest to your bf's father that he can stay in a hotel, since he had a hard time sleeping at your apartment.

As for the racial slurs, I think you need to let him know again that you find that type of talk at your house unacceptable. I think you should also tell him that you find it offensive, since it bothers you. If he isn't gong to stop, then maybe you need to make a point of not being around him, since he doesn't respect your wishes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:00pm

Hi Stretch,

Thanks for the welcome, but yikes, maybe I should have explained myself better. I got into the car with the thought that my bf's sister was at the wheel - when I looked and saw it was his father, we were already backing out of the parking lot - and even then I had a lot to say about what was happening. It was no sooner than a minute or two that we were out of the lot and onto the street that he nearly got into an accident. Terribly Drunk? No. Buzzed, probably. If I had more time to react, I wouldn't have been in the car in the first place - I was already aggravated with his dad.

Aside from that, I really appreciate your response, as I have had difficulty wrapping my head around this behavior and have no desire to see the guy for a while. I can't talk to my boyfriend anymore about it, since apparently I have worn out the subject. I'm disgusted and I feel like I have seen my bf's dad's true colors. It makes me fearful that his father could get himself into serious trouble in the future.