SIL making polite but unwanted comments
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| Thu, 01-04-2007 - 11:51am |
My SIL had kids about ten years before my hubby and I did, so maybe this is playing a part in the following situation: we have a young child, and every time we get together she feels a need to make comments to us that are obvious.
An example: we were trying to feed our toddler at the dinner table during Xmas at my MIL's house, and of course he spits some of the food out onto the floor (as toddlers will sometimes do). Our SIL immediately says "Oh no he's spitting food onto the floor...it could stain the carpet." No kidding, we were right there when it happened...
Now this seems innocent enough, but it has happened often enough to where it's irking my DH and me pretty badly. It's not even her carpet...it's my MIL's! MIL has always been nice to us and would never say such things to us, trusting us to be adults I guess. My SIL only seems to do this at MIL's house, and not ours.
It's like my SIL seems to think that we don't notice our own child's mess, although we have always cleaned up after him. My DH is the SIL's younger brother, so maybe my SIL feels justified in talking down to us, and the fact that her kids are about ten years older may be part of it.
She's not RUDE, but having her say these things to us is very annoying. We are in our mid-30s and don't feel we should be talked to like we're inexperienced teenagers. My DH and I have started to ignore her comments and not respond to them, but I was wondering if anyone else had a similar situation.

I know exactly what you are talking about. My MIL does this to me almost on a daily basis.. When you stop and think about their comments they can seem innocent enough but you just know what kind of people they are, so you know what they are really trying to do.. (if that makes sense) It sounds to me like she knows it bugs the heck out of you so thats why she does it. My MIL knows it bugs me so thats why she does it to me.. I just try to be the better person and ignore the comments, some times if I am in a bad mood I will make a comment back but I try not to stoop to that level.
If she has any kind of sense of humor, maybe a response such as, "Thank you Captain Obvious" in a (nicely) teasing tone would make your point.
Is she nice otherwise? Does she seem passive-aggressive in other ways?
Maybe it's like a tic, she *has* to state what she sees? This would show up at other times, too, of course.
If it only comes out with *your* child or *your* actions, then it's probably a PA problem.
Good luck!
ilve2read
Welcome Cleansanchez!
I agree that your SIL is being passive-aggressive/rude with her "polite" comments. If it were me, I would ignore her comments. If you make comments back, she is going to know that her comments annoy you and she will keep doing it. Hopefully, if you keep ignoring her that she will eventually stop.
LMAO....thank you captain obvious....LOL....I'm using that one...and laughing my head off right now.
Sarah
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Lol, that could be true! After my nephew's christening, we were at the party and in the garden of a pub. Mum looked up and said to my husband, "Look, an aeroplane!" My husband said, "Is it? Wow, I didn't know that!" Luckily my Mum saw the funny side.
“It’s sometimes hard to listen without judgement but people do appreciate being heard.†aka Sam Spade, 23rd August 2007
I feel like like I can relate to receiving the unwanted comments. Last year, my husband, the kids and I were invited to my SIL's house for dinner after church one Sunday. Other family members from out of town were also attending who just happen to love to eat alot. My SIL made cornbread dressing, cabbage, turkey, etc; your typical African American Sunday dinner. The out of towners loved it. You would think they never tasted anything so good. I, on the other hand, couldn't figure out how they could stomach that mess. Being the nice person that I am, I just told her that the food was great. Then, one of the out of towners asked if I could cook. My SIL decided that she would answere the question for me by saying, "The only thing she can cook is chilli dogs" I felt like that was a rude thing to say, but I let it go.
So, now it's my turn to make Thanksgiving dinner and none of the IL's have tasted my cooking up untill this point. Dinner turned out to be a huge success and everything was delicious! Everyone proceeded to compliment me on the dinner and she just comes out with, "You know, when I first met you, I never would have thought that you could cook anything! You have come along way because you definitely could not cook!" I'm like, whatever happend to just saying thanks for dinner, it was great? So, of course she attempts to out do me for Christmas dinner. I noticed her watching to see if i was enjoying the food on my plate. Unfortunately I couldn't eat it all, because I just don't like her cooking. However, unlike her, I didn't want to her her feelings, so I told her the food was good.
My MIL is the same way, One day I decided to put some extensions in my hair. She says, Oh, has your hair grown some since I've last seen you? I told her that I'd added some extensions. She said that it looked nice and waited for a few seconds before she went into a non stop rant about how "she" would never wear them, and if God didn't give it to her, she didn't need it, etc. etc. When her daughter decides that she wants to get extensions, then it's beautiful and there is nothing in the world wrong with it. Heck, now MIL thinks she might want to invest in some for herself!
I know this stuff might seem petty put they have embarrassed me infront of people too many times with these sensless comments. I can't be rude back to them because it makes me feel bad at the end of the day. At the same time they need to know that you can't just treat people anyway you feel like treating them. When you figure out how to deal with your SIL, maybe you can give me a few suggestions.