no Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
no Lie
5
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 1:08pm
Talk about dealing with a mother in law, i get worked up when anyone even gives me and oppritunity to tell my story. Unfortunatley I married the momma's boy of the bunch however he is no ordinary mamma's boy e never really talks to him mom he just is nice to her and everyone else in the family can't stand her. When my husband and i started dating she asked his grandmother her mother who is a strong christian lady to pray that Chance and i brake up. She claims to be a strong christian herself but talks behind everyones back and tells lie after lie after lie. I am half Irish half Mexican and my husband is white (that sounds dumb but he doesn't know his heritage exactly), one day his mother decided that she just couldn't hold in her oppinion any longer and decided to go off on chance about how i can't give him blonde hair blue eyed kids, and i control him with sex (even though at the time we had never had sex), whats weird is in the middle of all the bashing she will say how much she loves me and she is so glad i came into the family and how she wants up to be like mother and daughter and not mother and daughter in law and then she will continue to be little me. The funny thing is she will sit and tell Chance's grandma that meanest things about me and make up lies and lies about me and then the family caught her having an affair with a family friend. So i know i should consider that source that is making me feel so bad about myself but I have dealt with this through out our whole relationship and to this day i can't forget about it and now i have all this built up anger towards her that i can't get rid of do i need to see a therapist? is this normal. i want to just move on but i can't help but feel that as soon as i let her get close to me it will just slap me in the face again. My husband and i wan to have kids but i just don't think that i can take his mother making anymore comments about me much less our kid, like if she doesn't think its cute or something, thats the kind of person she is and my husband thinks she is crazy but he doesn't think she is "that bad" but it is because a lot of comments are made when she is not around. some one please help keep me sane!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
In reply to: crissyb2123
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 4:02pm

"When my husband and i started dating she asked his grandmother her mother who is a strong christian lady to pray that Chance and i brake up"
Christians believe what God has brought together let no man break it apart. Married or not you're still together for a reason. That was wrong and immature for her to even think that way let alone pray about it.

"decided to go off on chance about how i can't give him blonde hair blue eyed kids"
If chance wanted blonde hair blue eyed kids he would've married a women with that description but he chose you for a reason. If she can't understand that then oh well, I wouldn't worry about how she wants your kids to look like. She's being unreasonable and racist and that's something she has to deal with, not you.

"My husband and i wan to have kids but i just don't think that i can take his mother making anymore comments about me much less our kid, like if she doesn't think its cute or something"

If you and your husband want kids then go for it. You're going to drive yourself crazy if you worry about every little thing she may comment on. If her grand children don't look according to HER preferences then so be it. She can't deny they will still be her flesh and blood whether or not she wants to love them. You can't let this woman control your life and you can't change her either. You know that saying "if you don't like something change it. If you can't change it then change the way you think about it" You have to change the way you let her get to you. You're Irish/Mexican and your kids will be that too, she doesn't like it too bad. As long as your husband loves you and honors you that's all that matters. Although I do think he needs to do a better job standing up for you and letting his mom know she needs back off time to time. That will keep her on her toes when she knows she's hurting her son too. Good luck!

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: crissyb2123
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:17pm

"If chance wanted blonde hair blue eyed kids he would've married a women with that description but he chose you for a reason."

Just wanted to throw in my two cents here. Even if he married a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, doesn't guarantee the kids will come out that way. I have brown hair and brown eyes, as do both of my parents, yet my boys both have blue eyes, and one has brown hair and the other has strawberry blonde hair.

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Avatar for kholt_vi
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
In reply to: crissyb2123
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:25pm
Its almost funny with all the "little digs" and blatant comments my MIL made that ruined my marriage (because he wouldnt defend me at all) She didnt start on things about my kids til we seperated. I have 4 beautiful children. First one has dirty blonde almost brown hair and brown eyes. Close enough to his family. Second one dark hair blue eyes looks so much like my husband you would think he did it alone. Third one blonde and blue eyes looks like my brother And the last dark hair and dark eyes. My husband was dark hair dark eyes and I am auburn with green eyes. The blonde is the one my MIL now denies. She said that the blonde had to have been an affair that there is no way it could have been from him. well one of her sons has blonde hair and blue eyes also unlike the rest of them. So sweetie anything is possible. Blonde hair blue eyes who cares come 15 he she will prob change it to purple hair with color contacts. (joking I hope) She needs to just pray that it comes out healthy and ya'll give her grands at all. I can tell you from experience though that worrying about it will just effectively eat at your marriage. Every time I got over it she would slap me down again. Guess what, she still does and I am now related only by children. Do not let her do it to you. My MIL belittled me in the delivery room between child and afterbirth. Ignore it and whether she stops or not just know that you are better than that because you dont have to hurt others to feel better about yourself. I have FINALLY learned that now when leaving didnt stop it. Had I learned it sooner my kids might not have a broken home and my self esteem wouldnt be so bad. The children see how she behaves because she commented to them negative about me. They dont like her now and dont wanna see her. I dont make them. So who did she hurt in the long run? HERSELF!
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: crissyb2123
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 3:18pm

Your MIL called you a whore, basically. How in the world did you not stop yourself from knocking her teeth in?

I fully admit I am not the sweetest person, but I am generally not a violent one. However, NO ONE accuses me of cheating on my husband.

Bless you.

Avatar for kholt_vi
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
In reply to: crissyb2123
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 3:51pm
forget basically She called me a slut to my face and told my kids I was a slut and that I cheated on their father and broke up their home. Luckily the kids were either too young to understand it or old enough not to believe it. How I kept from knocking her teeth down her throat . . . that was harder, I would tell myself not to let the kids see me beat their grandmother down. That helped. when it didnt I simply reminded myself that I will more than likely outlive her so who cares what she thinks anyway. Then I moved 10 hrs away and wont give her my address. Doesnt matter she made her bed. The kids have no respect for her and they know everything she has done to us as a family. So now the play nice out of respect for her having given birth to their father and thats it.