TERIBLE INLAWS

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
TERIBLE INLAWS
15
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:05pm
Hi, I am new to the message boards , but i thought i would chime right in . Well , where should i begin (lol) . My husband and i have been together 10 years , 6 of them married. We have a school aged son . I was 16 when we met and he was 19 . His parents never liked me from the start . His father always made rude remarks about our age difference , His mom called my mother one time and told her we spent to much time together . Put it to you this way , i was taking there slave away from there household . My hubby basically did every thing around there and i guess when i came into his life they were threatend . He didnt slave around the house like he used to . His father one time called my parents house and left a message on my parents answering service and said hey i have got the lawn mower waiting and hung up . Not too mention his son is 19 years old . My husband was never treated as an adult or treated like a person who has his own needs and wants . My husband will admit that he is so glad he is away from home . It has always been something with these people and i have cut all ties with them . They called all the time and were always in our business. About year ago we had a huge blow out with them . A sibling in my family became very sick and i was not willing to tell his family or anyone outside of my immediate family what had happened . We had a upcoming birthday party for our son coming up and we had to cancel it due to my family situation. Well my husband told his sister that we were canceling the party and that we just have alot going on at this time and that we are not willing to talk about it . so needless to say they are extremely nosy and and wouldnt leave it alone. So his mother called me one afternoon and pulled one of her manipulitive schemes on trying to find out what was going on . I realized what she was doing , so finally i said look this i why i have not talk to you in weeks i knew you would question me somehow on what was going on. I called my husband and let him know what had just took place and he said i will take care of it . He called her that night and ask her why she couldnt leave everything alone and she basically went on to down him and tell him we dont come around and that we act like certain family members in her family . She told him that I spend to much time with my parents and that my son does too. I mean the list goes on . It got real bad - I cursed her out from one end to the other . My husband finally said that we needed some space and time from them and then hung up the phone . His father calls back and is yelling and screaming and he said are you choosing her over us ? No to mention i am his wife not a girlfriend . well after that we cut all contact with them . So , this is where they did it for me . My husbands sister and mother kept calling our house leaving messages that they were going to sue us for grandparent rights . His mother even came to his work to try and talk to him even after my husband told her he needed time away from them. I could keep going on and on , but i will stop here . I would just like to know if i am doing the right thing by not having anything to do with them . I just cant even be in the same room with these people . The situation would have been worked out better than cutting all ties with them , but they did the wrong thing by threating grandparent rights. Please let me know what you think !

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:15pm
I would not think cutting all ties with family is a good idea. There has to be some kind of middle ground you all can come too. If not for you but for your child. Your son will want to know them and will question why you did that when he is old enough.
I knoe IL's and family can be IMPOSSIBLE but I think that is you set some boundries you might be OK. It is not going to be easy or fun but you know what they say...you can pick your nose but not you family!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:24pm
Thanks for your response , but our child does have a relationship with them . I can not take anymore of it . My husband takes our child down there to visit . We went to see a marriage counselor and she advise us to limit time between our child and his grandparents . Like i said there is way more to the whole situation ,but it would be a long novel (Lol) Thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:43pm

I don't know how much it varies from state to state, but there is no such thing as "grandparents rights". None. They don't have any. As the parent, you have all the rights and responsibility to decide whom your child/ren will and will not associate with in regards to those who aren't dangerous (i.e. parents don't have the right to put their kids in danger with people who are dangerous, it's the duty of the parent to protect, KWIM?)


Your IL's can rant and rave all they want, all it'll get them is a sore throat. If I were you, I would have DH tell them flat out that YOU are "the keeper of the kids, if you want access to the grandchildren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:46pm

It sounds like you tried to set some boundries with his family and they are trying to run right over them. You are well within your rights to cut off contact until they will respect your boundries. I would just let them know that when they start respecting you and DH, you will be glad to restart contact. If they change, great, if not, oh well.

As for grandparents rights. I would check with a lawyer in your area, but I do believe that in Granville vs Troxell, the supreme court ruled that the courts cannot force intact fit parents to allow visitation to the grandparents. But I'm not a lawyer, so I'm sure someone else here knows more about this.

HTH, Terri

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:17pm

Excuse me, but this MIL and FIL want their son to choose his wife or them. This is not some casual girlfriend, this is his WIFE.

Anyone ever threatens me with court to see MY child, and that would be the last time they saw the child again.

And yes, you really can choose not to have anything to do with toxic people that just happen to be "family".

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:19pm

You see, that would not fly in our home. My inlaws cannot be kind to me, or at least civil, they don't get to see the children. That goes for my family of origin, too. If they treat my husband badly, they don't see any of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2006
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:39pm

I'm not sure but I believe Grandparents rights can only be initiated if your spouse or you dies and your parents want to have visitation .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 2:37pm

sounds like my inlaws.


As far as the grandparent rights go...most places won't do anything for grandparents.i know because we are being kept from my grandson.My dh's ex-wife made sure we don't see him.She is a nutcase!!


Years ago i cut my parents out of my life....they were far too toxic.I had seen a therapist that said it was best, and it is.Holidays are very hard though.


All I can say is I wish my kids had grandparents that wanted to see them. You can set up supervised visitations and set limitations that way.Just a thought.That way they can't trash you and your dh to your son.


We miss our grandson soo much, but till dh's ex wife dies we will never know him. She even babysits him all the time and live a block from him.


this may be off subject but...... my eldest two boys we given up by thier day to my second husband for adopting.My ex's new wife didn't want them or the child support.I never stoped them from calling him and at 18 they went ot see him. Now they have developed thier own opinions. LOL basically how i feel.


Maybe if your sone was given the chance to see the real them he too would later leave them out of his life???


Any way councelling is always a good way to go. For all of you


(((((((((((hugs)))))))))

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Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 3:42pm

You are right about Troxel v. Granville. There are no more grandparent rights. Even if they divorce or one dies, still no rights. The grandparents would have to prove they have a relationship with the child and that its in the child's best interest to keep the relationship going. Which in this case it isn't. I was thrilled when this passed because my mil threatened numerous times to take just me to court to get visitation to our son. Not Dh and I just me. OP since they have treated you both so poorly, I would not even allow them to have a relationship with your child. Grandparenting is a privilege not a right.

http://supct.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/99-138.ZS.html

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
In reply to: lvnlife25
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 4:12pm

"I was thrilled when this passed because my mil threatened numerous times to take just me to court to get visitation to our son."

Me too. She doesn't want a relationship with my kids because I'm so evil. But I bet if something happened to DH she would come crawling out of the woodwork to try to become Grandma of the Year. No thanks.

Terri

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