finding a good counsellor or therapist

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
finding a good counsellor or therapist
4
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:39am
I told my husband last night that after a lot of consideration, it could be a good idea to think about couples' counselling. He seems somewhat open, but I don't think he understands why we need it. The problems with my MIL and the financial stress she is causing us is taking its toll on me, and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. Just to sum up: before DH and I met, he started building a house for his MIL to live in to be close to him. Actually, he was planning on renting his own home and living with MIL at the time because she was having complications with her diabetes. Well, shortly after buying the house, I met DH, we dated for 2 years, and got married. All the while he had this huge house bill, but somehow, being very naive, I didn't really think it would affect us that much. The fact that we have no extra money, we can't visit my family who lives far away, and we live in a dump of an apartment has taken its toll on me and the fact that over 50% of DH salary goes to MIL's nice house. Of course, I would rather stay here in this hole than live with her, because she is very bossy, but there's not really any way my DH can sell the house back. It's like we're stuck, at least for the moment, with no options and the jealousy and anger are eating away at me. I want to be happy, but I also want my DH to realize what a stupid financial move he made, dang it! Anyway, back to counselling. I'm living in europe and am not too sure how to go about finding a therapist, but it would be helpful to find someone who is practical but also spiritual. DH and I aren't religious any longer (I found out that the religion I belonged to my whole life was a fraud.) However, after having failed at being an atheist, I just have to admit that there is a part of me that is spiritual (nothing against atheists or religious people BTW) Anywhoo, how do I go about finding a therapist and when is a good time to start therapy? Also, is it pretty expensive? Because unless we rent out some of the rooms in MIL's new house, we don't have hardly any money by the end of the month.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 9:58am

Start with your mental health people, ask them for names of marriage counselors.

Do you have businesses listed in the back of your phone book, grouped by type of business? You can get names there, if you do.

You may have to ask for a brief first visit to meet each one and ask about spiritual beliefs and other philosophies.

Good luck to you.

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:22pm
You may not feel comfortable doing this, but I would also ask friends or coworkers if they can recommend someone. I've found that most of my coworkers have gone to therapy for some reason or another, and with something like therapy, I think that a reference is important. Or, you might ask your doctor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 12:49am
Do you have health insurance? Maybe you can view a listing of the counselors/pyschologists, etc. that are on the plan and call them up to find out their qualifications, etc. Also, you could ask friends if they know of someone who is good, if you feel comfortable doing that. Also, Catholic Charities has counseling as well. Also, your local YMCA/YWCA usually has counseling services available.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 7:13am
Hi Everyone. Thanks for your replies. I am going to start by calling some of the local services around- like the YMCA- to see what they have to offer. If I can't find anything that way, I'll start asking friends, but I don't know too many married couples, let alone ones that have been through counselling. But, I think it's worth a shot, because now that DH and I are in the situation that we're in, it's eating at me so much. I just don't know how to deal with the jealousy and the anger at my husband that he can't see he's putting mom first and wife second, and it really, really bothers me!!!