SIL's family of 5 to stay with us?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
SIL's family of 5 to stay with us?!?
11
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 12:16pm

I need some advice... my husband and I recently moved into a new condo. We live in a big city, so we don't have much space. The condo is 3 bdrm, 2 baths... but it's a very small space. One of bdrms is an office, and the other is a guest room which ONLY fits a full bed. We've had people stay over before... his parents came once, and a few friends one wknd.

But recently, he asked me if it would be ok if his sister's family come stay for 2 nights this wknd. His sister's family consists of 3 children under the age of 6 yrs old, plus 2 adults!! That would be 7 people staying total. So I told him I didn't feel comfortable with this... and of course, we got into an argument about it. Later on, after talking with friends, I thought maybe a good idea would be that the family take our condo, and my hubby and I go to a hotel. I mention this idea to him and he didn't like it... he says if he mentions that idea to his sister that she won't want to stay here. Anyway, we are talking about it last night, and he says to me, fine, they'll just stay at my uncle's house (he lives in the area). So now I feel completely guilty and horrible about this. Plus, my hubby told his sister that this is how I was feeling... so I'm definitely looked at as the bad guy.

Is it wrong for me too think that it's going to be way too crowded, and to not allow this?

Any thoughts would appreciated... thanks!

Pages

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 12:20pm
Well gee, how nice that DH told Sis and put it all on you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 12:47pm
I don't think it was very kind of your DH to tell his sister that you were the one who did not want them to stay there. However, for just two nights over the weekend, it looks like you could have made it work out even if the kids brought sleeping bags. If they were planning to stay a week or long term, I could understand you being hesitant to do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 1:12pm
Honestly I wouldnt have objected to 2 nights. 2 nights is really not that long and I would have put up with it, since IT IS his sister.. If it were for more than a week then I completely agree with you .. in that case I would probably have suggested half the time at the uncles and half at ours.
I think that what you did was unnecessary, and frankly it's things like this that sour relationships with in-laws and give them ammunition against you. Sorry.. I am being frank, please dont mind. Building relationships and maintaining them take work from BOTH sides and that means putting up with things we dont like, sometimes. My philosophy on these things is to pick my battles. It has worked very well for me and that's the advice I give to people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 1:56pm

I agree with the PP's.

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 2:17pm
I am going to have to disagree with everyone. It is rude for her Dh to ask if they can stay there when he knows darn well they don't have the room. Yes the kids can sleep on the floor, but where at? The living room? Then no one can watch TV after they are in bed and have to tip-toe around in the morning, so they don't wake the kids. 9 people in a pretty much two bedroom condo is not going to work. The OP didn't say how many bathrooms there are. That is another problem. Then there is the thing that once they are allowed to stay there they will think that its okay to stay there all the time. Who is to say they won't want to stay there for holidays, or school breaks? See the problem this could create down the road? OP your Dh shouldn't have put this all on you. I would be very angry with him for doing that. Tell him space is an issue and ask why he can't understand that. Ask him why is it such a big deal for her to stay with you? If Uncle has room, there is no reason they can't stay there. If they knew they wanted to come up for the weekend, they should have had all of this worked out in advance, not at the last minute like this.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Baby Slings at Nurtured Family

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 6:35pm

Are you sure "any" thoughts would be appreciated? Cause I think you were unreasonable, unloving, and I think you owe your husband an appology. It is for two stinkin' little nights. You can't be gracious and loving towards your husband for two little nights? So what if you're uncomfortable, since when does comfort level dictate whether we are gracious and loving? How many times does he do things he isn't exactly comfortable doing just because he loves you and you asked him to? It's not like he was asking they move in for months, or even weeks. It is two nights during the WEEKEND, when it won't be disruptive and you can sleep in.


There is more to the story I'm sure. Tales of their wickedness and how wretched they are to you. But here, from what you're bringing forward in your post as the things worth mentioning, you come across to them as the "bad guy" because.....well, you're not being the good guy

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 6:54pm
I AGREE with the PP's i's only 2 nights. Instead of trying to figure out how to avoid staying in the same place as them, I would devote my time to figuring out things you all can get out of the house so that no one feels couped up. I could understand more if you were getting 5 adults, but the kids can crash on the floor, or an air mattress. I'm sure that at least 60% of their stay they wouldnt mind being out doing something. Offering them a place to stay where they can rest their heads would be a nice gesture. And you may be upset with DH for telling his sis how you felt, but considering the situation, I tend to believe that she could probably guess that it wasn't his idea they or you stay elsewhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:30pm
Well, I think it's good that he asked rather than just tell you that's what they were planning to do. I don't think that the hotel suggestion was unreasonable. But I think that all options should be fairly considered. Honestly, I don't think that 2 nights is a lot. If it were longer, then I would think differently. But it sounds like your SIL knew space would be cramped and is OK with it. I don't think it sounds like she is expecting you to roll out the red carpet or anything. So I would just give them the spare bedroom and put the kids in sleeping bags on the floor. Hopefully she can bring sleeping bags. A friend of mine and her husband did this with her sister and husband and kids. Their home looked like a wreck while the sister and family was there, but so what. They left with all their sleeping bags and toys and their house was back to normal. I wouldn't worry about where you will be after the kids go to bed. You'll probably be focusing on the kids anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:43am
Do you like or have a good relationship with this SIL? Because I think it totally effects how you feel about her & her family staying over for 2 nights. I don't think you are wrong for feeling what you feel, it's your house, so what if you don't want to feel uncomfortable for 2 nights, but you also have to accept the fact that by saying no they might not like you for it. If it were me, if I liked my SIL, I'd probably be willing to have my house be crowded by her family for only 2 nights, it might even be fun. But if I didn't like her, I'd probably say no too. The difference is since I didn't like her, I wouldn't care what she thought of me or wether I was looked at as the bad guy. So do what you makes you comfortable, it's better this way than saying yes and spending every minute of those 2 nights in misery.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 1:21pm
Not reading the other posts right now, but I have to say you have more extra space than most people, and it's only 2 nights...way better than the dreaded indefinite stay. Sometimes we gotta have broad shoulders and deal with the inconvenience for the sake of family harmony. Good luck.

 

Pages