boyfriends exwife living with his mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
boyfriends exwife living with his mother
4
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 1:49pm
My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years. He finally got his divorce after 2 1/2 years. His exwife just got out of state prison right before thanksgiving. And his mothers boyfriend set it up for her to live with them. Now his mothers boyfriend has moved out,but the exwife is still there. his mother has told me she is sorry, but I don't understand how she could do this to me let alone her son. His exwife has cheated on him and he even cought her in the act, she steals, does drugs, and much much more. his mom said she would only be there 1 week but its going on 1 1/2 months. he wont really talk to his mother about it and I just dont know what to do about it anymore. I told him that they are trying to break us up even thought his mother says shes not it seems like she is. He has told me that he is where he wants to be and that he would never go back to his exwife. Which I beleive him, but its just so hard having her live with his mom. Last night we got into a fight about it. I told him that it bothers me big time and that i can't take it anymore. I dont want to end things with him and i but something has to be done about her living with his mom. One good thing is that he will not visit his mom with her living there. Any help???
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 4:26pm

Fawn,


Let sleeping dogs lie. You're causing yourself more angst for yourself than the ex-wife and your boyfriend's mother. Really.


The fact is, it's his mother's house and she has the right to invite whomever she wants to stay there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 6:10pm

I agree with wisdomtooth. Is his mother so special that *you* want to spend time with her?

If not, then accept that you have your man. He is letting his mother choose between him and the ex and accepting her choice.

AND, he has chosen *you* over both his mother and his ex.

I suggest you (both of you) let his mother make contact, don't chase after her.

If she really didn't want this woman living with her (or get *something* - even if it's a feeling of victimhood - from the situation) she'd put a stop to it.

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 6:21pm

Hi Fawnasunflower, welcome to the board!

I agree with everyone who has replied. Since your bf doesn't want to visit his mom while his ex is there, I don't think there is much to worry about.

I also agree that it is your mother's house and she can have whomever she wants in her house, whether you agree with it or not.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:47pm

The only thing you can do to "help" yourself is to repeat to yourself over and over and over "it's not my business who that woman allows to live with her". Take it on as a mantra. For whatever reason, and the reason doesn't matter, your BF's mother is letting her live with her. Doesn't matter who the person is, it's not your business. It's not a slight against you. You shouldn't be bothered by it any more than you should be if the woman living with his mother were a complete stranger. You don't have to go over there if you don't like her. You don't need to end things with your boyfriend over something that is entirely out of his control! The very idea is rediculously absurd! That's like punnishing him for having curly hair. He is not the deciding rule over who does or does not live at his mothers house.

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