Am I overreacting?
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| Thu, 01-11-2007 - 6:12pm |
I'm new here and I've been wanting to get some opinions on my MIL. Here's the situation:
My DH and I have been together for 3 years married for 1. My MIL and I have always gotten along just fine, we weren't great friends but there was no tension or problems.
However, last fall she met a new guy and was engaged to him within a month. She lives very close (1 mile) and she pops in one day to give us the news and to inform us that she's already set the date..My birthday. At first I thought maybe she had scheduled it on that day accidentally, not realizing it was my birthday. I was wrong. We very nicely asked her if she could do it any other day. She said no, actually she said "I can't change it, it just feels right..can't you celebrate your birthday on another weekend?"
Well from there it snowballed, my dh told her that if she didn't change the date that there was no way we could be there. Now she refuses to speak to us, won't acknowledge me, she even called my DH's brother to tell him that she heard we were getting divorced.
So, my question is..was I right to be so upset about it?

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Hi Jinxd_801, welcome!
Do you think she set the date for your birthday to be spiteful? If so, why do you think that? Or maybe she set the date for that day because that day means something to her personally, other than it is your birthday that day.
I think if your MIL wants to get married on your birthday and she is not doing it out of spite, then I think she should get married on that day. Also, I do not think that it is fair to ask her to switch the day because it is your birthday.
Follow me to:
I think you are overreacting. Yes, she isnt changing her plans for your birthday, but it sounds like YOU dont want to change your plans for her WEDDING, which undoubtedly is a much bigger deal. Do you seriously feel entitled to tell her that she should schedule her wedding on a date that YOU and your husband feel is more appropriate? That is awfully presumptuous of you!
If she says that it "feels" right to get married on that day it sounds like she is not doing it to spite you. Maybe she met the fiance on that date? Or has some sort of harmless superstition or something.. In any case it doesnt seem that she is doing it to spite you. She likes the date and she wants to get married on that date. And a birthday is not such a big deal, really!
I wouldnt ask her to change the date if I were you. It just makes you look a tad like a spoiled brat and makes your husband look spoiled entitled brat. No offense meant.. please. I am not saying you ARE a spoiled brat... I am being frank and just telling you what it seems like to an outsider.
So yes, I do think you are overreacting.
ETA: Sorry jinxd, I didnt want to bash you. But it seems from my perspective that you are making this about YOU when it's really about your MIL and her fiance. The whole world doesnt and shouldnt revolve around you and your husband. I am not criticizing you.. I just think that what you did was in extremely poor taste, and shows lack of maturity and if you want to build a relationship with people, you'll have to do better than this. My tone is not harsh at all. So I hope you dont mind.
Edited 1/11/2007 8:03 pm ET by ingie2004
If it's that important to you and your DH, tell her congrats and best wishes, send a gift to the reception and go off on your weekend.
So she feels justified in spreading lies about you because you didn't roll over and lick her feet. Huh.
Seriously, you and DH ask yourselves and each other what the two of you want to do and what you think the long-term consequences would be for each choice. Then do what you two think is right for you.
You could be the bigger person and give up this *one* birthday (Unless you think she'll expect a big "family" anniversary celebration every year - which you are under *no* obligation to attend, of course) and attend her wedding in the spirit of generosity.
ilve2read
I wouldn't worry about your birthdays interfering with her anniversaries. Anniversaries (again, unless they are milestones)are typically private affairs between husband and wife.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Yes, I do think you were over-reacting.
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