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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
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Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:41pm
My in laws drive me nuts.We have been married 10 yrs. and hva 3 kids.My h and I are on a verge of divorce because of them.They live two hours away from us and never come and visit the kids,but they come out every fri and sat in the summer to watch bil race.I feel like they put racing before the grandkids.My youngest has been in and out of the hospital but they never come and visit and we have to call them with updates.Our son is allergic to peanuts and when we go there they have peanut m&m's sitting around the house in candy jars.Ds knows he can't have these but he still sometimes tries to sneek food he can't have.My mil cusses in front of the kids nonstop when she knows I don't like it.I think she does it on purpose.MY inlaws call our kids little s****,city wimps,and whiners.Last time we were in my il kept telling the boys he was going to kick thier a**,and my youngest picked this phrase up.My fil also slapped my one son in the mouth when I was in the shower,and my husband just stood there.I feel like my inlaws do not have the right to spank when we are there.I will not let my kids stay there without me.I have tried to tell them how I feel about how they treat the boys but they say I am turning them into wimps and I baby them.I just feel kids get enough putdowns from the outside that they don't need it from family.My kids are 5,7,and 9. Lori
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cnleycrew
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 11:30pm
Here is what I think. Don't take them over to see them anymore. By allowing them to see the ILS you are subjecting them to abuse. They don't need these people in their lives. So what that they are your Dh's parents. That doesn't mean that they have the right to see your kids and treat them the way they do. Tell Dh if he complains that its your job as their parents to protect your kids from abusive people even if they are family.

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Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cnleycrew
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:21am

I agree with you, Melissa.

To the OP: Your job is to protect your kids. What your FIL and MIL are doing is abusive. The peanut thing really bugs me, because peanut allergies can be deadly.

They don't seem to like your kids anyway, so why bother going to visit. Don't call with updates on your son. Don't go to their house. If DH doesn't like it, tell him he can go live with his abusive parents.

Be sure you are documenting the incidents of smacking, calling names, etc. That is emotional and physical abuse. Keep track of incidents involving keeping potentially irritating or deadly food around where your child could easily get it. You may need it. Because if your husband decides he wants to be their son more than your husband and the kid's father, you will need all the ammunition you can get to avoid his parents having visits with the kids. And I will bet that they would try it, just for spite on you.

Your husband needs to be told flat up that he needs to make a decision. You and the kids or his Mommy and Daddy (child abusers).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2004
In reply to: cnleycrew
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:51pm

I'm sorry, I might have missed it, but why do you insist on taking your children around these people?

Catrina now
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
In reply to: cnleycrew
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:33pm
I know,but my dh keeps saying that they are his family and that is the way he grew up.My h has said he wants a divorce because I don't like to go there.I am afraid if we seperate he will take the kids there without me being able to protect them They live in another state and people keep saying that he wouldn't be able to cross state lines without my permission.I don't know if thats true. Lori
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cnleycrew
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:45pm
If you go to court with proof that they are abusing your kids, no judge is going to allow them to see your kids. If you H wants to divorce you over this, then he isn't a man. No man would allow anyone to treat his kids that way. Let him go. He is a worthless husband and father. He would rather make his parents happy then to protect them. He is sick.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cnleycrew
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:10pm

I think that there may be times when a woman must choose to stay in a marriage just to help protect her children. I don't know if you have one of these situations, and until you have obtained legal advice about the laws in your State, you don't know, either.

If you truly feel that you may be facing divorce in the not remotely distant future, then you should educate yourself on all that divorce will mean to you and to your kids. That includes what kind of evidence you may need to prove that you should be the custodial parent, and info on crossing state lines, and what constitutes abuse in your area and in their home area.

And just so that you can feel that you did all that you could, you should consider marital counseling. Who knows, it may help. If it doesn't, you may find you feel less guilty, less like "a quitter," (disclaimer: maybe you would not feel guilty, you know you, obviously I am just a stranger). Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
In reply to: cnleycrew
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:17pm

I know in my divorce I was the custodial parent and xh couldn't not take youngest dd out of the state of Washington with out my written permission & the courts. But I could.

Big Hugs kiddo.

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
In reply to: cnleycrew
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:23pm
We started marriage counseling last week,but I may change therapist.The guy asked if I baby my kids and he said doesn't your son know that he is allergic to peanuts and can't have them.I told him yes he knows but he is 5 years old and wants what the other two have.I am going to go back next week and see how he is again before I change.I have kept a journal of everything since day one. Lori
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
In reply to: cnleycrew
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 10:44am

Hi there, I'm new here as well. I agree with everyone here about your Inlaws and you shouldn't be taking your kids to visit them. I'm glad that you been keeping a journal of everything that been happening from day 1. Good luck.

Rochelle