MIL with Dogs moving in.
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| Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:34am |
My MIL is going to be moving in with us as soon as our new home is finished. The problem is that she has 2 older small dogs that are not housebroken. Whenever she comes to visit, she brings the dogs keeping one in the house and one in the garage. Well, they both urinate and poo all over the place. My husband will not say anything to her and just cleans up a mess when he sees one. I did persuade him to buy a diaper for the one she keeps in the house. She will put it on the dog when we are home but when we leave, she takes the diaper off! I have caught her more than once when we are walking in the door rushing to put the diaper back on the dog. I have found urine on the carpet and on the funiture. She does have a pet carrier for the dog but will not use it unless traveling.
The other dog in the garage is just as bad as he has ruined the concrete with urine stains and the smell just makes me sick. She does go out and clean up the poo and mops the concrete but you can not get all of that yuck out of there as he goes underneath and around the vehicles.
My MIL is 77 years old. She is healthy and gets around with no problems. I understand the need for my husband to want to take care of her in her senior years.. I just don't know how to handle this. I feel resentment towards her for the lack of respect she shows us in our home. I dread her moving in with us and trashing our new home. My husband just says she is old and the animals are all she's got. What would you do?

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The poo and pee is unacceptable as well as unsanitary. Tell them she cannot move in unless she is willing to do something about the dogs. I understand loving your pets, but I would never just let my pet go potty all over someone's home.
Being old is no excuse to be rude and just plain gross.
Wait, is the problem that MIL is coming to live with you, or is the problem the dogs? If it is okay for MIL to move in, I would tell my husband that it is perfectly fine having her come live with us, but the dogs do not. It is a complete lie of manipulation to say they are all that she has left, SHES GOT HIM!! and you by proxy. I don't believe there is compromise of letting her bring the dogs but confining them both to the outdoors or the garage, that's just cruel to the dogs and you know that your MIL will go behind your back when gone and let the dogs in to ruin your house and belongings. Tell your DH this is non negotiable. If you are okay with her moving in of course.
If the real problem here is you aren't okay with her moving in, that's an entirely different hill to die fighting on.
If my MIL went behind my back to my husband, I would have confronted the both of them. I really don't care if your MIL is elderly. My grandmother is 80 and my family would never tolerate crap like that. Ever. Let her know, in front of him, that the dogs are not welcome, unless she wants to keep them in a cage or outside. She is the one who will have to deal with the poo and feeding, etc, not you.
If she cannot handle the pets, then they need to go. I am sorry to sound harsh and I DO love animals. I imagine it is hard for her. But, you should not have to put up with dog crap and pee all over the place. And your DH should not be giving in to his mommy behind your back. It is YOUR house too.
Edited 1/12/2007 12:53 pm ET by fluffy42052
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benetime, I agree with you that the repeated messes would be completely un-livable for me. But I also know people who don't mind living in a home that may appear to have been "cleaned" but is actually still befouled with residual pet hair and waste. I have also met many many many people just don't have as strong a nose as my family does. This point is clearly illustrated every time I shake hands with a man who seems to have bathed in his cheap cologne this morning, LOL! I can wash my hands for the rest of the day and still not get the smell off!
You husband isn't giving this problem the same importance in his heart that it has for you. I think that you should gently make sure that he understands how deeply this issue runs with you. Think of some things that would be absolute deal-breakers for him, and tell him that this is an equivalent for you.
What are his deal-breakers? Having to live in Death Valley even though he lives to surf? Having to live with 5 noisy, nagging, women that have PMS all month long? Having someone mess up his carefully arranged tool bench in the garage? Never being able to watch another football game? Good luck to you. I hope you can help him to understand.
It is your house. If you don't want animals in your house for that reason you tell her that. I have a sil with house dogs, and I have told her that when they come to visit the dogs stay out on our enclosed porch, because I don't want them in my house. And she said ok and respects that. And you also need to lay the law down with your husband so he backs you if your MIL were to go and ask him about having the dogs in the house. You don't need dog dodo all over your new house.
Everyone is right the dogs sound like they are so old they do need to be put alseep. If she wants to keep them then maybe put a kenel up out in the backyard so they have a place to stay, and then she would still have the dogs.
Best of luck. and stick to your guns.
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