MIL with Dogs moving in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
MIL with Dogs moving in.
11
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:34am

My MIL is going to be moving in with us as soon as our new home is finished. The problem is that she has 2 older small dogs that are not housebroken. Whenever she comes to visit, she brings the dogs keeping one in the house and one in the garage. Well, they both urinate and poo all over the place. My husband will not say anything to her and just cleans up a mess when he sees one. I did persuade him to buy a diaper for the one she keeps in the house. She will put it on the dog when we are home but when we leave, she takes the diaper off! I have caught her more than once when we are walking in the door rushing to put the diaper back on the dog. I have found urine on the carpet and on the funiture. She does have a pet carrier for the dog but will not use it unless traveling.

The other dog in the garage is just as bad as he has ruined the concrete with urine stains and the smell just makes me sick. She does go out and clean up the poo and mops the concrete but you can not get all of that yuck out of there as he goes underneath and around the vehicles.

My MIL is 77 years old. She is healthy and gets around with no problems. I understand the need for my husband to want to take care of her in her senior years.. I just don't know how to handle this. I feel resentment towards her for the lack of respect she shows us in our home. I dread her moving in with us and trashing our new home. My husband just says she is old and the animals are all she's got. What would you do?

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Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:45am

The poo and pee is unacceptable as well as unsanitary. Tell them she cannot move in unless she is willing to do something about the dogs. I understand loving your pets, but I would never just let my pet go potty all over someone's home.

Being old is no excuse to be rude and just plain gross.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 9:33am

Wait, is the problem that MIL is coming to live with you, or is the problem the dogs? If it is okay for MIL to move in, I would tell my husband that it is perfectly fine having her come live with us, but the dogs do not. It is a complete lie of manipulation to say they are all that she has left, SHES GOT HIM!! and you by proxy. I don't believe there is compromise of letting her bring the dogs but confining them both to the outdoors or the garage, that's just cruel to the dogs and you know that your MIL will go behind your back when gone and let the dogs in to ruin your house and belongings. Tell your DH this is non negotiable. If you are okay with her moving in of course.


If the real problem here is you aren't okay with her moving in, that's an entirely different hill to die fighting on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:01am
I don't have a problem with my MIL moving in with us.. I do have a problem with her dogs ruining our home. The dogs are old and both of them are blind They belonged to her daughter that passed away 10 years ago so I do understand the attachment to them. I hate to cause any friction and I couldn't say anything to her directly. I want my husband to take care of it but it seems he bends over backwards to please her. When she 1st came over with the dogs a few years ago, it was during a hurricane. I told her she could keep her dogs in the garage. She went behind my back and asked my hubby if if was ok if she brought her dogs in the house. He said yes and it's been this way ever since. As I write this, I realize I am the one who needs to put her foot down. Thanks for all of your comments.
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:17am

If my MIL went behind my back to my husband, I would have confronted the both of them. I really don't care if your MIL is elderly. My grandmother is 80 and my family would never tolerate crap like that. Ever. Let her know, in front of him, that the dogs are not welcome, unless she wants to keep them in a cage or outside. She is the one who will have to deal with the poo and feeding, etc, not you.

If she cannot handle the pets, then they need to go. I am sorry to sound harsh and I DO love animals. I imagine it is hard for her. But, you should not have to put up with dog crap and pee all over the place. And your DH should not be giving in to his mommy behind your back. It is YOUR house too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:51pm
If it is necessary for her to move into your home, the pets need to go. The pets are not "all she has" -- she will have a family. I would never allow someone's pets to trash my new home (or my old home!) and I think this is asking more of you than anyone has a right to ask. It is nasty and unsanitary for everyone. She needs to get rid of the pets before moving in with you or make other living arrangements. I would stand firm on that.


Edited 1/12/2007 12:53 pm ET by fluffy42052
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:34pm
I agree with everyone. What will happen if you and DH decide to have a baby? That is unhealthy and unsanitary for a baby. It sounds like it may be time to put the dogs down. I know that sounds mean, but they are blind and just going where ever they please. What is to stop them from going to the bathroom on the baby's things? You really need to put your foot down now before she moves in. Personally, I don't understand why she is moving in at this point anyway if she is perfectly able to care for herself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 7:57pm
Maybe I am naive, but I think that you could possibly work out something with the dogs IF she is willing to do what she needs to do to care for the dogs. For example, they could wear diapers, stay outside part of the day if you have a fenced yard, be crated if no one is at home, etc. If the problem is what to do about the dogs, maybe you should consult a vet or pet behavioralist. Are the dogs incontinent/suffering from dementia, or are they just poorly trained? I love dogs, but if she is not willing to make sure that they don't pee and poo all over the house, then I don't think that she should be allowed to bring them. Dog smell can build up, ruin floors, the smell gets into the walls, and it could really decrease the value of your home. What would you do if these were your dogs? In a sense, they will be if they move in with her. What I would not do is let the dogs move in, have them ruin things, and then tell her that they have to go. They should either move in and she should be prepared to deal with them appropriately, or they should not move it at all. I think it would be worse for them to move in and then have to move the dogs out. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:36pm

benetime, I agree with you that the repeated messes would be completely un-livable for me. But I also know people who don't mind living in a home that may appear to have been "cleaned" but is actually still befouled with residual pet hair and waste. I have also met many many many people just don't have as strong a nose as my family does. This point is clearly illustrated every time I shake hands with a man who seems to have bathed in his cheap cologne this morning, LOL! I can wash my hands for the rest of the day and still not get the smell off!

You husband isn't giving this problem the same importance in his heart that it has for you. I think that you should gently make sure that he understands how deeply this issue runs with you. Think of some things that would be absolute deal-breakers for him, and tell him that this is an equivalent for you.

What are his deal-breakers? Having to live in Death Valley even though he lives to surf? Having to live with 5 noisy, nagging, women that have PMS all month long? Having someone mess up his carefully arranged tool bench in the garage? Never being able to watch another football game? Good luck to you. I hope you can help him to understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:10pm
Benetime states that the dogs are old and blind. The MIL is 77 years old and most likely is not capable of the type of care these animals need which is why they are not housebroken, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 9:49am

It is your house. If you don't want animals in your house for that reason you tell her that. I have a sil with house dogs, and I have told her that when they come to visit the dogs stay out on our enclosed porch, because I don't want them in my house. And she said ok and respects that. And you also need to lay the law down with your husband so he backs you if your MIL were to go and ask him about having the dogs in the house. You don't need dog dodo all over your new house.

Everyone is right the dogs sound like they are so old they do need to be put alseep. If she wants to keep them then maybe put a kenel up out in the backyard so they have a place to stay, and then she would still have the dogs.

Best of luck. and stick to your guns.

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