MIL is grooming a new DIL for my Hubby!!

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Registered: 01-15-2007
MIL is grooming a new DIL for my Hubby!!
6
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 1:06pm

Let me start off by saying ...Sorry so long.

My dear MIL has befriended a woman who has had the hots for my husband for two years now. My husband is the sweetest, kindest, most naive Christian man you will find anywhere (Surprising because he was raised by such a conniving biyatch). This woman worked with my husband at his old job. She had a serious industrial accident where she almost lost her whole hand.

My husband was a leadman in this company, but not over her department. But that didn't matter, he made it his business to be friendly and nice to everyone and go beyond what most of the other administrative ppl did for the workers. So when this happened to her, he called her at the hospital to let her know they were all thinking about her and that if she needed anything let him know. Well...she called the next day...and the next day...and a day or two later... I finally told my husband that I was becoming very uncomfortable with her daily calls. He asked me to just bear with her because no one else at work was concerned enough to check in on her from time to time and as soon as she was able to leave the hospital (in a town about 150 miles away) she would stop calling. Anyway, she kept on, and at some point my MIL came in in the middle of one of the conversations. The next day my MIL (who was my "bestest friend" at that particular time came over for me to do a flower arrangement for her bedroom. I told her how uncomfortable I was about the calls and she said that when she walked in that day and heard her son talking to this other lady, she had flashbacks to the time when his father, who was carrying on an affair with his own sister in law, would sit and carry on an animated conversation while in her presence.

Well, a couple of days later I had had all I could take and got into an argument with my husband. I told him that I thought his concern had gone far enough and all of this needed to stop. He got all defensive about never giving me a reason not to trust him before (and he hadn't) and that I was over reacting. Then before I really thought about the consequences of it I told him what his mother had said. Well, My husband has some seriously deep resentment and hurt toward his father (now deceased) because of the way he abused and neglected them and eventually abandoned and disowned them. His mother walked through the back door about this time and he went ballistic on her...Snatched down a picture of his dad and smashed his fist into it, got into his mom's face and told her that if she wanted to compare him to deceased FIL she could just stay out of his life...etc.

After a few hours when he had cooled off he knew he had been way out of line and apologized to both his mother and me. He told this girl who had been calling to stop it because it was causing problems at home. Well, she didn't call any more but after she was able to come back to work she kept trying to hang around where ever he was working. He tried as nicely as possible to let her know she was interfering with his work and needed to stay away. He kept avoiding her and eventually she was put into the back of the plant where she couldn't tag along behind him everywhere.

Now comes the crazy part....

My dear mother in law has decided in the past several months that I'm not good enough for her dear son. She has made friends with this crazy woman...such great buds are they now that they go on outings together and bought each other expensive Christmas gifts, etc. For a long time both my hubby and I were oblivious to what was going on. I had become more and more distrustful of HIM because of little incidences and coincidences that seemed to bring her name up or objects that belonged to her were found laying around. He swore on his daughter's life that he had no idea what was going on. I thought he was lying to me and had a thing going on behind my back. WELLLL....Just by coincidence I wandered into a room on the POGO game site where both MIL and wishing to be new DIL were.

It comes to light that crazy girl has this little fantasy affair going on with my husband and is trying to convince the world it's for real. She was telling MIL about how she told my hubby this today, and that and did he tell her what she told so and so at work today, and that she was tired of people being so judgmental of her, and MIL telling her that what she did on her time was her own business as long as she got to work on time. They were very chatty on the public board and it became almost instantly clear what was going on although I did sit and watch for about 20 minutes. (I knew there wasn't anything to it because he works ten hour days, rides to work with three other guys and calls me on the way home to let me know he's almost home.)

I called Hubby over to read the BS. When he saw it, (he didn't read the whole thing though so he didn't get the whole gist of it) , He went right over to his mother's, me right behind him, and demanded to know what the HELL she thought she was doing? She tried to act all innocent (deer in the headlights look and all). Told her that he didn't know what they had going on but that they needed to leave his name out of it and that it wasn't any of HER business what went on at our house. She begged to differ and shouted that it was her business when I wasn't doing for him what needed to be done. WELL...Here's the story behind that:

Hubby's income has dropped by about 2-3 hundred dollars per week in the past year or so. I work a full time job, but decided to supplement our income and try to make up for what he wasn't making, I'd start an eb@y business. Anyone who knows the ins and outs of eb@y knows that if you don't have a special place set up to do it and have lots of empty space to store stuff, things can get a little crowded, to say the least. Not only that, Because listing and packaging and picture taking and all the other stuff that goes along with a successful eb@y business takes a lot of time. My dear husband was having to (heaven forbid!!) wash some of his own laundry and fix his own meals on occasion.

So now, I'm the slovenly wife who lets the house and laundry pile up and makes her husband fix his own meals while I play around on the computer.

Now that hubby knows what is going on, his response is that you just have to look over her...she's always been like that. I know she's his mom and he loves her...I lost my mom 11 years ago and would give anything to have her back even if she did come back crazy as a loon. So I understand his not wanting to break ties with her over this....but I'd at least think he'd take a stand on this thing and lay down some boundaries. And for GOD'S sake stand up for me on this one. That's what makes me sooo MAD!! He tries to soothe things over on this side then goes and tries to soothe things over with her, when what she did was so downright dirty and disrespectful to both he and I as well as our 11 year marriage!

WHEW!!! Ok...vent over for now!

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:15pm

Wow. I don't even know where to being. I think that this woman needs to be fired. She is harassing your Dh at work, and now is trying to convince people that they are having and affair. At least that is how I read it, please correct me if I am wrong. Anyway, now your MIL is trying to 'set' them up? What the heck is wrong with her? I do know all about Ebay as I was selling on there for a little while. Yes it does take up a lot of time.

Anyway there is nothing wrong with your Dh having to do his own laundry and sometimes fend for himself. He is not a little boy anymore. I do think that he needs to stand up for you and tell MIL to knock off this crap with this woman. That they will never be together, because he loves you and is married to you and that if it doesn't stop then she won't see him ever again. Maybe then she will stop. He needs to put a stop to this, not you. That lady sounds mentally unstable.

Maybe he should get a RO against her. But I really think that she should be fired first. He needs to talk to her supervisor and his and let them know what is going on. How she keeps coming around even though he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with her and that its causing problems for him, and let them take it from there. If he has any witnesses even better, because honestly I wouldn't put it past her to try to say that he has been coming on to her and then try to file a sexual harassment suit against him. She sounds that crazy.

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Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:08pm
I can relate to crazy in laws there the main reason why my marriage ended but I do enjoy to come on here and help out you are right your hubby needs to set boundaries with the mother and as for the crazy chic that is after him have trust in him that he loves you it sounds like he may need to get a restraing order against her the crazy loon after your man as for your MIL I would let him know that its imporatnat that she can be in his life but she does need to respect you as the woman that married her son good luck to you !!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:09pm

Your MIL is way out of line. You are right to be angry with her, but in reality, do you really care what she is saying or doing? I'm sure you want her to be a part of your and DH lives, but at what cost to you?

The real problem is the sweet, caring DH. I know because I have one too. They are great men...kind, repectful, sweet, good fathers, etc....but sometimes that comes without a backbone. I'm not saying he is weak, but I am saying that he can let comments and behaviors be overlooked (which can be a good trait in many situations) but that usually comes at a price to pay on your part when dealing with a MIL.

My thoughts for you are yes, MIL is very inappropriate, but DH and you need a good long talk. And if that isn't enough, maybe some couples counseling. In my case, there is a cycle where hubby is really great, but I don't feel that I can really count on him if it a problem with his family. That finally brews into resentment and anger....just what MIL was hoping for. A very vicious cycle.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 7:32pm

Hi Monkeebaby315, welcome!

Wow, your MIL is worse than Marie on Everyone Loves Raymond!!

I think that your DH needs to talk to someone in HR at his job and let them know what is going on with this girl, and that something needs to be pronto about the situation.

As for his mother, I think it is great that DH stood up to her and told her that what goes on is none of her business. I would have no contact with her anymore until she learns how to act. It isn't any of her business if your DH has to do his own laundry once in awhile or make his own dinner once in awhile. Also, it sounds like your MIL just drops in anytime. I would recommend keeping all doors locked. If she has a key to the house, change the locks. If this stuff keeps up with this girl and the girl tries calling/talking to your DH and HR doesn't do anything about it, the only thing is to go to the police and file harassment.








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Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 9:30pm
Thank you for all of your answers and support...as I might not have made clear in my first paragraph, this woman works where my hubby USED to work. He changed jobs in November, but she still has this thing going. He hasn't spoken to her in over 3 months nor seen her in over 2 months. She's just CRAZY!!
Avatar for cl_mugalug
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 10:18am
Well at least he doesn't have to see the crazy loon at work anymore. He still needs to put Mommy in her place.

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