Don't what to do about new SIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Don't what to do about new SIL
4
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 9:23pm
Well, I need the best advice I can get. I am so flustered and tired that I found this site for support. I have had the worst week. I went to my future sister-in-law's bachelorete party and became lost from the group. When I was lost at the club I looked everywhere for them. I ended up getting shoved outside due to a bar fight and the club wouldn't let anyone in. I asked the bouncer if he had seen the girls I had come in with and he told me that they left.
Well, once this had happened I reasoned with what I should do and I called my husband to try to get a hold of anyone. I didn't have anyone's numbers except my future sister in law's who left her phone at home. I called and called him and he was out at the bachelor party for his brother and when he finally answered I had already got in a cab to go home.
I was completly stressed and in tears over this and felt horrible the entire ride home. The next day I spoke with my husband who was at his parents house and he told me that she was really upset about what happened and that it ruined her party.
I never in a million years would want to wreck her party. I really got misplaced and took care of my self in a responsible manner. We were all drinking and everyone's concept of time is all messed up. I have been going off of my phone calls to gage what happened. Well, come to find out that the girls had not left yet and we just got seperated from each other. I unfortunatly really got misplaced from the group.
I wrote her an e-mail telling her how very sorry I am first that night. Then I called her the next day to tell her how sorry I am that this happened. I sent her a dozen yellow roses that said I was sorry and that I never intended on upseting her. It still isn't enough. I offered to speak with her friends and she told me that "They are tough chicks and don't care about me, just that she was hurt at her party." Ok, I understand all of that I just want to make this right. I am a very happy loving girl who never up and leaves a good time. Which is what she thinks happened. It's all just a huge horrible mix up. I have been in tears about it for the past three days and she still hasn't let me off the hook. I feel like she wants to crucify me because of what happened at her party. She didn't take my apology or tears very well. She is very angry and I am so hurt because we had become friends and now the wedding is on Saturday and I am supposed to be in it.My husband is the best man and I really want to just show support and show that it was not intentional for me to be seperated from the group. I was looking for them and got shoved out. She doesn't see it that way. Which is sad because I never wanted any of this to happen. The worst part about it is that she is demanding that I not clear things up with her friends and to just show up at the wedding. I am so mortified by all of this and it has been really hard to listen to her be so harsh to me about this and not take into consideration the friendship we had before this happened. She told me that she can't just throw me out of her life because I will be family, so instead she'll just deal with me. Well, I get it if she could she would just throw me out of her life because I got seperated from her at her party. It just seems like she is blowing this out of proportion and not accepting my efforts. My husband and his family support me and think that she is over re-acting about all of this and should try to mend things with me. I just wish that could happen, but she won't even talk to me or answer my calls or e-mails. I am so upset. Please, tell me what else I can do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 10:42pm

Sounds like you have done your best in a tough situation, your husband and his family see that you have, and there is nothing more that you can do at this time. If your SIL is normally an understanding person, then maybe she's just being a bridezilla. It happens. So let it go and hopefully she'll see things differently once a little time passes. And if she doesn't get over it, then that says more about her than it says about you. KWIM?

There is no reason for you to make things right with her friends really (I'd wager they aren't all that mad at you about it). If they bring it up at the wedding, then explain what happened. Say it was regrettable but beyond your control. Apologize once but no more than that. If you SIL keeps bringing it up, then respond to her the same way. There really isn't anything to apologize for, things like this happen, it's no ones fault.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 1:12pm

Here's what you can do now. You can let it go. You appologised twice AND sent the spoiled brat a dozen roses to say sorry AGAIN. And it's still not enough. Ugh, the selfish narcissistic audacity of some people is disgusting. Now is the part where she pulls her bridezilla head out her bum and graciously accepts your appolgoy.


Show up at the wedding and behave as though nothing is out of the ordinary. Behave as though what should have happened (forgive and forget this unfortunate yet innocent mistake) is what actually happened.


As for your SIL, if she brings it up again I very much thing you should let her have it. I would say "you know, I've appologised for that three times, I even sent flowers to you because I was so sorry. It takes a really cold cruel ugly hearted person to not graciously accept!" and leave it at that. I'd personally be pissed. You "hurting" her was completely an accident and a result of a line of situations out of your control. Her now hurting you by continually punishing you for it is no accident and it is cruel, and boarderline evil.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 6:40am

Honestly she's probably just stressed about the wedding and is thinking irrationally. I wouldnt worry to much about it. Go to the wedding do your thing, If any of the other girls bring it up tell them ya I feel bad that happened, I got shoved out when those people got into a fight, and couldnt get back in. I tried to find you but I was told by the bouncer that everyone had split. And I just assumed everyone was having a good time and accidentaly forget me. I was supper bummed and took a cab home. I told____ how sorry I was, I just hope she understands.

Now if SIL brings it up agian, tell her you said your sorry and you really are. But it wasnt your fault, if she really wants to blame someone you can point out the bouncer who told you they ledt next time she feels like going back to the club. If that doesnt shut her up nothing will.

Chances are after the wedding her stress level will go down, adn things will get better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 7:51pm

what else can you do?
let it go. Jeez. It sounds like you're tormenting yourself to death over this non-incident. Your SIL sounds like a proper brat. Good luck staying in her good books!! With people like this you would have fallen from grace sooner or later because they are too high maintenence.

First of all, get a grip over yourself. You did nothing wrong, you apologized in the most gracious way possible. That's all you can do. Stop crying over this.

Second, you should probably take this as a lesson in what a manipulative brat your SIL is. She is overreacting big time and you are letting yourself fall for her brattiness. Be strong, and dont indulge her anymore. Act like nothing is wrong and behave normally with her.

If she continues to act like this after the wedding you might want to step back from the friendship because sometimes some friendships dont work out, for whatever reason. And if I were you I'd give her a good piece of my mind too .. silly twit!! I hate entitled bridezillas.