Christmas Nightmare

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Christmas Nightmare
4
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 3:21am

DH and I have been married for 1 year. I spent the weeks preparing for our first Christmas celebration, making sure that our place was warm and cozy, bringing in the Christmas spirit by decorating and spending hours--- yes, hours going over menus to make sure I didn't mess up Christmas dinner. MIL and BIL came Dec. 22nd, my family lives far away so they couldn't make it. This was MIL's first visit in our new home. From the minute she walked in, she started criticizing one or the other thing, making comments about everything, summing up by saying our place looked "weird". Not a single compliment, not a single positive word came out of her mouth. It was hard for me to deal with this. I lost it when she commented on our living room curtains, which were custom made. She started saying that she would've done something else, my reply was "thanks for your advice". She continued. Again, I said "thanks for the tip". Continued. I stood up, admittedly I was annoyed, and just pushed the curtains to one side, adding "happy now?!" I excused myself and went to our bedroom. DH followed, flipping out, asking me how I could've been so rude to his mom?!?! How about MIL being rude ALL the time, mocking my taste, criticizing every single little thing in my home? I have a couple of family photos around in photo frames and she turned one of my parents around, saying to me that she really envied my parents bc they were still together after 30 years. Sadly enough, she lost her DH at a young age, then had a series of failed relationships. I'm hurt that she would say such things about my family, they aren't responsible for her pain. After this incident, she just kept saying nasty comments about my mom, even telling me my mom need therapy bc she's a self-centered, rude person! My mom is Latin American, they don't even speak the same language and have exchanged only a few words over the last 2 years. How can she say such a thing? She doesn't even know my mom and has such an ill-will towards her.

The next day she watched our wedding video (bc we married in my country of origin, she didn't attend) and after this she exploded, yelling at me, blaming me bc she didn't attend our wedding (she didn't want to, even though we offered to pay for her trip and begged that she came), blaming my mother, insulting her, insulting me in MY OWN HOME. She told me she's counting the day until our divorce. DH stepped up and told her she was no longer welcome in our home (after she insulted me) so he drove her to a hotel. Next day, Dec. 23 we went over to talk to her and try to work things out. I asked for forgiveness, for whatever it was that I had done to deserve her ill-will, but no appologies from her side, NOT a single one. MIL and BIL came on Dec. 25, surprisingly ate without saying a single thing about the food, she even hugged me (I take this as an appology, so OK, moved on) and told me all she wanted in life was to have a united family. They returned home a few days later only to call me Jan. 2 to start yelling and insulting me again-- for nothing. Again telling me that we "hispanic girls" are this and that, that what an unfortunate thing that her son found me, that she's still counting the days until our divorce, that my mom is a mean, horrible person, etc. etc.

It's Jan. 22 and I'm still trying to come out of this dark patch, these days of solitude and depression. Even if DH is standing by me, supporting me, I can't believe MIL would wish such misfortune on us. I'm alone and longing for my family's support, but they live so far away and I haven't told them anything about MIL. I don't want them to have a bad image of her, or for them to suffer just by knowing about all this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 4:36am
I think it can be summed up in what she did with your parents photo. You just took away one of the only men in her life that has loved her or treated her well since she lost her husband. That doesnt give her any right to treat you that way. Im glad to hear that at some point DH stood up for you. Trust me hun its nothing your doing, and im sure has nothing to do with you being latin. She is the kind of woman who not matter who her son married would treat them like crap. As hard as it is you can't let this effect your marriage. You and DH need to be united. She needs to be told by DH that you will not be treated the way you were, and that she is going to have a lot of counting to do because you two are very happy and if she wants to be in your house she will respect you and your wishes. In someways be glad that she is at least open with her disrespect for you. Many in-laws aren't they are very mean cruel but they are underhanded and do it either when your spouse and or anyone who will back you up isnt around, or they pretend to compliment you but sya something that they know is going to hurt. At least your DH can see how she is behaving towards you, and that he stood up for you.
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 6:34am

I am glad your DH supports you. A lot of women, unfortunately, don't have that luxury. (Pity that is should even BE a luxury, isn't it?)

However, your MIL is not only rude and abusive, she is obviously racist and prejudiced. I would let her know that she is either to get some help, grow up and act like a decent human being, or she can get bent. (of course you can use nicer words)

What I am afraid of is that if/when you have children, she will start in on them. I mean, they will be 1/2 of your heritage.

I don't feel like you should do anything else, except for your husband telling his mother how it is going to be. You owe her no apology.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 11:43am

I'm so sorry that you had such a horrible Christmas!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 1:20pm

You are taking her words to heart, when you should be realizing they are meaningless. You are thinking she has something personally against you. But she doesn't. Her anger and bitterness are all about HER. Her life. Her misery. HER PROBLEM.

Not your problem.