Help Me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Help Me!!
3
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 2:50pm
Okay, so that's a dramatic title huh. But besides that... I've been having some in law problems... well future in laws. We're getting married in April and it seems as if the closer the date gets the more and more his family trys to break us up. They act nothing but nice to my face, if the even talk to me becuase that seems to be his sister's new strategy, but then they tell my fiance about all these "horrible things" I do. And their newest tactic... having his ex girlfriend talk to him. Oh and did I mention that THEY are still in love with her? Her sister calls her her best friend and his mom nonstop talks about her. They both do. I have no ill fated feelings about her and in no way do I worry about her and my fiance EVER EVER being anything but exes EVER. I don't care that they are friends with her. But I also feel like they've never given me the chances that they gave her long long ago. Maybe I'm not like them in the fact that I'm not really a big bar, drink all the time person and that's why. I dont know. But it seems as though they cannot cope with the fact that he loves me more than anything and we're getting married. I've never felt more hated in my entire life. Not once. And I've been through some tough family stuff before. I don't even know what I've done. My fiance says I've done nothing wrong and to not worry about it. But I do, it's my future family! The rest of his very large family has absolutely no problem with me and many of them did not like his ex anyways. His dead father even didn't want them together. Friends and family reasure me that it is not me. And in my heart I know it's not. But my head wants an explaination. My friend says I need to grow some you know whats and tell them how it is, stand up for myself. But I cannot bring myself to do, I am just not a confrontational person. Urgh, It is just so darn frustrating!!! Say anything, I don't care, I just want some opinions from others! Thank you so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 5:54pm
It will continue until your fiance nips it in the bud. Until he tells them to stop, they will keep at it. Until he tells them that admission to being a part of his life is to be kind and descent and polite to the woman he has chosen to be beside him through life. Until he tells them. He is the only one who can offer help to you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 6:28pm
I think your fiance needs to have a sit down with his family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 7:41pm

I agree it's up to your fiance. I'm just assuming he doesn't like confrontation, and he is used to his family behaving this way. I'm again guessing that he wants you to brush it off. (I'm assuming this because it was how my DH was for many years!)

Think of it this way....it will not change as long as he does nothing about it. And he needs to be VERY clear about your expectations...enough to spell it out to his family to where they will know without a doubt that they CAN NOT treat you this way.

I'm begging you to get the results you want before marriage. It will save you countless arguments and sleepless nights...as well as awful Christmas, birthdays, etc.

Good luck.