I need some help!!
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| Mon, 01-22-2007 - 5:29pm |
Last February I got married and moved into an apartment with my husband. His mother (who has been visiting now for over 1 yr and half) and sister lived in the same apartment complex. No big deal. Well recently my husband and I bought a house (October) and he asked them to move in with us. Keep in mind we just got married and I really didn't have a say in the decision. Until recently things have been ok. My husband and I both work full time and as well I am studying for a state board exam. I come home from work, cook, clean, and study. Now my mother in law is there EVERYDAY! I don't ask for much, just to clean up after yourself. I think thats fair.
Within the past few weeks it has gotten worse. We are living on a tight budget for now, until we can get situated. I have been paying ALL the bills, I dont ask my husband for money. He is trying to help his parents (giving them money, etc). Well now its getting to be too much.
Since they have moved in with us, I feel like I am an outcast from their immediate family, any and all discussions that they have, stops when I walk into the room. I try to think positive and that things will get better, but they only have gotten worse.
I feel like I am being taken advantage of from all aspects.
My husband and I discussed the bill issues, and have resolved it by each of us contributing to the bills now and whatever is left we will help whoever may need it. The problem is, is taht I am not told of everything that goes on. Its like I am only told what I need to know.
I feel like I am being taken advantage of, and my in law may think I am blind and dont see whats really going on. I think she OVER HEARD our conversation and is trying to cause more issues between my husband and I.
I just cant handle it anymore. I am to the point that I want to say ITS OVER!! JUST GET IT!
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The problem is you got married, but you don't have a marriage. There is no union between you and your husband, no "us" or "we". There is him, there is his family (which should but doesn't mean you) and then there is you. The problem started when he asked them to move in with out it being a joint decision, and then you going along with it.
Nothing will change except you.
I am kind of the same situation but I finally put my foot down. I told my DH to be a man a take a stand. As my husband he needs to do things right and fix our marriage or i am out. Please keep in mind we have only been married 4 months....
So put your foot down and stand up for your marriage and if your DH loves you (which he does because he asked you to be his wife) then he will make some changes for his NEW family which is you. BE STRONG!!!!!!
Here is a fair offer that you could make to your husband. Instead of giving his family what you can spare each month, you will tell them that you have put that money into a savings acocunt. And when the savings account contains enough money to pay for a First-and-Last-Month's rent (deposit) on a new apartment for them, then you will tell them you are ready to write that check to the manager of the apartment of their choice.
If he cannot include you in big decisions, like who will live in your home, then you don't have the kind of partnership that many people would prefer to have. Your choice, of course. Best of luck.